Yes, I Just Called Her Ma

Too seldom have I crossed paths with another who has had the
capability to make an impact on my life. I tend to choose my friends
and loved ones carefully and don't invite many into my heart.

Terry is one of the few I have allowed to enter. With her my heartgates
have swung wide open. We share many hours of the day together and on
one day in particular comes to mind&;#8230;

The fishing was slow that early spring morning. Crappies and bass had
been seen swimming in the sun-drenched shallows. Terry threads on an
artificial purple worm and gazes out at the water. Her lure nearly
caught the back of my cap as she cast aimlessly over-handed.

"Terry, what are ya thinkin' about buddie?"

"Awwww Chrissy, I was just thinking how Ma would have loved it here by
the pond." She could have just sat here by the pond not fishing or
anything and would've had the best time. Oh, now I wish&;#8230;"
Terry's voice quietly trailed off.

I had just been thinking the same thing about my mother. She loved my
modest little house on the hill with the pond below. Mom and I always
loved sharing the simplest things in life. I know Terry well enough to
know she was thinking similar thoughts of her mamma too. Seems like
Terry and I think a lot of the same thoughts lately. We had both said
"farewell" to our mother's the same year. Her mother and my mother died
within six months of one another.

Terry and I live less than two miles apart in a very small Ohio town.
We ate in the same neighborhood restaurant and shopped the local IGA,
yet we had never met.

We like to believe that our Mothers in some way brought us together.
Our friendship seems to be heaven sent.

"Tell me what you wish." I gently urged."

"I wish our moms had known each other before. They would've become best
friends just like we are now."

"Yeah, that would have been really cool. What fun the four of us
could've had!"

"Well, it's a wonderful thought and who's to say they aren't." Terry
smiled.

The hook whizzed close to my ear another time and we decided that this
wasn't a good fishing day anyway.

"Hey, Chrissy, lets paddle over to the far shore and have our lunch. We
can just sit and reminisce and munch."

"That's a great idea Terry! I wanted to discuss something with you
anyway." I grinned.

"Now I'm worried." She grinned back.

At that moment I wondered if that sweet smile was a mirror of her
mothers. She had told me often of her mothers'special smile. Somehow I
knew the answer without having to ask her the question. Terry's smile,
like her friendship, was priceless.

The row across the pond seemed to take longer than usual as we both sat
quietly lost in our own memories. The breeze was as gentle as I had
remembered my mothers touch. I was hoping that Terry was having
pleasant memories too.

The front of the boat nosed into the muddy bank with a jolt. I tied the
boat to a small evergreen as we proceeded to unload the picnic lunch we
would share.

"I'll grab the fried chicken and the potato chips if you get the
cooler." Terry called out.

"No problem. Just pick a spot and I'll join you as soon as I secure our
boat. I sure don't want to have to swim back to the other shore in this
cold water."

"Good plan! I don't feel much like swimming either!"

With the blanket spread out and enough food for a family reunion we
once again began to speak about our mothers. It was nice that we could
share our hearts and our deepest feelings. So many times we try to talk
to our family and other friends but they just don't seem to understand.
Was it because Terry and I shared several similar bonds? Both of us had
been very close to our mothers and some days the loss we felt was
nearly unbearable. How do you explain the emptiness when you find
yourself without your mother&;#8230;your best friend? How did we
justify to the others when we feel blue and the tears come without an
invitation?

"Chrissy, does the pain ever get better? I thought when we shared our
feelings that it would all go away, it would get easier. I read
someplace that, 'a problem shared is a problem halved,' or something
like that." Terry said with a heavy sigh.

She looked like a small child as her bright blue eyes looked deep into
mine. I found myself silently asking myself, "How can I answer that? I
wondered what my mother would have said."

That day was one of the many in the past year that Terry and I spend
"remembering" our moms. We shared many of their hopes and dreams with
each other.

Terry is one of the strongest women I know.

She provides me with daily inspiration. I remember her telling me that
she feels a lot of her strengths she gained from her mother.
Her mother quit school in the ninth grade to help support her family.
Nearly all her earnings were spent helping feed the younger two
sisters. She continued to help support the family until the time she
moved to Florida to become a bride. Her husband-to-be was in the air
force and the war was raging they wanted to start a family together.
This was a big step since all throughout her life she was told that she
was "too stupid to do anything."

