Old Mickey Fillet

I like to think that I am good at my job and work hard for a living
stuffing dead insects and mounting them in rather beautiful show cases.
I live on my own in the smallest town in England and am usually up to
no good, tell lies and cause all sorts of trouble, yes, I'm a bit of a
joker really, a fun sort of a guy! If you know of any rare or brightly
coloured insects that you could tell me about I would be very grateful,
I am always on the look out for some thing out of the ordinary.

In my shed I make friends out wood and talk to them and feed them on
orange peel and currant biscuits, I can rely on them to keep a secret,
they never let me down or do nasty things behind my back. My friends
and I go out for a meal together some times, we usually go to my
favourite pub, it's old fashioned and very cosy, we're always given a
table in a very dimly lit room (we take a torch with us so we can see
what we are eating) in one of the out houses, there are never any other
customers in the room with us, aren't we lucky.

Recently I have been considering taking on an assistant to help me with
some new projects that I am about to start, the applicant must be keen
and not be frightened of getting a bit mucky (recycled overalls will be
provided), I can't give any more than that away at the moment or it
would spoil the element of surprise.

On a Tuesday I wear a pale lemon frock and purple sling back sandals, I
have lots of different hair clips and pretty bows to wear, I feel that
I am a lucky person and wouldn't change a single thing, only that I
would love a new pink apron that I could keep for special occasions. My
best friend's name is Shirley and he rides a huge motor bike, some
times he lets me on the back and tells me to hold on very tight as we
race up and down the High Street at 30 mph, it's such a thrilling
experience. Shirley and I go shopping for dresses together, we usually
end up arguing though, he always wants to get the same one as me but
more often than not I get my own way, I know just how to get round him,
Shirley tends to give in a bit too easily these days.

I used to have a very intelligent and pleasant girl friend, we lived
together for a few years but I was consistently nasty to her, if I
wasn't ignoring, picking on or having a go at her I was usually being
most inconsiderate and vile mannered. Eventually it all came to a head
and she had me moved into the loft, she persuaded me that this was the
best thing for all concerned and that the roof area was by far the most
comfortable part to inhabit. Shortly after I'd settled in she had a
dangerously narrow metal stair case built onto the out side of the
building, it was strategically placed at a spot where gale force winds
were a regular feature, was only two feet wide and had no support
railings to hold on to, I thought at the time (and still do) what a
very kind gesture this was on her part. I have only ever had two
accidents on it to date, the first one I fell straight down on to the
paving slabs directly underneath (quite lucky really) and the other
involved my hair getting caught on one of the steps as I tripped and
rolled down, I was suspended there for four and a half hours until
Shirley called round for his Friday evening manicure. The whole set up
is very convenient for her as she never has to see my face again, just
put up with the constant dull pacing noise that I make up on the floor
boards above her during the night. I listen to her shrieking and
giggling down stairs with her friends, they know I am 'not quite right'
and so, take full advantage of the situation, I am so lucky to have
such wonderful people around me!