Self Portrait with Giant Squid

INT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY - WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME OF
DAY IT IS, WE'RE INSIDE, AND HAVE BEEN FOR SOME GOOD MANY
HOURS, OK?

A conservatively dressed middle-aged man is perusing an
abstract art exhibit in New York; he is a journalist for a
suburban Long Island weekly doing a Lifestyle piece for the
general public; it is a much balyhooed one man show for an
artist of the deconstructionist post-modern proto-Dadaist
movement......

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(seeking the attention of
the uniformed guard)
Excuse me, could you tell me the
name of the artist?

GUARD
Sorry, sir, doesn't reveal that
information to the public.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Seems rather silly, don't you
think, since a self-portrait is
hanging right here for all the
world to see.
(he presses the guard who
isn't used to this sort
of thing)

GUARD
Well, yes, sir, true enough, but
don't think there's any risk being
recognized on the street, now do
you?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Suppose you're right at that, with
his head missing behind, or is it
under....no, inside, that blobby
thing there
(he points, somewhat
unsure of what he is
indicating)
Isn't that where his head would go?

GUARD
Not sure it's a he, sir, see what I
mean, anonymous, that sort of
thing.
(looks at his watch
nervously)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
The blob, you mean? Oh, oh, see
what you mean; well, thanks very
much, all the same.

GUARD
Happy to help, sir. If it would be
of interest, there is a guided tour
starting in a few minutes, last one
of the day, I believe.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Think I'll give it a try, confused
really, titles don't really help,
do they?
(he is contorting his body
to gain a better
perspective on the
abstractions)

CUT TO FEW
MOMENTS LATER:

INT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY LOBBY- ONE HOUR FROM CLOSING

TOUR GUIDE
Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll
just follow me then, we will
commence our journey through the
exhibit.
(she extends her hand into
the corridor)
Now, this piece is on loan from the
Smathersley in Boston, a rare treat
indeed, as it has never been seen
in this part of the world; now
then........

LIONEL WADSWORTH
I have a question-----how can we be
sure these items are by the artist
when we don't know the artist's
name?

TOUR GUIDE
I'm sorry sir, but, due to the
limited time for the tour we cannot
take questions;
now, you'll notice the minimalist
brush strokes in white, covering
the canvass....this is a technique
innovated by the artist after long
experimentation in black with the
same sort of technique; the name,
"Nada", is, of course, the Spanish
word for nothing.
(they move along)
Now, this next item has quite a
history: due to its name, "What the
Hell are you looking at!", it has
caused a controversy over whether
the artist ever actually intended
to have it shown publicly; since
the movement founded by our artist
does not believe in meaning, per
se, no help has been forthcoming,
however, this does not 'mean'
(nervous tittering)
that the artist approves of this
showing, inasmuch as the movement
does not subscribe to action,
either pro or con.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Um, you said no questions: have a
comment------who does this guy
think he is!

TOUR GUIDE
Actually, sir, that is a
question....

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Well, yeah, but it's rhetorical; I
think I may want a refund.

TOUR GUIDE
Sir, the exhibit is free of charge,
now I really must......

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, now, somebody was happy to
take my money......
(he is cut off)

TOUR GUIDE
I'm sure they must have viewed it
as a contribution.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Who benefits from the
contributions?

TOUR GUIDE
That's a question......now, will
you all follow me....
(she is cut off)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, THAT's a question!

TOUR GUIDE
How very alert of you, sir!
(she motions for the guard
to come over)

GUARD
Any problems, ma'm?
(he looks in the direction
of Lionel W.)

TOUR GUIDE
This gentleman may be interested in
one of the brochures, to save us
precious time. Mr. O'Malley, would
you kindly show him to them?
(she and the group move
on)

GUARD
Now, sir, why don't you come with
me.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
I'll have you know, I paid good
money to see this exhibit.....
(officer takes his arm)

GUARD
Must have been a contribution,
something we're always grateful
for, entitles you to free
brochures.....
(he is interrupted)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Whaddya mean 'free brochures',
aren't they....and another thing, I
didn't want to make a contribution!

