Preference

Ian always had a lot of friends. Even in kindergarten he was quite
popular. He went to a reputed co-educational school. And in junior
school most of his friends were girls. Not that he was girlish or
something. He was a little shorter than the other boys and
better-looking. Some of the girls appeared to think that Ian was one of
them. Poor Ian took two years to understand this. By the time he
started playing cricket with the boys he was called Pinky by all. At
first Ian did not bother but then someone put a doll in his school-bag.
There and then he decided that enough was enough. On a Friday afternoon
when everyone was playing near the school building he jumped from its
second floor. He was lucky that he fell on a pile of sand and did not
sustain any serious injury. But the point was made. The boys now looked
upon him as a 'tough guy'. And the girls just avoided him.
Everything changed in high school. Suddenly the boys started bringing
the mysterious books and magazines to school. Three or four of them
would gather at one place and then the books would emerge from some
secret pocket. They would look at the forbidden pictures and suddenly
everyone would turn crimson with embarrassment. Well, Ian was also
included in the confabulations. He too was asked about what he was
shown. He was always forced to lie because the excitement he felt was
rather momentary. And after seeing a few pictures they all seemed the
same. The boys seemed to be mad about the girls who studied with them.
Only a few years before they felt normal to call the girls 'sissy',
'skirts', 'snotpot' and such other names. But now, girls, even
plain-looking girls were regarded special. Everything that girls did
was observed carefully. Clandestine meetings were organized to analyse
girls' activities and all kinds of strange inferences made. Ian was
fascinated by girls too. But only when the girls were around. When Ian
was with his family he hardly ever thought of girls. He mentioned the
matter to some of his close friends and they said the same thing too.
The last year of school was particularly memorable for Ian. Not due to
anything extraordinary that happened during that time but because the
students realized that school was actually ending. Such was the nature
of the experience in school that Ian believed that school life would
never end. And when it did Ian found that he was unhappy. It was the
end of innocence for him. The end of dependence on people whom Ian
regarded as beacons. The day Ian left school he felt that he was
prepared to begin looking for his life. The life he wanted to live. But
his parents insisted that he should complete college before looking for
work. And so he took admission in a reputed college.
It was in college that Ian met Sonaa. She was as different from Ian as
she could possibly be. Ian had led a secure life. His father had paid
for the education he had received so far. He had never studied during
weekends. Instead he had tried to entertain himself from Friday night
onwards. Sonaa's father had died when she was ten years old. Her mother
had remarried three years later. Sonaa's stepfather did not want her to
get a Masters' Degree. In fact he did not even want her to complete
school. There was only one way out. Sonaa had been working in a press
for the last five years. She was determined to get a Masters' Degree
and join the civil service. Ian was greatly impressed by Sonaa's
resolve. Most of his friends in college were children of rich people.
They were also good students. Ian socialized with his fortunate friends
with abandon. However he often thought of Sonaa and her struggle to
fulfill her ambition. He found her ability to focus, to concentrate
single-mindedly on her aim, very very attractive. He got drunk one day
and went to Sonaa's house. He then asked her to marry him. He was so
sure that Sonaa would accept his proposal that he poured himself
another drink. But Sonaa threw him out and never spoke to him again.
Ian was disappointed but he did not let it bother him much.
The three years of college were soon over. Ian now had a first-class
university degree. It was now time to look for a job. He was no longer
the idealist who was looking for a life. Instead he was seeking an
income. He saw an advertisement in the papers that interested him. The
national army was looking for officers to be recruited on short service
basis. Ian had seen a lot of movies with soldiers and fighting in them.
He found their job very glamorous and rather challenging. His mother
was not very eager since her brother had died in action leaving behind
a wife and two children. She knew the harsh realities of army life. She
told her son that he could easily become a lawyer and join his father's
law practice. But Ian was sure of what he was doing. He wanted to use
his youth, his enthusiasm, his fearless nature to protect the country
that had been kind to him. He wanted his nation to be proud of him. He
appeared for the recruitment test and cleared it. His mother and father
were very sad when they were informed that their only son had been
selected to protect the country. But they were impressed by his
keenness and noted his great happiness at being selected for army
training.
The training was exhaustive. The academy prepared each soldier both
mentally and physically. The soldier was equipped to handle any kind of
civil or military crisis. Each cadet was taught how to discipline
himself in every possible way. At the end of three months Ian was both
proud and happy. At the passing-out parade he was adjudged the best
cadet. As he received his diploma from the Colonel, Ian found that his
eyes had become moist. Two days later he received intimation of his
first posting. It was near the northern border. His father wanted to
pay his airfare. But Ian decided that he would go with the others by
train, in the general compartment. At first it seemed a great thing to
do. But then he found out that the compartment had no bunks. You were
expected to sleep on the floor. No separate bathroom too. It was a
two-day journey but he got used to it ultimately. The train ended its
journey early in the morning. There were jeeps to take the soldiers to
the local headquarters. As his jeep started Ian thought to himself,
'This is it'. All his life he had lived for himself. He had made
himself happy and perhaps his parents. He was a strapping young man of
twenty-three. He had good health and the eagerness to engage another
man in combat. The army had trained him to be a good fighter. He wanted
to prove his capability, his natural aggression. Now, he was completely
ready to become what he had always dreamt of being-a good soldier.