The DogFather

'Did you ever dream of more than you've got? Did you ever believe in
the fantasy of youthful imaginings? Did you ever have an eight inch
bowie knife thrust into your face with cocaine on it? Did you ever
consider the possibility that you were the chosen-being as long as you
killed your friend, just because you had to kip the night in a
sheep-shed on a floor six inches thick with dried shit? Would you lick
a frogs ass? Will you entertain the thought that clothes have lives of
their own when put together in certain combinations? Is there a ship as
romantic as a ship that sails across your brain, carrying precious
cargo? Are thoughts tangible? Do spaceships wait? Is it
worthwhile?...and by default, what is 'it'? Rascals, thieves, devils,
monsters and gentlemen, take your seats, take off your membrane and
reveal your true closeting. Fill up with nothing from nowhere. Die in
your own time, celebrate with your own kind. Lice, flea, tripe,
custard, coward, madman, what's so fucking funny? Invitations will be
in your imagination. Bravery will be in your wallet. Who's next? You,
you little shit. Did you ever own a car? Did you ever want to own a
car? What colour would it be? Would it have a nice engine? Would you
entertain thoughts in it? Was Buddha right? Are there issues to be
concerned about? When I drive the car that I don't have, I feel
unusual, criminal even. When I watch you through my windows, I see
nothing of myself, not even the bad bits.

Welcome to the morning show, bring it all in, yes every little. My,
that's such a big one, and it weighs so much. You must be so proud, and
you such a mass of, BAMMN! BAMMN!...blood and guts, there's just so
much of you, I really don't think I'm going to get through all of this,
urmmph! Ssslurp! Mmmmnnn! Tastes so fine. Ahh, so much deviation needed
for my fans now-a-days. So tell me, who dunnit, was it the butler, the
tired wife, the bored wife, the shitted-on wife, the insane wife, your
fucked-up mother, your jealous sister, the over-horny mistress, the
pregnant prostitute, your school teachers, the nappy wrapped around
your brain, the government, Salvador Dali, crisps, Michael Jackson? My,
my, come, come, but not here, over there, yes there. "Nurse unhand that
man" MURAAAAHHHH! "Now pass it over to me" Isn't the world such a
darling? Hello you Nutherfucker, you lairy sack, you pashole. Do you
know to whom you are speaking, I bet you do, SQUIRM! Squirm real good.
Did you know that you are about to worship the Dogfather? Didn't your
mama tell you this part? Did she know? Will I remind her Papa?... Mama
and the little babies...do you think I should, would you like some
slime-time, no-thank-you rhyme in your life. Would you like some dope
my fine friend, my esteemed colleague. Would you like some friends,
dope? Why it's you honey, let me just finish the killing and then I'll
suck your rocks. MOLTEN LAVA! MY GOD! YOU, have being seeing another.
Brimstone, toil, trouble, do you think I want to live in a disaster? Do
you somehow believe that I was born for such ingratitude? You think I
like climbing mountains or sum'it? Did you know that blood talks?, that
blood is my special friend, that dervish is in my veins. Swine, simple
as that, no ice cream for tea, you go straight to your moon. Call the
doctor and tell him to bring some wine, open that closet, my god!
mother how could you. You heathen! Not in my house, not in my brain,
Jesus save me and wax the car while you're here. Open up the donkey it
conceals the time. My ecstasy is not for others, its for me I tell you,
me all me, me on my own, that part of me, me, me me, me-ta-la-ta-ta. I
ask you is the doctor in? Well bend over and let me see. Are you crazy?
Do you believe in it? Do you dance to merry weather and cry in the
rain? Am I with you? Am I with YOU?.........

So you feel are little Mary, some Janet and lots of pain.
Sophistication is necessary to separate quick-slime from slow-slime. I
believe in jurisdiction, why the hell wouldn't I, my ax is sharp, and
my peasants are dull. Is that a statement my costly fellow. I told you
not to follow me here, do you want people to know what you really look
like, go back to your merry-go-round and contemplate your past, you
fucking scumbag. Does the no in nowhere appeal to you? Can I ride your
pony? Ah summertime my favorite playground, kill that dog, thank you.
Je ne c'est quoi? My riddance to you good fellow. Sometimes it is right
to involve family...car-crashes, diseases, spina-bifia, things like
that you know what I mean? I'm sorry did you say something, 'a slight
case of resistance under the pretense of being a people under the rule
of a tyrant', did you kill the old boy? Most admirable, I must say.
Caravan holidays can do strange things to a woman's mind, not to
mention her behind. Sore is it? You should have listened to the doctor,
he wanted to take you to a hotel. Is there reason in rhyme or, no rhyme
nor reason. Poet knows what he's talking about, seeks similar. I am the
Dogfather and you have entered my time dimension, hang your head no
longer for I am all things to nobody, but everything when least
needed