GUARD
Then I'm afraid there'll be a
handling charge for any refund,
paperwork, that sort of thing.

Lionel is dumbfounded beyond his prior state of mind, and
therefore speechless.

GUARD (cont'd)
(unfased)
Now, then, let's get you a booklet
and see if your questions can't be
answered that way, be a good sport.
(they walk to the
admission booth)
There, should get you up to speed;
got one hour to closing time.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(thumbing through
brochure)
Hold on; there's nothing in here
but 'expletives deleted', and
pictures of the paintings with
names, some deleted.....

GUARD
That's right sir, artist doesn't
approve of brochures, you see, so
we had to wing it.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait a minute, she must have known
that, just did that to shut me
up.....

GUARD
Technically correct, sir, seeing as
how the artist doesn't like
questions, won't permit them during
one of his or her exhibits.
The curator had to promise to
respect that, otherwise there would
have been even greater objection to
the exhibit, not by the artist,
though, um told, see, doesn't
believe in......

LIONEL WADSWORTH
......objections, right? Who the
Hell is this guy?

GUARD
Could be a 'she', sir.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Whatever the artist is, got some
nerve.

GUARD
Can't really say, sir, all we know
is due to the Movement's beliefs,
any type of 'action' is outlawed;
no one here has even spoken to
him.....I mean, the artist.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
So it may be a man, after all; oh,
and by the way, isn't looking at
the 'art' action?

GUARD
Slip of the tongue,sir's all;
really, no one has ever seen the
person who created this exhibit;
and, uh, on that other point, not
supposed to say, but, looking has
been specifically exempted by the
Movement.
(he looks around to see if
he has been overheard)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
What do you mean, 'looking' is not
approved by them, him, whoever?

GUARD
The kind of 'looking' that leads to
questions, such as: 'What the hell
is this; I don't understand this,
can someone offer some insight into
the symbolic significance of....',
that sort of situation; although----
and you should find this in the
brochure----passive looking is
quite alright. Ties in with the
whole anti-meaning theme, you see.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Then how the Hell did he....she,
it do something called a Self
Portrait? And would you please
stop directing me to the bloody
brochure.....you just got through
telling me you had to wing it!

GUARD
Oh, I should think that item was
done in a very passive sort of way,
no real action to it, according to
the brochure, that is.
And, uh, don't forget the Squid,
sir, in the picture as well.
Brochure's not really my
department, now is it, just trying
to be helpful.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
The what.....oh, yeah, the Giant
Squid.....now you're going to tell
me that since no one has actually
seen such a creature that it agrees
nicely, thematically speaking of
course, with the manufactured
mystery attitude?

GUARD
Hadn't really thought of it that
way, but, yes, you could say it's
kind of a symbol for the artist,
and the Movement itself, I suppose,
you know, no one has ever seen a
Giant Squid in its habitat, that
sort of thing, although, um told,
the artist does live near the
water, quite mysterious, as to your
last point, know what I mean?
(he is pulling Lionel's
leg, but Lionel doesn't
seem to feel it in his
pique)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
I suppose the next thing you're
gonna say is that its because its
too deep, right?

GUARD
What's too deep?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
The ocean!
(he catches himself
shouting, covers his
mouth apologetically)

GUARD
Oh, thought you were referring to
the subject, thematically speaking,
that is and, I'll thank you not to
raise your voice, the children.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
They let children in here?

GUARD
Age discrimination, big lawsuit,
got settled last week, glad of
that, I'll tell you, woulda kept
away all those snooty lawyers,
especially the women ones, big fans
of the artist, they.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait a minute, you mean to tell me
that some jerk actually wanted his
kid to see this stuff? Probably
one of those elitist lawyers,
right? Perfect suckers for this
crap, aren't they, hell argue both
sides of anything for a price----
say, maybe the artist is a lawyer?!

GUARD
Gettin outta my depth here, I'll go
get the Assistant Curator for you;
in the meantime, why don't you look
over the brochure more thoroughly,
just be a moment.
(he leaves)

CUT TO FEW
MOMENTS LATER:

Lionel W. has been sitting on a viewing bench leafing through
the brochure more thoroughly, now more upset than ever.

