Talk

We took a left at Junction 2 and followed the signs for Stockport
East. Adam was whining about always having to drive but I wasn't having
any of it. I told him to stop moaning and take a right at the
roundabout. Griff agreed: "Can't you do anything without fucking
complaining?" Griff's accent was pure Welsh and he cracked me up
whenever he spoke. I liked the rhythm of his voice. The words kind of
went up and down and I liked listening to the sounds they made. We both
laughed and Adam did too. He didn't mind a bit of banter. It was
Saturday afternoon and the sun was shining and we were all feeling
pretty good.

We came to a stop at the back of a line of cars and Adam punched the
steering wheel, kind of over dramatically. Like he was taking the hold
up personally. But we all knew he wasn't so bothered: he was only happy
when he had something to moan about. In the distance I could see the
flashing lights of an ambulance and there was a policeman waving his
arms around like he was conducting an orchestra. "Fucking accident,"
Adam said, looking at me for help. "Turn back, we'll go the long way
around." Adam worked his way through the gears and we ripped it out of
his driving. Griff was really sticking the boot in: "It's supposed to
be a three-point turn, not a fucking ten-point turn." Adam muttered
something about it being the last time he'd ferry us two bastards
around but we just laughed. The roads cleared up and pretty soon we
were back on track. We got to Dan's a little late but that was okay. It
was Saturday afternoon and we had plenty of time.

Dan looked the same as he always did: the way I always think of him. He
was wearing baggy shorts that went all the way down to his skinny
little ankles. His t-shirt was at least two sizes too big and I
wondered when he was going to start wearing clothes that actually
fitted him. I mean we weren't kids any more. He got out a bag of weed
and some pills, which he put in another bag and I handed over the
money. Dan already had a joint on the go and I skinned another up just
to be sociable. I didn't want him to think I was just there to
score.

Adam rolled one and then it was Griff's turn. After that I was starting
to feel a little stoned. Dan was banging on about going back to
university as a mature student. I wasn't listening until he started on
about this girl he knew, who was doing a Masters in fudge making. Yeah,
fudge making. "No shit," he said. "It's called 'Independent Studies'.
You can do a project on anything you want. She makes this fudge, like
it's her own recipe or maybe her grandma's recipe, I don't fucking
know. Anyway, she makes it, and then she sells it on Campus. That's her
project and at the end of it, she gets a Masters." Adam wasn't having
it, I could tell. He's quite a right wing sort of a guy at heart: I
remember him being disgusted when he found out I read the Guardian. I
think that's kind of why I liked him. "What the fuck's fudge making got
to do with getting a Masters?" He said. "That's really fucked up. You
don't need a Masters to make fudge, right? So why should you get a
Masters for making fudge?" Dan looked kind of put out but I said I had
to agree with Adam. I was kind of impressed with his logic. I said we
better be making a move and we got our shit together. "I'll give you a
bell, mate." Dan said, but I knew he wouldn't. He always left it for me
to get in touch with him.

We'd all kind of forgotten about the accident, what with the weed and
everything. We only remembered when we saw this guy stopping cars in
front of us. He looked like he was pointing out the diversion. Part of
the road was cordoned off with yellow and black tape and I could see
flowers on the curb by the side of the road. Like X marks the spot.
"Fucking typical," I said. "I bet the bastards still warm and they've
got the flowers out already." Adam dropped his window to speak to the
guy on the scene. He didn't look like he was official or anything. He
was just some guy off the street. He had a mug of coffee in his hand. I
wondered why he hadn't got anything better to do on a Saturday evening
and thought about asking him. Before he could say a word I leant over.
"It's alright mate, we know the fucking way." Adam and Griff looked a
bit embarrassed and the guy was kind of put out but I didn't care. I
hate those interfering bastards. We hit the road and I got the tablets
out and necked one straight away, washing it down with some Diet Coke.
I passed one to Griff and he did the same. "Aren't we waiting till we
get home," Adam said, always complaining. "Just shut the fuck up and
swallow your pill," Griff shouted from the back and we all laughed. I
switched on some music and we headed for home.

I was already feeling the E by the time we made it back. I could feel
the butterflies in my stomach and little rushes running through my
body. I kept wanting to stretch out and when I did it felt really good.
We weren't planning a wild night out. Just a lads night in, chilling
out with a few pills and a big bag of weed. None of us were mad for it
ravers exactly, certainly not anymore, but we all still liked a good
blow out now and again. Adam sorted out the music and Griff and me took
care of the joints. We rolled some big old cones and compared them with
each others to see whose were the best. Griff said his were but I
disagreed. Adam said that both our efforts left a lot to be desired and
that he'd take care of the rolling for the rest of the night. He always
said stuff like that, especially when he was stoned.

The E's were really kicking in and we were all starting to chatter. I
mean we really talked some shit. Griff got on to the subject of smoking
weed, which was always a favourite of his. We talked about which was
the best part of a joint: the first bit, the middle bit or the end bit.
Griff was getting into it. "You've got the start see, which is good
because you're in control. You can choose how long you keep it and make
sure you always have a good long smoke." I was getting into it too:
"Then you've got the middle bit, which is the best smoke. Like it's
always burning really nicely by the time you get to the middle. On the
downside though, kind of like the first bit, you always know you've got
to pass it on. You can never quite relax. I mean you can't just pass
someone the roach can you?" I said. "Adam fucking does," Griff said and
I laughed. We didn't stop there. I guess we were labouring the point
but we were all happy talking about it so we didn't stop. "Then you've
got the end bit, which you might expect to be the thin end of the
wedge, with the harsh smoke and the hot lips and all that. But that's
not whole story. I mean you can relax with the end bit. Like you don't
have to worry about passing it on to anybody. It's all yours." After
Griff had finished, Adam and me nodded in appreciation and I could tell
that we all felt pretty pleased with ourselves that we'd got this one
nailed down. Like we'd come to some kind of deep understanding.

We carried on smoking and pretty soon the tablets were wearing off and
the weed was getting the upper hand. I was starting to feel a little
tired. That's when I told them about the lump. I didn't want to bring
anyone down or anything but it just kind of came out. I'd almost
forgotten about it all night and when I remembered I just said it
straight off the cuff. I think they were both pretty shocked and I
didn't blame them: I'd been kind of shocked myself. They asked me how
long I'd known about it and I told them. I looked at Adam and I could
tell he wanted to say something but it was like he couldn't get the
words. "It's alright mate, " I said, just to help him out. "I'm getting
it sorted." I think that did the trick and it seemed to put his mind at
rest a little. Then we got on to the subject of checking yourself and I
showed them how it was done. Next thing we were all sat there feeling
our genitals. I guess it must have looked pretty comical: three stoned
guys sat around with their hands down their pants, feeling their balls.
We all laughed at the scene. After a while we stopped talking about it,
like we'd said all there was to be said on the subject and I was glad.
I was kind of pleased I'd got it out but I'd talked about it enough for
one night. Adam skinned a last one up for the road but Griff was
already crashed out on the sofa. I didn't fancy waking him up so I
figured he could stay there for the night. I was tired and I thought
about turning in myself.