Who's Hungry&;#063;

I have to lose a lot of weight. This is not me lamenting after
staring at myself too hard in the mirror, this is what the doctor says.
I won't tell you what I weigh, or what my goal is, because I haven't
even been able to tell my husband, but....there's many pounds
difference between them. I now weigh more than either of my brothers.
One is 6'2", the other is 6'5". And I weigh more. A 5'9" woman weighs
more than her very tall beer drinking male siblings. Do you realize how
sad that is? Yes, I'm sure you do. Don't remind me. I was in a state of
shock when the nurse announced my weight after I waddled off the scale.
And then the doctor pointed to my belly and says, "You've gained
weight, I think. You have stretch marks." Thanks, doc. I was hoping
someone would notice my shame.

At least when I was single, no one noticed. I noticed, but no one else
did. It bothered me that I had roadmap stretch marks and arms so flabby
I could take off in a stiff wind, but no one else saw them. It was ok
that I had doorstop breasts, because as I mentioned, no one else saw
them. Now there's someone who sees it all every day of the week. I keep
hoping the floor next to the bed will open so I can fall in and
disappear until I'm thin again.

Ok, so I HAVE TO lose this weight. Yes, I WILL wear stretchy shirts and
belts and plunging necklines again. I MUST! I MUST! I MUST DECREASE MY
BUST! I will show cleavage without swallowing innocent bystanders up in
the carnage of my boobs. I will go to the pool and not take 30 minutes
to convince myself to unzip those shorts and take that shirt off. I
will buy new clothes that fit, and they WILL NOT come from Lane Bryant.
I will go to the seamstress for a fitting and NOT be asked when I am
"due." And someday, when I am pregnant, I will be one of those cute
glowing women. Not one of those fat pigs with a bun in the oven who
make you squint your eyes and shake your head with pity. I will pick up
a pizza without wondering if the passers-by are heckling me under their
breath.

Blood pressure, migraines, heart disease, acid reflux....SCREW
IT.
I just want to LOOK good. I'm too young to fear heart attacks and
angina.