ASSISTANT CURATOR
I'm Jane Hathaway, how may I help
you.
(the Guard is nearby,
observing)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
I just don't understand what's
going on here; pay money which I
thought was required, then find out
that it's free, and that you got
sued to let kids see this crazy
stuff.....
(cut off)

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Now, sir, this exhibit is the first
of its kind in this country, with
such a variety of work from a whole
school of art theory, about which
we are only just learning the
philosophy behind......
(she is interrupted)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
If its never been seen before, how
do you know its any good?!
(he is more frustrated)

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Oh, sir, with no disrespect, that
is so naive, possibly even peurile,
at least in the Middle French
derivative sense of.....
(cut off)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
What....sorry, did you just
question my virility?

ASSISTANT CURATOR
I'm afraid you misunderstand: this
is the very response new art has
always evoked and, then, once it is
mainstreamed, all its originality
is lost. WE do our very best to
prepare the public with brochures,
guided docent tours.....
(cut off again)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Brochures, tours.......lady, do you
know that no questions are allowed
about the things NOT in your
brochure, which is everything, I
might add.

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Minimalism, sir, questions get in
the way of the isomorphic dialogue
between the artist and you, this is
a tenet of the Movement, one which
we subscribe to wholeheartedly.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Oh, you mean the expletives I have
been mercifully deprived of in your
brochure for the blind.

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Sir, some of our most appreciative
patrons are the unsighted.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Finally, something we might agree
on! So, let me get this straight;
you've never seen, talked to, nor
has any of your peers anywhere, for
that matter, and you are defending
this guy?

ASSISTANT CURATOR
My guess is the artist is certainly
a woman, the signs are ubiquitous,
really.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
As in everywhere, I take it; ok,
answer me this---------how do you
know that some jerk like me didn't
'create' all this as a hoax?

ASSISTANT CURATOR
(laughing haughtily)
Droll, sir, very droll; no, this
wasn't just thrown together by just
anyone, no. Truthfully, it is
virutally obvious, but, of course,
I do have a Ph.D. in Art History,
Eastern &; Western traditions. No,
it is her nuancing of the leitmotif
of the vanished maternalism of
prehistory, the virtual banishment
of Woman from the vanguard of
creative Voice....until now!
(she has grown impassioned
as she is a member of
NOW)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
They told me this artist's Movement
doesn't allow meaning!

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Ah, it is there that we find the
source of your ultimate confusion:
that prohibition applies only to
the meaning of 'meaning'.

GUARD
Beggin your pardon, Ms. Hathaway,
closing time.

ASSISTANT CURATOR
There, you see, we must part, such
a pity;
however, I will, since you have
been so persistent in your desire
to learn, let you in on a secret:
the actual auteur herself may be
making an unscheduled appearance
here tomorrow, Saturday!

GUARD
But you can't ask questions....
(cut off)

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Now, Mr. O'Malley, I'm sure our
guest will behave himself if he
chooses.....
(she is cut off)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Oh, wouldn't miss it; when is
he....she supposed to be here?

ASSISTANT CURATOR
(smiling at Guard, who
smiles back)
Ta, ta, no questions, remember?
The fact is no one knows; the
Movement doesn't believe in 'time',
as we know it artifactually
speaking, of course.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
So, tomorrow could mean the day
after, right?

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Afraid those 'units of
incarceration of Life', as she has
so well put it, are verbotten;
We'll all just have to wait and
see, find it rather refreshing
really, the absence of all the
trappings of modernity and its
angst, see what I mean?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Uh, uh, watch out for 'meaning.'
See you.....whenever the artist
decides to show up.

ASSISTANT CURATOR
No decidability, either, sir;
spontaneity as in prehistoric
times, so exciting, so 'primal.'

FADE OUT.

INT. NEARBY BAR - EVENING

Our reporter has a seething headache; he has sought what he
thought was an old-fashioned refuge......

BARKEEP
Whad'll ya have, pal?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Double Glenfiddich, rocks, soda
back, please!

BARKEEP
Tough day?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hard to classify it,really, feel
like my brain has been microwaved,
then blowdried.

