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Chapter 3

“Well that’s the last of my crap, I mean stuff.”

Our mother gazed around the slightly less cluttered house, staring intently at any object she locked eyes with to avoid her children’s judgemental facial expressions. Her skeletal fingers curled around her suitcase handles, gripping it for dear life. In the dimly lit hallway, her form resembled that of a nervous child being sent away to summer camp. In the last forty five minutes she’d taken to pack two suitcases, she’d become less unhinged and now she just seemed mentally drained. Maybe this break from us would be a good thing for her. She sighed.

“I best be off then, Auntie Julie is expecting me.”

She was going to stay in Amherst with her only remaining relative, her step-sister, Julie. We only saw Auntie Julie a handful of times a year, but with no living grandparents, she was the closest thing Ben and I had to family that wasn’t our mother or father. Despite the indication that she was leaving, neither Ben nor myself made any attempt to bid her farewell. Instead, Ben gave her a curt nod and I instigated intense eye contact with the floor until I heard the door click as it shut. Ben gave a sigh of relief, I felt like I could finally breathe again and even Pixie sensed a change of attitude in the air.

“I can finally take you for the run in the fields that you deserve!”

Pixie wagged her tail in excitement and trotted over to her leash and sat next to it, waiting for me to take the hint.

“You best not be talking to me!” Ben always tried to make light of dreary situations. That was his ‘thing’.

“You want to come?”

“Nah, I’ll cook us some food and it’ll be ready by the time you return.”

I was taken aback by this statement, it had been at least a year since Ben had last offered to do something for me without expecting anything in return. I attached Pixie’s leash and she immediately bolted for door, desperate to get out into the fresh air and stretch her legs.

“Okay…well I won’t be too long.”

“Hey, Lil, be safe, okay.”

I was touched at this last comment, Ben wasn’t the type of person to express concern for anyone, despite being in a long term relationship for the past two years. Addressing this remark with indifference and a shrug was key if I didn’t want him to follow up with a sarcastic response to make up for his former heart-warming comment. After doing so, I sauntered up the dirt path with Pixie in tow, reaching a break in the rows of corn growing which lead to our favorite field.

 I clasped Pixie’s leash tightly utilizing her as a guide dog as the lack of artificial lighting made it impossible to see any potholes. The dry, cracked dirt, due to lack of rain, scuffed beneath my worn sneakers, creating small bursts of dust clouds. We shortly emerged into the open air of the fields and I inhaled the cold November air as I wrapped my coat tightly around my frame. This was my favorite time to walk Pixie. The absence of pollution allowed me to stare up at the inky black sky and see an assortment of stars; all a range of dissimilar intensities but equally breath taking. In the summer, when I lay down in the grass, the sound of grass hoppers chirping filling my ears, I could spot many of the constellations, but tonight I could just spot the outline of Orion. The fields were much more tranquil in the summer months; perfect for me to keep watch of Pixie’s inquisitive nature whilst I basked in the warm glow of the sunset. The winter variety of the fields was similarly as serene and picturesque though, as blankets of snow, crisp layers of frost or morning droplets of dew on the grass just contributed to the candescent atmosphere. The freedom I felt when I escaped my life with Pixie to this field was indescribable; it was the only place on the entire planet where my thoughts were consistent and articulate. In an absurd way, I felt like Pixie comprehended my emotions and that’s why she loved this field as much as I did. But as always, at some point we had to return to the turmoil which was our lives. I retreated home, dragging an exhausted Pixie away from her safe haven.

Back at the house, Ben had concocted a tuna noodle casserole for us to devour. Walking through the front door, I couldn’t help but smile. He looked like a 1950s housewife wearing a frilly apron that I’d never seen before, whilst dishing up dinner. He heard me snigger and his cheeks flushed a deep shade of pink.

“It’s Sophia’s! She left it here a while ago.”

“Yeah okay, sure, Benjamina.”

He rolled his eyes and placed a well heaped plate of food in front of me.

“Ahem, I think you’re forgetting someone.”

I raised my eyebrows at him in reference to Pixie, who was patiently sat in between us at the breakfast counter, a single bead of drool hanging from a whisker. Ben risked a grin as he served Pixie a small bowlful of mainly tuna and a few noodles. It was a strange feeling inside me as the three of us ate, one which I was not accustomed to. For the first time since I could remember, I felt content with everything currently. This was the closest we’d been as a family for a long time and I never thought I’d ever feel welcome in my own home ever again. I felt truly grateful to have Ben and Pixie around me, I felt like a child again; able to relax and feel safe in my own household.