Funny ting happened

Funny Ting Happened by J.B. Pravda

Julie Caesar had been, whaddya call, summoned to da Games at the Feast
of Lupercal so as to be offered da crown, 'capo di tutti capo', which,
once bestowed, spelled the end of Rome as an open town; a group wit
rival interests ain't goin for dis,so a plan was hatched: they would
inveigle the noble Bruno, he of the chain of Toga boutiques and
composte disposal dump, to go in with them in preventin this crowning;
and, so, it came to pass that these men of respect approached Caesar in
the Rotunda, Caesar having decided to answer the call despite his
wife's misgivings that his Toga lacked the usual Kevlar? lining,
whereupon Bruno, while Caesar was distracted by the ass-kissin of the
others, adjusted the lining of the garment so that, whenever Caesar
lifted his right arm, his toga threatened to fall to the ground and
expose great Caesar's greatness around the waist, if you follow my
drift; and, so, offered the crown, Julie C.----as the now intimate
Bruno came to call him-----had no choice, it was a classic (literally)
case of clothes makin the man, and they all went into business
together, big string of pizza delivery joints (and exclusive concession
rights at the Coliseum), lotta respect from the people, resultin in
aversion of the alleged Fall of the Roman Empire which only changed its
name to the Cosa Nostra and proceeded to conquer the rest of the world.
Postscript: All this is not to excuse some of the really nasty things
that still happened, like Christians being eaten by lions, etc., but,
since a big chunk of the gate went to their booking agent name a Judas,
nobody 'got hurt', cabish?[Source: 'Mob Hits, Vol. 2: The Companion
Reeder, from the Gotti Rare (as in, try an fine one in his house) Books
Collection, donated by da Descendants a Bruno da Roman]