BARKEEP
Funny you should say that, that
happens to be the name of my
favorite painting up the street---
been to see it?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
You're joking, right?
(he gulps his drink)

BARKEEP
No, it's a fact: I think I liked
the way the artist vacates the
picture plane, abolishing the
primitive notions of dimensionality
in favor of a vacuum of
possibilities, all the non-effects
imploding in a confluence of non
representational purity of soul,
divine madness, that sort of
implicate disorder within order,
vice versa.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(turning around on his
stool, seeking another
place to sit)
So you actually understand that
stuff?

BARKEEP
Understanding is a rationalistic
pursuit, dead, really, look where
'thinking' has gotten the world,
man; no, the superrationality of
the soul is where it's at.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
You're not attributing the valid
theories of Jung, et. Al. to that
stuff, are you?
(he suddenly has a
revelation, hits his
forehead)
Haaaaa! Great, really, good for
business, I get it-----I'll have
another.

Just then a group of women enters the bar, crowding around
Lionel, basically ignoring him......

BARKEEP
Ladies, what will it be?

FIRST WOMAN
Oh, I feel like celebrating, what
about you all------champagne
cocktails, all around!

BARKEEP
Saw the exhibit, eh?

FIRST WOMAN
Amazing! What viscerality, what
effortless deconstruction of
bourgeois....
(seems breathless)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Pardon me, I may need some help
with the exhibit......
(he is cut off)

SECOND WOMAN
Why, that's it: 'man needs help',
couldn't have put it better!
(laughing along with her
girlfriends)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Are one of you the artist?
(he smiles knowingly)

THIRD WOMAN
Who wants to know?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
You see, I'm a reporter, doing a
bit on the show for the 'Great
Unwashed', and they won't allow
pictures, kinda stuck.

FOURTH WOMAN
Perhaps I can help.......Alana
James, but my friends call me
'Anima'.....I can speak for the
Movement, I feel.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(he is shaken)
The Jungian term?
Interesting.....I was lead to
believe that she never makes
appearances, or even talks about
her work.

ANIMA
Where did you get that idea?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Folks at the show, really everyone,
the security guard, Assistant
Curator.....
(he is cut off)

ANIMA
That, my poor friend, is a standard
technique used by new, mysterious
artists....plant actors in the
Museum, knowing they will get
questions of all kinds: the key is
to be elusive if you want to be
famous, the actors just hype it
through the media types who fall
for it every time! Where are you
from?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Actually, I work for a weekly on
the Island; but I have done
freelance for the Daily News.

ANIMA
The last show this artist did, in
LA, he/she, no one really knows,
dressed as a Guard, had the place
filled for two weeks.

FIRST WOMAN
Girls, we got to go, don't want to
be late!

BARKEEP
It's on the house, ladies!
(they all throw him
kisses, touching his
hand, handing him phone
numbers---they leave
noisily)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, what's your secret?

BARKEEP
No secret, really-----they're the
local hookers.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
So well-dressed, groomed, amazing.

BARKEEP
They work the artsy crowd, all into
acting and costume; mostly, they do
modeling work for avante garde
artists around here.....easy money
they say, no sex.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Boy, do I feel like a rube; have
another.

BARKEEP
Don't sweat it----hell, for all we
know, one of them might have been
the artist!

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Where do you suppose they were off
to?

BARKEEP
I heard the artist was holding an
impromptu reception, don't know
where though.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(excitedly)
When!? Oh, wait, he/she/it doesn't
subscribe to time units, right?

BARKEEP
Where'd you get that; na, it's at 7
sharp, I heard, over at the Museum.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
That's in fifteen minutes, wow,
what a break, thought I might have
to come back tomorrow, sometime.

BARKEEP
Museum's closed tomorrow,
renovations, after this show closes
today, man.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(he finishes his drink in
a hurry)
What's the damage?
(pulls out some cash)

BARKEEP
Free to members of the press,
compliments of the Curator's
office, said we should send over
all you guys.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(under his breath)
I really have to get out more
often.......

FADE TO:

EXT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY - LATER

Lionel is looking through the glass entryway, appears to be
locked.....some of the girls from the bar are walking by
quickly.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Scuse me ladies, where's the
reception, you know, for the
exhibit artist?