Soon after the wedding he was transferred to England and she was left
alone with a baby on the way. They decided that she should move back to
Ohio and stay with her in-laws who were old and ailing. The house was
cold and drafty and a small heater had been used to warm the home.
Venting was not adequate and she found herself over come with carbon
monoxide along with her mother and father in-law. Unfortunately she was
the only survivor. Loosing the baby along with her in-laws just
re-enforced what she had been told all of her life&;#8230;

Because of the loss her husband was reassigned to the states. Soon she
found herself pregnant again. It takes a lot of strength and courage to
lose a child. The determination to have a family was especially
burdensome since she had been deaf since she was two. Her faith allowed
her to reach deep inside to find the strength, courage and love she
needed to continue with her dream. A woman who had six pregnancies in
six years gave birth to only four of them. Terry was the
last&;#8230;the baby.

A mother's unfaltering love remained true during the hard times and the
abuse. The children grew and eventually left home. She was pleased that
each of her four children had the opportunity to have graduated from
high school. (A dream that she would one day accomplished her self at
the young age of 66.) Two of her children went on to college, one went
to the Navy and retired after twenty years of dedication and one
daughter married and raised a family. She was proud of all her children
and even more proud of her seven grandchildren and six
great-grandchildren.

Terry was raised to be strong and independent. She wanted to be wild
and free and experience all that life had to offer... things that her
mother had never had the opportunity to explore. In Terry she instilled
patience, independence and the ability to realize her own self
worth

April 1997, at the age of forty-five, Terry settled for the security
and the stability that comes along with marriage. Her mother was
pleased with her decision to settle down and with the one she chose to
settle with.

September 1997 Terry received a message that her mother had suffered a
stroke. Neither of their lives were ever the same again. Terry cared
for her mother for the next eight months until the time came that she
could no longer provide her with the care she needed.

Terry had been witness to her mother being a caregiver for years to her
siblings and other family members and knew the responsibilities were
sometimes impossible

The only recourse was to place her mother in a nursing home where she
lived the next six weeks&;#8230;this time a daughter's unfaltering
love remained true just as her mother's did for her.

"Chrissy, do you ever think they may have been separated at birth?"
Terry questioned.

I could only join in her laughter&;#8230;We often comment how
similar our mothers were.

My mother had been in an orphanage until the age of ten so I suppose
anything could've been possible. Her own mother placed her there
because she was unwanted and abused.

Mom would tell me stories of how she was beaten with anything and
everything.

I thought parenting skills were learned but I know that isn't true. My
mother was loving and gentle and certainly had no role model in her
parents. I learned many things from Mamma. She had many gifts and
talents. I feel her greatest gift to me was unconditional love. I was
shown that love is a blessing not to be demanded but earned. She helped
me develop the gift of love to pass along to my children.

"Doni-Mae" was a remarkable woman. I grew up admiring her strengths and
learning from her weaknesses. She demonstrated patience as she taught
me to read and write at four years old.

Mom worked side by side with daddy on the farm from sun up to sun down
and I never once heard her complain about the hard work.

I learned that hard work had its rewards.

I witnessed her devotion as she loved dad exclusively for forty plus
years.

Her faith never wavered as she faced sickness and hardship. Perhaps
loving too much was her greatest weakness. Even at the moment of death
she worried about me and not about herself. With her last breath she
gave me strength to take her position as the family matriarch. She
never would let us say "goodbye" she asked us to say "later."

Mamma is just a sweet memory but her teachings guide me each day of my
life. Her love and teachings reside within my heart&;#8230;forever
and always.

There was a chill in the air as we begin to pack up to head back across
the pond. The bright sun was creeping behind the willows but a poem
fills my head and I take time to write the words. Maybe just for the
simple fact that I was &;#8230;

"Missing Mamma"
The sun came up this morning
It wasn't very bright
My dark mood cast a shadow
It's hard to see the light.

We all have just one mother
And, now her life is done
The emptiness and loss I feel
Makes it hard to see the sun.

Tomorrow is a brand new day
May the pain and sadness lighten
I will remember all her love
And, the sky will brighten.

Gone is not forgotten
Her love remains behind
She's traveled in a new direction
Love knows no space or time.

I will always love her
She will guide me from above
She will send me starlight and rainbows
To remind me of her love.

***The gifts we receive from those we love can not be measured only
treasured. We each possess the ability to display many gifts and
talents but sometimes we need others to share them with in order to
develop them.
I choose these 'others' cautiously but occasionally one does come along
who knows the weakest link in the chain and therefore has access to my
heart.

I looked up and asked, Hey Terry, what was your momma's name?" She
replied&;#8230;" I just called her Ma."