Memoir Of Tears

I have a secret and it’s not the type of secret that I would consider good it is more of a less well mannered secret one that no one should have to bear or keep. You see I have a problem with my heart and six days before my seventeenth birthday I was told I was going to die before the end of my high school year the disease is in curable to a degree but it can be treated it is possible that I may survive but not without some difficulties. They say humans are greedy for wanting to prolong life but to me is that such a bad thing I want to be able to experience life but at the moment that very thing is out of my specific reach. I am not stupid I am actually very, very smart but I just choose not to apply myself.
To whomever may be reading this everything here may seem quite trivial to you but to me it is life as I know it. I was always told not to cry because tears only show weakness but is not having a weakness, weakness in itself. I often wonder how it feels to actually have parents that attend student parent meeting and actually care where you are at all times. I wonder how it feels to have your parents hand you a bouquet when you win an award but I may never know because at this point in my life this has not been done once. The only person I see on a daily basis that knows about what is going on is my friend Xandra she is so cool about everything too well as cool as you can be when it comes to something like this.
My senior year my last year starts tomorrow and if I don’t make it through the year I’m not so sure I will regret it I guess the fact is that I lived period that counts not that I did anything really great it is the fact that I am here and that maybe one small thing like a poem or a story can change someones entire aspect of life and give them a chance to livbe on even if they don't want to because i may not have the choice.
So i go to school on time per usual but today seemed different the sky was so blue so bright so perfect i don't know it just seemed like a great day. I met up with Xandra per usual we talked like normal nothing seemed normal though it was like it was all a dream and you know what it was because my alarm clock went off and it was 5:45 in the morning still dark so i dragged myself out of bed and proceeded to take a good hot shower.
After I got out of the shower I pulled a pair of light denim jeans out of my drawer and pulled them over my hips, next I went to the closet in search of a decent shirt to wear I found a lonsleeve grey t and a dark blue paramore riot t I decided to layer them so I put the longsleeve on first followed by the short sleeve. I pulled on my beat up silver chucks and called it good. I went downstair to the kitchen grabbed a poptart and my keys and raced out the door.
I got to school parked in my usual spot and waited for Xan to show up with Starbucks. She arrived about ten minutes later with a java chip frappuchino and a vanilla bean frapuchino which one was mine the java chip of course.
“Hey babe” I said as we got out of our cars. She handed me my frapuchino and I grabbed my bag.
“Yo so you ready for our final year of highschool?” she asked
The thing o love most about this girl is the fact that she treats me like a normal person not like something that is going to break or something that has a disease.
“As ready as I’ll ever be I suppose.” I said
“YAY” she screamed
“I knew I shouldn’t have let you get coffee this morning” I siad with a laugh
“Oh come on you love hyper Xan” she said with a laugh
“True true I do now LETS GO ROCK 12TH GRADE” I screamed at the top oif my lungs
Now me and Xan are strange yes we love to be loud and we also love to have fun we don’t care what anyone says and that is just the way we like it. My other four best friends are Lanek, Skye, Dyllan, and Nina. Nina I hooked up with her in 9th grade we have been best friends since then, Skye and me had Ap chemistry together two years ago and we became friends automatically, Lanek and Dyllan I have knonw them for about as long as I have known Xan atleast six years or so.