Just cos you LOOK amazing ..

Wishy-washy. That's how it was. Nice boy, great body but ..

I had been to my friend's party. There were a lot of young, gorgeous, blond-extensioned-boobed girls. Daughters of my pals. We were heading out-out, up town to a ball, so we were all in a barrie mood.

One of the girls mentioned that her footballer boyfriend had a mate who was my neighbour. 'Dean? God. He is totally beautiful, but like my kid, really'. All the girls were interested in clockin' this young guy, so l rang him to pop over to the house, as it was a Friday evening so l knew he'd be at home. He had a game next day.

'Hi pal. Wot you up to. Nowt? Good. Pop in to Janie, will you? We are all going to.the Cheynes Ball at Prestonfield House. There's pulenty of females, and l know how shy you can be! Come on. Half an hour, tops'.

Now, this guy was totally gorgeous, but bit, you know, David B's personality, so got nae chat wi' the wimmin'. Aunty D to the rescue ..

He turned up in less than 5 minutes, tanned, pretty teeth, aftershave, and l ecorted him through all the hair spray, loud chit-chat, music playin' and wine flowing. He is a stunning specimen of manhood, but painfully shy. That can be a drawback, nae chat.

I stood n talked through the girls who were there.

'She's lovely, D. Go and speak to her. Go on'.

Sarah was as good looking as D. But he wasn't interested.

'What's up with you, boy? You can have your pick'.

We were all laughing and getting ready to jump into taxi's to the famous hairdressers fancy party.

I ran back to the house, as l wanted to change my shoes. D was standing like a door stop, and l asked him, ' Hey, which heels should l wear with this dress? The blue stilettos, or the gold peep toes ..'

'Hurry up, you. Just bring both. Decide at the venue. Bye, D. BYE. BYEEE'.

We sped off, waving at the folk left in the house, and to D, standing on the pavement. God. He has noooo idea how delicious he is.

We arrived at the fabulous hotel. It was like something from a film set. Fire eaters, burlesque dancers, hundreds of funky, amazing looking people having a good time. The live band was playing in one area, a DJ in another.

After a few hours, l wanted to go home. There was no chance of a cab, so l said goodnight to my friends, and staggered through the mele of bodies and laughter.

I looked at my phone, which had been switched off, and there were lots of messages from a number l didn't recognise.

It was D ..

Oh dear.

I think l have to deal with a crush!!