Letters From Hell

Dear Neil, It has been a long time since my last letter, six months, I think. I know, I promised to write weekly, but I am trusting you will understand the reasons for my delay, once I explain them to you.

First I would like to tell you how sorry I am for not keeping my promise. I can only imagined how my actions, or the lack of them, might have hurt you. I am really sorry, it was never my intention to inflict such pain on you.

Now, I can only hope that you have not forgotten me and our relationship could still be saved. This apology might seem to you as too little too late and you might be right. However, please consider that above all, it is genuine.

I was going to leave the following comments for the end, after I have explained the reasons for my delay. Though, as usual, I am going to follow my gut instinct and tell you right now how I really feel.

I wanted to tell you this face to face, unfortunately that is an impossibility for me at the moment. Please dear Neil, read these sentences with care, my heart is hurting and I feel so expose and vulnerable. I know I have no right to ask for considerations, but I am pledging to your good nature for understanding, even if in your eyes, I do not deserve it.

The truth is that I still love you. Against my own expectations, my love for you has grown stronger.  Yes, believe it or not, I love you more than ever.

You might be wondering how could I say something like that when I have not even bother in asking you how are things going on for you and how are you feeling, which are customary components at the beginning of a letter.

But I do, I do know how you are doing and how you are feeling, at least based on your outward display of emotions.

Yes, I have been back home a few times and have chosen not to tell you. I have seen you going around town, getting on with your life. I was not stoking you, I just followed you in a few occasions.

You have no idea how hard it was for me not been able to approach you and talk to you, a harsh punishment, which I deserve.

Things have begun to get better, so I am finally writing to you. I hope you are still reading on and have not thrown this letter in the trash.

The reasons for which I stopped writing to you are many and complex. I have been overseas, as I told you. That bit of my story was true, but it is also true that I have been back three times, during last six months. My visits have been briefs though, a week or so.

On those occasions, I have not found the courage to tell you the truth and cowardly have postponed it. The fear of losing you was stronger than my common sense. Now, I can see the foolishness of my actions. The longer I waited, the worse things became for me and the stronger, the probabilities to lose you forever, grew.

Now, I can only wish for a miracle …

He is coming now! I can hear his steps on the stairs. I can’t write any more. I will send this half letter to you, but know that I love you and will find a way to get back to you, even if it is just to receive your rejection.