Friendship is a precious thing

When I was 15, I made friends with Franchesca. It was when we had
moved to Chula Vista, and my siblings and I had been put in a public
school. (We had been put in private schools until this time. My parents
insisted upon it until Carla kicked up a fuss. I'm so happy she did. I
didn't want to be sheltered.)
We had such a great friendship... and then I met her brother.
I can't deny the fact that he intrigued me. We flirted every time I was
round Franchesca's house. Every now and then, we'd tease each other
about things... and we wouldn't think anything of it. Not even
Franchesca cared. She knew it meant nothing.
One night, when I was staying at her house, we were sitting downstairs,
watching movies... and she fell asleep. I was left sitting with
Christian (Franchesca's brother) and his friend. We just stayed up
talking and drinking... until I decided that I wanted to go for a walk.
Christian's friend wasn't too keen... but Christian offered to take me
up to the park near the house.
We walked up there... talking about my silly little love life. At the
time, I was dating a guy called Lee. He was a nice guy, but at the
time, I was petrified of commitment, and neither of us knew what was
going on. At 15... you need guidance in relationships, and there I was,
marvelling at how Christian, (who was 18) had been through basically
every relationship dilemna there was. He was guidance. I could really
learn from him.
Talking at the park was different. I got to get my problems out in the
open, and he always had a different way of answering things.
On the way back to the house, we started talking about stupid things...
and at the top of the drive, he was just tickling me. Then he stepped
in front of me and gave me the look. I ignored it... and Christian's
friend strolled up the drive that very moment. I let that incident
slide, as I was not that familiar with the look.

However, due to all the questions that had risen up from inside, I
broke up with Lee the next day.

Then... one day, I went over to Franchesca's house with my other
friend, Bunny. We were going to a party that night, and we helped each
other with our hair, picked out dresses, etc. and throughout the day,
Christian fired these little insults at me, and I began to get a little
offended.
Pretty soon, it was time to leave. My brother came to pick us up... and
when we got there... the party was really stupid. Franchesca, Bunny and
I got so bored, so I decided to call Christian, to see if he'd pick us
up. He was having some friends over, and he sent them to pick us
up.
Well... they came, and took us right back to Franchesca's, where
Christian was holding a little mini party for his close friends... and
us.
Franchesca decided to sit out on the balcony and smoke pot with a few
of the guys, while I talked to Christian about random stuff.
Franchesca ended up making a grand total of 5 sandwiches, and then
ended up in deep sleep on the couch. Nothing could disturb her. Bunny
was throwing cheese at her, and she didn't do anything.
I continued to talk to Christian. He said that he was worried about me
because some other guys that had showed up were saying stuff about me.
Downstairs, Bunny and the others were playing with handcuffs. We heard
the words "handcuff" "Megan" and "Christian" in the same sentence, so
we immediately hid in the spare bedroom so they couldn't handcuff us
together.
I sat on the bed... and he hid behind the door. We listened for the
footsteps of the others... and soon enough... there they were.
At that point, I walked towards the door... feeling my way around the
room (it was pitch black) and I ended up placing my hand on Christian's
face. He put his arm around me... and started kissing my neck.
This completely freaked me out. He was my best friends brother. It was
weird. I immediately made a lame excuse to get out of the room... and
out we went.
Later on... we'd both been drinking... and we just ended up talking in
his room. I loved talking to him. It was as if he had all the time in
the world to listen to me. I could tell that he was soaking it all
in... and I loved the attention that he gave me. I also loved to find
out about him.
We talked for 3 hours... he told me that he liked me and he began to
kiss me after that. I refused, and told him that I respected him as
friend, but nothing more. He was ok with it... but very
persistent.
Maybe it's wrong to say this... but despite knowing it was wrong, and
turning it down... I loved it. If he wasn't Franchesca's brother...
things would have been different. Sure, I was only 15, but I had never
felt this way about a guy. It wasn't another stupid crush... I had so
much respect for him... and he had it for me.
We were both pretty tired after 2 more hours of debating over whether
it was a good idea or not... and I went downstairs to see how
Franchesca was. She was still sleepy, and she said that I could sleep
in her bed. She also asked me to tell Christian to set the alarm for
the next day.
I walked up, ready for me... and peered in Christian's room. "Don't
forget to set the alarm for Chessy. Alright?" I whispered. "I've done
it." he replied, so I began to close his door, so he could get some
sleep. I whispered goodnight, and in return... and smiled and said
"Thanks Megan. I have so much fun with you."

