(satire) Bob the Builder

By alphadog1

Sat, 14 Sep 2013
  • 343 reads
 

Bob the Builder.

(intro music) 

bob
(on his mobile)
yes...I understand...yes, but I don't know if we can help you right now. Hold on I'll talk to Wendy.
(puts his mobile down)
Wendy, its Pat on the Phone. 



Wendy 
Pat? we don't know anyone... hold on, do you mean Postman Pat? 


Bob 
He's not a postman any more... that's three people who have called this week... Fireman Sam lost his Job last week, then there was PC Plod now Postman Pat all ringing up for work. 


Wendy 
Well I don't see how we can help him. Remember old Windy, he's been on the streets for over 40 years, ever since his mill was turned into offices for Mr. Sharks stocks and shares shop. 


Bob 
(back on phone)
Sorry Pat, we are a bit short at the moment ourselves.
(puts phone away) 
Its terrible. But I did receive a call from Dave, he has promised me a new build, especially after the big job we made in London last year. But that contract won't be available until 2020. 


Wendy 
Oh look here comes farmer Pickles.


Bob 
hello farmer Pickles how are you. 


Farmer Pickles 
Well, I'm a bit pissed off. 


Bob. 
You can't say that on a Children's show. 


Farmer Pickles 
You haven't heard yet then? 

Wendy 
Heard what? 

Farmer Pickles 
We are all on DAVE now. Its four in the morning. 


Bob 
I've just had Pat on the phone he is looking for a job. 


Farmer Pickles 
He's not the only one. We are all getting the chop. Its Mr. Shark. He owns everything and he's bringing in outside contractors. 


Wendy 
You don't mean? 


Farmer Pickles 
I do... Hello Kitty. Goodbye TV towns hello a stupid white cat that no one understands! 


Bob 
But we have to stop this!


Farmer Pickles 
Well I know some people in Trumpton and Camerberwick Green. we might be able to start a protest, But I also heard through PC Plod that a company called G4s is taking over the police force... I just don't think we have enough people. 


Mr Shark
Oh hello everybody. 


Bob 
Look Mr. shark you can't go around buying everything and making people redundant, and taking their homes and jobs away Its not right. 


Mr. Shark
Who cares about being right. Its good business practice and makes good economic sense. 


Bob 
For who? 

Mr. Shark
For me of course. Now go on bugger off! this is my land I own everything, and I'm selling it off to DAVE at a really good price. 


(Henry the Helicopter lands and Mr. Shark gets in.) 


Bob 
We have to do something. 


Farmer Pickles 
I have a couple of grenade launchers in Travis. 


Bob 
But killing people is wrong. 


Wendy 
Fuck it! Blow the bastard up before he gets away! 


(Henry takes off he is high in the sky but suddenly Henry starts to shake, Henry's doors open and Mr. Shark falls from a great height and hits the ground) 


splat


Bob 
Oh no is Mr Shark alright? 


Wendy 
who cares that soulless bastard! he was going to take everything you have built away and make a white cat take your place. I just don't get Men! 


(Henry lands) 

Wendy 
Well done Henry! for a minute there you were going to be blown to bits. Now Windy can have his mill back Postman pat and Fireman Sam and PC Plod can all have their jobs back and the world is right again.


Henry 
well that's not entirely true. Mr Shark is only a small cog in this huge wheel and though we might have stopped one nasty man, there are more out there. So I have come to take you all to a better place. 


Bob 
where? 


Henry
To Sodor. 


V/O (voice of Richard Starky) 
and so Bob, Pat, Sam and all the children's character's moved to Sodor, where they could be protected from the vile practices of Mr. Sharks men, and under the protection of the Fat Controller. Ahh here comes the Fat controller now. 


(The Fat controller winks, and peels off his face to reveal the scarred face of Mr. Shark) 
 

V/O
Oh no! we have to stop him, we have to stop him!
(gunshot)
ugh! 

(Music for Thomas the Tank engine end credits start.)
Certificate 18
Story