Cloud-cuckoo-land Chapter 4.

Chapter Four

 

A One‑Horse Town.

 

“Sit at the front,” ordered the Cuckoo. “It is usually packed inside with the band and the pushers who manage to climb in.”

“What is this?” Lemmy inquired.

“Simple,” the Cuckoo replied. “This is a bandwagon. The men who are pushing it are putting their shoulders to the wheel in the hopes of eventually getting on the bandwagon. Bandwagons like this are very popular.”

As they rolled along, there was a scuffle in the back of the wagon, and two smartly dressed men were pushed out. Immediately, two of the wheel‑pushers climbed in. They were also smartly dressed in dark business suits, white shirts, and neatly fastened ties.

The men who had been ejected took their places at the wheels.

“I don’t understand,” puzzled Lemmy. “Why do they want to get on the bandwagon? It seems very crowded already.”

“Ah, well, now,” the Cuckoo sniffed. “You would be surprised at the number of people who do want to get on. They think that it will make them very popular. Also, it saves them from having to think of any new ideas for themselves.”

“Does it work?” Lemmy asked.

“Sometimes,” the Cuckoo said. “There are an awful lot of people out there who believe everything that the men and women on the bandwagon tell them.”

The wagon was pushed into the one‑horse town. There was a notice by the roadside which said Welcome to One Way Town.

Lemmy read it out loud. “Seems a strange name for a town,” he commented.

“Not really,” said the Cuckoo. “It only has one way, and traffic is not allowed to go both ways on the town’s one‑way system.”

Lemmy scratched his head. “So what happens if you go past where you want to stop?”

Cuckoo explained, “Then you have to go right back to the beginning.”

Lemmy thought to himself that the explanation did not explain anything.

The wagon moved very slowly along the street. The people on it shouted at the pedestrians, telling them to come and listen to their ideas.

No one did. However, Lemmy did see a lot of curtains in the windows move, as if people inside were looking out.

The wagon stopped outside the first shop on the street. It had a sign on the roof and a red‑and‑white striped pole. The sign read Barber and Grinder.

Lemmy knew all about barbers. He had had to suffer having his hair cut only a few days earlier.

“What is a grinder?” he asked.

“The people in this town love sticking their noses into other people’s business,” answered the Cuckoo. “And that makes their noses get longer and longer. As a result, they must occasionally seek assistance from the barber and grinder. He turns the wheel and they put their noses to the grindstone until they are the correct length again.”

“Doesn’t it hurt having your nose shortened like that?” asked Lemmy.

“Yes, of course it does, but they don’t have to do that often and they forget how much it hurts, so they keep on sticking their noses in where they are not wanted.”

Lemmy giggled. “My mum calls them long‑nosed curtain‑twitchers. Whenever she walks down our street the curtains move as the people inside watch her go past.”

The next shop had a sign that said Windows. In the windows were lots of little window frames.

“That is so that the people here may go window shopping,” explained the Cuckoo.

The third shop had a sign which read Chips.

“Oooh, good,” Lemmy said. “I could eat a bag of chips right now.”

“Not these chips,” the Cuckoo chuckled. “These are chips off the old block. They are very hard. The people here use them to prop open doors. They like to keep their doors open so that they can see what is going on around them.”

“Oh,” said Lemmy. “And I suppose that the shop over there with the sign Corner Shop on it sells corners.”

“Don’t be silly,” the Cuckoo snorted. “It is a corner shop because it is on the corner. It sells everything from aniseed balls to washing‑up liquid.”

Outside the next shop was a barrow full of apples. “They look nice,” remarked Lemmy. He leant out of the wagon to see if he could snatch an apple. The Cuckoo pulled him back and warned, “The barrow is not very steady and you do not want to go upsetting the apple cart.”

Shaking his head, Lemmy said, “This place is weird.”

The next shop was one of those souvenir shops. The window was full of mugs with pictures of local scenes printed on them.

“My mum always buys those when we go on holiday,” said Lemmy. “She has dozens of them.”

“She would not buy those,” said the Cuckoo. “Look closely at them and you will see that nearly all of them are broken.”

“Seems a bit odd to be trying to sell broken crockery,” puzzled Lemmy.

“That’s what we told the owner, but what can you do with a bull that insists on having a china shop?” the Cuckoo replied.

Sure enough, as they went past, a large bull came to the door. It waved to Lemmy and the Cuckoo before going back inside, and there was the sound of breaking crockery.

Just before the end of the town, there was a horse trough. On it was a sign which said Drink horsy drink.

There was a horse standing by the trough. To Lemmy’s astonishment, the animal was wearing clothes. It had a pair of blue trousers on its back legs, a pair of green trousers on its front ones, a striped shirt over its neck and back, and a straw hat on its head.

Lemmy nudged the Cuckoo and pointed at the horse. “I don’t remember ever seeing a horse with clothes on before.”

“Well, it is a clothes horse,” said the Cuckoo. “And this is a one‑horse town.”

As the wagon slowly left the town, Lemmy heard the horse say, “You may have brought me to the water, but you can’t make me drink it.”