Beaver, 'twas left to

The Beave Strikes Again by J.B. Pravda

In what historians would charitably describe as a 'disaster' seemed
like a perfect promotional scheme to the young adventurer Raleigh; in
need of persons to make the newly chartered colony a viable mercantile
venture, he designed to lure others there with a simple though, he
believed, irresistible incentive, since known to history as the
"Beaverton Plot": he would, through his agents in Liverpool and London
spread the rumor that Carolina was filled with attractive young witches
ripe for burning, not to mention all the wild beaver they could
trap----no self-righteous Puritan could pass up such a chance to feel
superior to and otherwise oppress a group of women in the name of 'you
know who', particularly ones who, more than likely would attempt and,
sadly, succeed, to seduce the virile young colonists; in no time,
boatloads were headed for the New World colony. Unbeknownst to the
Puritan men, Raleigh had conspired with the witches----and there were
only two----in a diabolical plan: they would seduce the men, according
to the advertised 'come-on', then turn them into beavers whose pelts
were sent back to England, making Raleigh a very rich if exhausted man,
he having to service the two constantly to avoid being himself
transformed. As with most avaricious schemes, it was only a matter of
time before the too-clever adventurer expired of HIS indentured
servitude, giving us the time-honored expression, uttered by one of his
consorts over his lifeless corpse: "Leave it to beaver."