podcast2

Enog: So they control Earth now? 

Zab: Only on land. You see, Earth is 70% water, and humans are land based mammals

Enog: Ah! And is there intelligent life in Earth’s oceans? 

Zab: Highly intelligent!

Enog: More so than the humans? 

Zab: I  believe this to be so, but as they as they aren't the most compliant of creatures it is hard to be sure. 

Enog: What are they called? 

Zab: they do not use words

Enog: They must have some way of describing themselves?

Zab : They identify as colours - red, amber, green, sludgy brown and... I think a kind of turquoise? 

Enog: So do they communicate through colour? 

Zab: Yes, they have these cells called chromatophores across their whole body, and these enable them to change it into any colour they have in minds

Enog : Minds plural?

Zab: Correct

Enog :And to think we have to have an additional brain installed every time we want to learn something new! What do they look like, besides their chosen colour? 

Zab: They have a central body, with 8 tentacles, all of which can taste, touch and move on their own, as each one also has its own brain. 

Enog:  Woah! Obviously the superior species to humans - they are pathetic in the limbs department, right?

Zab : 2 arms, two legs, yes

Enog: And they start out with 8 limbs and 9 brains! How close are they to developing light speed?

They must be so smart, imagine if they could get even more! 

Zab: I’m not sure that could happen. 

Enog: How not, don’t they have any services like Bod Swap Prime or You Plus? They’re having a sale by the way, got me a set of Crumb Collecting Vacuum Fingers, look! *Snaps fingers, Hoover sounds* 

Zab: Ow! Please, watch my whiskers! 

Enog : Sorry

Zab : Where was I?  Ah yes. chromosomatic communication has its drawbacks, particular for sensitive species such as this 

Enog : Do you have an example

Zab : Well, they become easily distracted? Which can lead to misunderstandings. For example if the polite thing to say is ‘blue yellow orange’ but they go ‘blue yellow PURPLE, PURPLE, PURPLE!’ because they suddenly see something purple, (Purple, purple, purple by the way means ‘Your mother is a *BLEEP* sucker, why don’t you suck my *BLEEP*, with your pathetic 2200 suckers compared to my 2244, you *BLEEP* sucking *BLEEP*’) And that can ruin a scientific symposium, and possibly lead to being consumed if directed at a hungry audience.  

Enog: Oh, wow so they just straight up eat each other if they feel insulted? My kinda folk!  Have there been any attempts at starting another language? 

Zab: Well, they came up with a complex sign language, but having eight limbs found it even harder to communicate

Enog : Can't discuss knotty problems if you are literally in a knot

Zab: Indeed

Enog: So how do they manage with low levels of light, do they have night vision? 

Zab: Nope.  At night, they either turn dark blue, same as their underwater environment,  and creep up on unsuspecting fish, or sleep in under rocks. If they talk in their sleep, they randomly blend between colours. 

Enog: You're kidding me, these dudes don't spend their nights sleeping under rocks! That's ASS talking.  I would like to hear about what really goes on!

Zab: No, you really wouldn’t. I have been in one of their clubs, I was tangled in a suckery smooch of random colours that changed with the spinning disco lights, amid clouds of black ink from the more those trying to hide the fact they had eaten the band