FIRST WOMAN
Oh, it's not here, it's somewhere
else.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Are you going, can you tell me
where?

SECOND WOMAN
That's the whole thing about the
art world, never know!
(laughing with other
woman)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
So the bartender was wrong?

FIRST WOMAN
Oh, him, he's new, never seen him
before and we hang there often;
we're trying to find the reception,
not at eight anymore
either....wanna come?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Sha.....sha...sure thing!
(he hops into a cab with
the two women)
Where's 'Anima'?
(grinning broadly)

SECOND WOMAN
Who? Oh, her, don't know that
well, never really hung out with
her before, why?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Oh, nothing really, just had a
hunch she might have been the
artist.

SECOND WOMAN
Really think so, wow; this could be
large for our modeling careers.

FIRST WOMAN
Hey, I know a guy who used to live
with her, wanna ask him?
(to cab driver)
Driver, turn around and take us to
Tribeca, I'll guide ya, don't
worry.

INDIAN CABBIE
Will take us wery, wery lung time;
you sure?

SECOND WOMAN
He's right, pull over; we'll jump
on the subway, let's do it!
(they exit the cab)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, wait for me!
(to the cabbie)
How much? Never mind, here.
(hands him a ten, exits)

SECOND WOMAN
Come on, train's pullin in; hurry!

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(he spys a poster
prominently displaying
the exhibition he just
attended)
Let's get the next one, hell it's
an express line.
(walks over to the poster)
Wouldn't ya know it, the part with
the artist's name is torn off!

SECOND WOMAN
Oh, that's their trademark;
remember what Anima said-----a
gimmick to make people curious,
like you!

FIRST WOMAN
Hey, look, some kid's sellin
posters, maybe he knows....
(she walks over to him)
Are these from the show?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Where did you get these?
(he has asked the punked
out kid)
Are these from the one person show
at the Met?
(the kid doesn't respond)

FIRST WOMAN
I think he's one of them....

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Who, the Movement? I thought they
didn't believe in action of any
kind, just passive observation.

SECOND WOMAN
Well, maybe that's what he's doin
now, not responding and all;
(to the kid)
Hey, kid, you a follower of the
artist?

The express number two pulls in to lower Manhattan.

FIRST WOMAN
Hey, train's here, let's go!
(she pulls Lionel's coat)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
In a second; here, ten bucks for
one of these posters.....
(he is handed one rolled
up, kid says nothing)

CUT TO FEW
MOMENTS LATER:

INT. NEW YORK SUBWAY TRAIN - MOMENTS LATER

They have just made it onto an almost empty train; it is 8
pm; Lionel notices the kid pull out a cell phone, talk into
it as they pull away.....

LIONEL WADSWORTH
You see that, kid was talking.....

SECOND WOMAN
What, to who?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
On a cell phone, don't know;
thought they were so passive?

FIRST WOMAN
Hey, we're not experts, ok, just
hang in the art scene for the
bucks.

SECOND WOMAN
Sides, we're not so sure there is a
Movement, you know, probably just a
rumor to hype the shows.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(opening the poster)
Wait a minute, this thing is blank!

SECOND WOMAN
Turn it over, goofy!
(she flips it)
Whoa, still blank, weird, man!

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Painfully weird, spent ten bucks on
this......all the others on display
had images of the show's paintings,
sure of it.

SECOND WOMAN
It's a statement, you know-----'you
think you can hold us in your hand,
but you can't, it's not that
simple, you must hold us in your
mind's eye'.......haaaaaaa!
(she has amused herself
only)

FIRST WOMAN
Hey, you're creepin me out, here,
freaky, really, ok?

SECOND WOMAN
Here's our stop.
(they exit only to find
Anima standing there)

ANIMA
Hey, great timing, going to the
Reception, wanna come?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hi, remember me? Where and when is
it?

ANIMA
Gee, don't know, supposed to be
invitation only, you know;
oh, what the hell, just don't tell
anyone you're press, ok, and, take
off the tie, open your
shirt.....that's it!
(she does the valet
honors)
You know they've changed the time
twice already, and the location;
worried about crashers, show's so
hot.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
You mean it was so hot.....it's
closed out, right?

