Full banana scholarship

Full Banana Scholarship by J.B. Pravda

Coach Van DerHoof, recently summoned from retirement, had rejoined the
ranks of mostly undistinguished football coaches extant, at the
advanced age of 79; in no mood for tomfoolery, he insisted on plenary
recruitment prerogatives, which had been granted; as a result, when
pilloried by the perfunctorily appointed academic advisor to the squad
over the suiting up of a fully-grown 'silverback' gorilla as fullback,
he remonstrated effusively to the effect that no truer donner of the
uniform of the Silver &; Black had ever taken the field.