Can I end your tears, repair your fears, can I doze at the wheel of
your car? Do you drive...and who. Are you pretending to be insane, or
is it a condition you suffer from with compassion. Don't worry, as the
lay out of the show should do little to encourage gross fiends like
ourselves from getting any worse habits. First we shall interview a
creature from Paris who is so low that he crawls everywhere, and even
lower than that he crawls around in the sewers. He was a normal man the
same as any obessive compulsive, bestial, bigoted, red, raw scumbag is.
But with a difference, he had the decency to feel down quite a lot of
the time. It was a gradual process which first betrayed itself as a
tendency to lie down a lot, or at least, to remain sitting for long
periods. This developed over the months into a desire to sleep, or to
sit, on the floor whenever possible. This was not too disruptive to his
already hideous life, so basically no one gave a shit. But then, it
started to spiral downwards at a rate of knots and he had to move into
downstairs flats and cellars. He began to walk the streets hunched over
and to crawl when he had to go on to the higher floors of buildings.
This resulted in many beatings from the hands and feet of the decent
people who had begun to reguard him with some disgust. Dogs found him
convient to defecate on and birds began to drop loads on him from up
high. The world frankly became disgusted with his inability to deal
with its prefered reality position, so as a result he got shippped off
to France as a art exhibit and was placed in the lourve. Before long he
reviled those that saw him so much that they coaxed him into a sewer
drain and kicked him into the sewer, yet it was in this environment
that 'it' was to prospere. He became a bit of a celebrety among sewer
inhabitors. He opened up a bar and a nightclub and became quite an
elegant host, if not a bit short. They named drinks after him and
preformed dances and sexual acts in his honor, and it is to this day
that he has become a low-down rich scumbag. So without much further ado
ladies and gentlemen will you welcome Mr Low-down Scumbag...My but you
are quite disgusting, may I...give you a good kicking? May I...stamp,
real hard, on your face? Wow! please have a floor space. So tell me how
does it feel to have found your niche in life, no in fact don't tell me
because I know that you cannot speak. Did I ask to bring this creature
to the show? Is this what people want to see? I ask you can we not kill
this idol, or shall we let him return to his abode. We lured him up
here with promises of respect and decency. We told him that Johnny
Arson was a decent and fair man. But is he?...Am I? What do you see
when you look at me? Do you see a murderer? Do you know that I seduce
women from the audience, take them home and then brutally murder them?
Am I a liar? Am I a kind person masquerading as a fiend in order to
keep sociopaths at bay, or is it true that I lost my wife and have been
bitter ever since? Well so much to learn and so few brain cells to
learn it with. Shut up you snivelling shits. Get rid of that bastard, I
have a show to present and I won't have guests trying to ruin it for
me........

In order to give you a sense of the real and natural world of horror. I
have sent out teams of convicted convictors, armed with all your
addresses. They have simple instructions, but I don't think they will
follow them. You see they have problems with their lust, a disease,
maybe, but a condition nonetheless which requires homes full of smug
satisfied gorehounds to feast their gender upon. You my chosen people
have elected to open up your houses to some of the sickest males and
females of our present civilisation, not only by your sniffling
inequality and poor health, but by your disposition to enjoy the
suffering of others. Do you watch the news with excitement, especially
when there is a particularly horrifiying disaster being reported on? Do
you perchance report on the particular disasters? "Sit down you fool
its too late for running home with fear in your heart!" this is your
day, your 'now' if you get my meaning!! You sir, you're sweating pretty
badly. What disasster is about to enter your life? Hmmmnn? Anything you
could let us in on, maybe? COME ON MAN, give it to uys from the heart,
tell us what it feels like. Is the reality chokeing you? What do other
people look like now? Can you see their features more clearly, now that
you are...wait for it...one more drum roll please...iiinnnn ttthhhheeee
nnoooooooowww! How is it, hmmnn? How do you feel, man? Who is it? Tell
it to papa, come, come, the ladies and gentlemen of the audience all
want to hear, who's gonna get it in your house tonight, don't we ladies
and gentlemen 'YEEASS!!' they want it, you want it, the world wants it.
The convicted convictors are giving it, but who, I say who, is getting
it in number 17, Einfield drive, tonight? YOUR WIFE! My God, how could
you? And does she know where you are tonight? SHE DOESN'T, AAAHH! Does
she know who this scantly clad lady next to you is? SHE DOESN'T, AAAHH,
AAAHH, AAAHH! Ladies and gentlemon if you would like to look to the
screen, I think we're about to see who is in the chair with Claire, the
Lousville bear........