ANIMA
Poor baby, just don't have any
clues at all; show's on for another
week, held over, like a freakin
great movie or Broadway show!
C'mon, let's get going, only a few
blocks.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
But the bartender....never mind.
Fine, let's go.
(they climb the
stairs,then walk four
abreast)
Never got your names.....
(to the two others)

FIRST WOMAN
Angelique, friends just call me
Angel though.

SECOND WOMAN
Me, um Clytemnestra, you know, like
in ancient Greece, but um Italian,
charmed.
(she thrusts out her hand
to be kissed)
Hey, now yours....not Clark Kent is
it?
(they giggle)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Lionel Wadsw......
(cut off)

SECOND WOMAN
No last names, keeps the mystery,
don't ya think?

ANGELIQUE
Hey, we'll call you Lion, yeah?

CLYTEMNESTRA
Cool, totally cool; ok, when we
walk in, we're all with Lion, kinda
like his pride!
(the three girls laugh
like demons)
Now look, this place'll be full of
artsy types, so be cool, you know,
like you're a writer; they know us,
so you'll be the mystery man.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Fine, as far as it goes, but when
they ask me what I've done, what
then?

ANGELIQUE
No problema, just tell um you're
latest is at the publisher's and
they've asked you to keep it under
wraps; other stuff, just tell em
it's only available in Europe, in
French!

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(catching himself falling
into a vortex of the
unknown)
Wait, wait; slow it down; all I
want is to finally get some ID on
this artiste, curiosity's killing
me, kind of an imperative with me
now.

CLYTEMNESTRA
(to the girls)
Sounds like a writer to me, huh?!
(more giggling)
You want a tranquilizer, got
plenty?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Well, maybe just in case; thanks.

CLYTEMNESTRA
Well, we're here.
(she points to a four
story brownstone in the
Village)

FLASHBACK TO
THAT AFTERNOON:

INT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY - DAY

Lionel is talking to the Assistant Curator, only she looks
very different, like another person, like Anima!

ASSISTANT CURATOR
.......My Guess is the artist is
almost certainly a woman.......
(she is cut off)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait, wait.....haven't we had this
conv......deja vu, right?
Remember?

ASSISTANT CURATOR
I beg your pardon? Are you feeling
alright, may I get you some water?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
NO, NO, fine, think I am,
anyway....

ASSISTANT CURATOR
(she motions to her
assistant)
Ms. Hathaway, kindly fetch a cup of
water, quickly. Come, sit down on
the velvet bench with me, that's
it.

Suddenly, he finds himself semi-nude with this woman,
reclined on the velvet bench, amidst several people who are
obliviously looking at the artwork, albeit passively, of
course. Ms. Hathaway walks up nonchalantly with the water.

MS. HATHAWAY
Here we are, Mr........
(handing it to him, now
fully dressed, sitting
upright quite properly)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Thanks, not really necessary.....
(drinking, he opens his
hand to find the
tranquilizer tablet)
Where did this come from?
(to himself, though
audible)

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Why, you obtained that from our
guest artist, it's an extra
strength aspirin, the artist was
most insistent when you stopped at
a certain work and complained of a
sharp migraine-like pain, don't you
remember?
(she motions for Ms.
Hathaway to leave)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
So, Clytemnestra is the artist!
How clever, never would have
guessed.....

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Who? That name, haven't heard it
since college. Who is she?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Like to know myself; wait a minute,
you know her, you were with her,
and me on the subway......
(catches himself)
Sure it's just a resemblance,
please pardon my behavior,
including the bench.....

ASSISTANT CURATOR
I'm not following you.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Aren't you? Then how do you
explain the absence of my tie, my
shirt being open to the navel?
(he has just notice this
about his person)

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Poor dear, you don't recall our
staff nurse tending to you,
sweating profusely.....

Just then, Anima is licking his chest, his neck of sweat,
they are embracing in the museum private offices.

ANIMA
How are you feeling now, hmmmm?

There is a knock at the door; it is the senior Guard, Mr.
O'Malley.