The next day, things were awkward between me and him.. but only for a
brief period of time. I told Bunny, and she was shocked if anything. I
couldn't even believe it... yet I kept pondering over whether I did the
right thing.
Surely if I felt that way about someone, I should have done something
about it.

Thoughts about Christian buzzed around in my head. It was a confusing
time. My friendship with Franchesca was still great. Nothing changed...
and she knew what happened. She said that she didn't care what
happened... but she was honored that I had considered her.

Months went by... and Christian and I talked every now and then. One
afternoon, I went upstairs to wake him up, and we ended up talking for
another couple of hours.

Until one night... he and his friend took Chessy, Bubbles, Tuesday and
me to their other friends' house. Yet again... we drank... well... all
of us except Christian drank. I ended up nearly passing out in the
kitchen... and I remember Christian picking me up and putting me down
in his car. By then, it was time to go home.
We dropped James, Bubbles and Summer off at their homes... and then
Franchesca decided that she wanted to go driving with Pete... so she
got out of the car... and once again, it was just me and him.
Still very intoxicated, I made Christian drive around everywhere until
I sobered up. It got to 1am... and he was still driving. We kept
talking... and things never got old. We never had awkward silences. We
were so comfortable with each other.
He kept asking me "What would you do if someone kissed you now?" and at
first, I ignored it... wondering about what I should do.
In the end... I gave in, and I had my first kiss with him, sitting on a
hill, looking down on a beautiful view of the city.
Yet again, I don't know if it's wrong to say this... but I will never
forget that night. Even if it sounds stupid or silly... it's special to
me. He was special to me...

It was just a few kisses. Nothing more... and at the time... I didn't
feel the need to tell Chessy.

I didn't tell anyone about that... I was scared that people would judge
me upon it. I didn't want that... so I shut up. It was the weekend
after that thing started coming out...

We were at James's party. I was trashed AGAIN (I drank so much when I
was 13-16) and so was he. I was with him all night. It was fun... and
then when the morning came... all I could do was cry. I couldn't
continue to keep all this crap from my best friend. It was wrong.
I told Mark... and he ordered me to tell Franchesca. He helped me write
a letter to her. It was corny... but it was all true. I wanted her to
know that despite keeping secrets from her, I still loved her and hoped
that she could forgive me.

Things were weird to start off with... she was annoyed... but she got
over it. We were friends again. She said that she didn't mind, just as
long as I let her know what was going on. I promised her that i'd tell
her whenever something happened. I cherished her friendship so much. I
wanted her to see that.
A few weeks after that, I kissed him at a party... and Franchesca was
there. She was ok with it... but later that night, when Christian took
me home when I didn't want to go home... I sulked (I was drunk again)
and asked him if we could go back to the party. He said that I couldn't
go back because he didn't want me there. I asked why, and he said that
he wanted to spend time with his other friends, rather than with
me.
Being incredibly intoxicated, I took this the wrong way... and I got
really angry and annoying. When we got to my house... I immediately got
out of the car and slammed the door in his face.

He did not appreciate this.

He told Franchesca that he had kicked me out of the car. He also told
her about every stupid thing that I had done. I guess he had reason.
Franchesca told everyone. I guess she did too.

My friendship with Franchesca was never the same. We were distant ever
since she was told that stuff about me. I miss being best friends with
her. I really do. She was a special friend, and I was stupid to put our
friendship in jeopardy. Really liking, perhaps even loving someone, is
no excuse for betraying your friends. I learned that the hard
way.

As for Christian... we haven't spoken since I walked out of the car
that night. It's been 3 years. He's 21 now. He lives in Arizona and
he's back in San Diego for Christmas. I saw him the other day... but I
made sure that he didn't see me.
Maybe I should talk to him... but maybe he doesn't even remember the
little 15 year old that began to fall in love with him all those years
ago.
I've done a lot of growing up since then. Sometimes I wish I had the
guts to walk up to Christian and say "Remember me?" But I know I won't.
I'm too scared of rejection... or perhaps i'm scared of falling for him
again.
Maybe, the day before he goes back to Arizona... i'll pass him... and
smile. I smiled a lot when I was with him, so maybe he'll remember
those times...