A Man Named Kellie Ray

A Man Named Kellie Ray

The most beautiful person I have ever met is a transvestite named
Kellie Ray. Ray is his real name. Ray wears make-up that shimmers in
the city lights. She loves to be in the city lights. Kellie Ray. I
asked her one time why she did it, she said it's like this. She said
have you got a memory of a girl you loved, a moment when she didn't
know you were watching her and she looked so beautiful. Just unaware
that you were looking at her face. Kellie Ray said:
'Have you got a memory like that? Well imagine wanting that girl so
much, wanting that memory to stay. Imagine wanting someone to look at
you like that.' Kellie Ray said: 'It's kinda like that. You become what
you love.'

How I met Ray is that sometimes I cry in my sleep. I don't know why, I
just wake up sucking in quick breaths and wiping at my cheeks. It just
happens. So what I do is I walk to get myself to sleep again. I watch
the tiny flags at the car yard flicker against the stars. Watch the
insomniacs dance with the washing machines under the anaemic lights of
the laundromat. This is how I met Ray, all beat up and picking tiny
stones off his knees. Kellie Ray. She'd been chased by a couple of
drunk guys. They chased her and threw a half full bottle of beer at her
head which changed parts of her hair blood red. They kicked her in the
testicles over and over, saying if you are really a woman. If you're
really a woman then this won't hurt. They pushed her into the gutter,
black and pink smudges of make up across her face. She could taste
blood from some place. This is where I found her and I took her back to
my house, helped her out.

Without the hair and make up, Ray is a quiet guy. He works in a call
centre asking people to buy products. Ray listens to his CD player on
the train ride home. He always moves aside to let a lady past.
Sometimes, he forgets to turn the bathroom heater off when he goes out.
Without the make-up, Ray could pass you a hundred times in your life
and you'd never second look him. Ray sips at his coffee on the other
side of my table at three a.m. He smiles, says 'thanks for this'.
'You live here by yourself?' Ray asks
'Yeah, uh, I sort of didn't really see too many people, so it made
sense that I live by myself.'
'Ever get lonely?'
'Yeah, it does.'

Ray asks me about my girl. I say I don't have one. Not even a chance
of one. Ray laughs, says he doesn't believe there isn't some girl
waiting for me to call.
'No, I don't meet so many people. My life's a bit of a joke, I guess',
I say.
'No-one at all?', Ray asks.
This is when I show him the photos of the girl I found on the train.
Not the girl, the photos. And in the photos she is standing in the sun,
smiling. Lying on a bed, wearing hiking clothes. I don't know this
girl. She is looking over the ocean from a straw table. Standing by an
airport departure gate. She's always looking just away from the camera,
just off at something. There's a guy in them too, and he's sick, his
eyes look deep. And there's a photo of the two of them in a hospital,
her by his side, him eyes half closed in a bed. She's like his angel.
She's beautiful. Staring off out of the frame.
'I found these just left on the train one day' I say to Ray. I say
'There is this girl', point to the photos in his hand.
'She's very pretty', Ray says.
'I don't know her', I tell him.
'Maybe she's waiting for you', Ray says.

It's two weeks later when I see Kellie Ray again, shimmering across the
street lights. She says look at me and twirls in front of me.
'All healed up', She says. Kellie Ray takes me to the casino. She says
that the casino is best for those of us who don't sleep because it
could be any time of day inside and you'd never know. The same blank
faces stabbing at the plastic buttons, the flashing dollar signs on the
warm computer screen under their noses. Kellie Ray walks me along the
gaming tables, holds my arm as we go. She waves across the air in front
of the gigantic TV screens. Walks me into the bright city night, steers
me away from the drunks who point at her. And I catch a glimpse of
Kellie Ray as we wait for the lights to change, just a moment, when
she's not looking. Smiling as she looks up at the buildings around us,
listens to the echoes of the city. And in that she is is
beautiful.

Kellie Ray walks with me along the quiet streets to my apartment. Cars
whisper along the sleeping houses in the distance. Trees drop leaves
around us.
'Does it bother you when people...' I trail off into the breeze.
Kellie Ray flicks the hair from her face to show her smile in the
street light.
'My life is my life, no-one else's' She says to me.

She says, you should smile more, and touches my cheek, waits for me to
talk, but I don't.

'You said to me that your life is a joke.' I nod to her, smile. 'So
laugh'. Kellie Ray says, and she walks into the street again, the
leaves falling by her like paper snowflakes.

'That pretty girl...' Kellie Ray keeps moving, walks backwards to talk
across the wind, 'the pretty girl in the photos, maybe you should go
find her.' Blows me a kiss.

That's what Kellie Ray does.