(satire) Postman pat

Postman Pat
(intro music) 

Pat
Morning jess 

Jess 
miaow 

Pat
Well I have to go on my round today, lots to do and people to meet. Oh look here comes Mrs Grogggins. Hello Mrs Groggins 

Mrs Groggins 
Hello Pat. (short pause) there is some bad news I have to tell you I am afraid. 

Pat
what is that? 

Mrs Groggins 
Well (long pause) Mr Park has bought out the special delivery service and- 

Pat
-I don't understand. 

Mrs Groggins 
I'm afraid your made redundant Pat. 

Pat
But, how am I going to deliver the mail? what about Jess? where am I going to live? 

Mrs Groggins 
I don't know Pat. What are you good at? 

Pat
Well... I don't know, I was good at delivering mail. 

Mrs Groggins
Well, that's not true is it Pat, after all, you never turned up on time and the delivery was always broken. 

Pat
That was not my fault, it was Mr Park. He always made me late, by making me fill in more forms and making me work longer hours forcing me to take a pay cut and-

Mrs Groggins
-Yes Pat. We know all about Mr, Park. he has been a very naughty boy. In many ways he has done this and added the special delivery service to stop you from working. 

Pat
I don't understand. 

Mrs Groggins 
Well Mr.Shark wanted to buy the mail service, so he added more delivery's made up the special delivery service, forced you to take a pay cut and broke things so he could buy the Postal service from the Government and make himself very rich. 

Pat 
Why would he do that Mrs Groggins. 

Mrs. Groggins
Well Pat, its like this, Mr. Shark is a greedy bastard. 

Pat
Mrs Groggins! Really! language like that! This is a children TV show! 

Mrs Groggins 
Not any more Pat. Its been bought by DAVE. You'll be doing re-runs on late night TV for the next twenty years. 

Pat
but what about now? 

Mrs Groggins 
I'm afraid you'll have to face the facts Pat and buy yourself a white van, sell Jess and rob banks to make ends meet. 

Pat. 
Bollocks 
 

(music) 
end credits