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Yes, who is it?

GUARD
Beggin your pardon, m'am, but the
artist is about to leave, shall I
ask um to wait?

ASSISTANT CURATOR
No, just tell the artist that I
will see the artist later, at the
Reception.

GUARD
Very good, m'am; shall I help you
get dressed for tonight, then?

Lionel is bug-eyed, as if in a dream which has seemingly
paralyzed him.

ASSISTANT CURATOR
Won't be necessary; still have some
things to do here, and my Lion has
consented to help me do them,
goodnight.
(to Lionel)
Now, how about showing me some of
that Dada technique, DaDa.....

CUT TO:

EXT. BROWNSTONE STAIRS IN GREENWICH VILLAGE - NIGHT

"Lion and his Pride" are climbing the stairs to a loud
sounding apartment on the second floor.

ANIMA
Remember, we're an entourage for
Lion here, got it?
(the girls agree)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait, this won't work.......
(just then they are at the
opening door of a freak
show)

HOST
Darlings, entre, entre, enchante,
all; who is the handsome stranger?

ANIMA
You mean you don't recognize him,
shame, shame!

HOST
Oh, him! WHy didn't you say so,
everyone, everyone........
(suddenly the place
becomes rather quiet)
This is you know who, and his
lovely companions here to enoble
our presence. Well, mingle, got to
see about more stimulants....Julio,
Julio.....
(he saunters down the
hall)

Lionel is immediately abandoned by the girls, and is
approached by a curious crowd.

OLDER MAN WEARING BERET
Ah, our guest of honor has arrived;
everyone
(he points to Lionel over
his head)
Please, tell us your particular
view of postmodern modalities.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
I have no view.

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN WITH SMALL DOG
Touche, indeed; you can't fool the
master of deception. Tell, me do
you do private commissions?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
I don't do anything in the arts.

TRANSGENDER PERSON, TALL
Let me have at him; they're so
imposing, with all their questions,
do you do controversial nudes? I'M
very available.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
I'm not.
(there is admiring
laughter)
I am concerned with your toilet
only.
(he exits the room to
continuous oohing and
ahhing)

Lionel wastes no time in climbing out the window and down the
fire escape; in the alley he finds Anima.

LIONEL WADSWORTH (cont'd)
What the hell are you doing here,
and thanks alot for dumping me!

ANIMA
That's the thanks I get, you were
holding court, you loved it, come
on, didn't want to break your
stride; besides, gotta get over the
real reception, this one's for a
recluse writer-turned
painter......must Be why they went
for you; hell, their questions are
one size fits all anyway, don't
know squat. Let's go, wanna make
the real reception.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Wait, wait; I'm beat, not used to
all this action.

ANIMA
No problem, it's not till midnight,
so we'll crash at my place, not
far.

CUT TO FEW
MOMENTS LATER:

INT. ANIMA'S APARTMENT - LATER

Lionel and Anima are on the smallish balcony, sipping wine.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Hey, call me crazy, but I'm having
a real identity crisis, can you
help? Who the hell am I, don't
remember.

ANIMA
Not a problem; give me your hand.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
No, seriously, can you 'read' me?

ANIMA
Sure, a bit psychic at that; never
bought that cub reporter bit, can
tell you that.
(she is stroking his hand)

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Are you this responsive with the
guys.....you know, you go out with?

ANIMA
Whoa, I get it: those girls at the
bar and that bartender.....you
thought I was a.......figures; I
just walked in with them, that's
all.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
(he is suddenly put in
mind of their encounter
at the Museum banquet)
You're not...., ok. WHat do you
do......were you at the Museum
yesterday by any chance??

ANIMA
Yes, there most days, I'm an
Assistant Curator there, alternate
with friend of mine, Jane Hathaway,
why?

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Didn't we interact?

ANIMA
Jesus, was that you? Heard about
it, some guy raising hell, blah,
blah, blah, had a headache, sent
Jane out.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Afraid I was a little off the wall,
just got tired of the secrecy, all
the artsy hiding from the public---
-felt I was losing touch with my
sensibilities. Just felt like I
wanted to kill all that crap off, I
guess.

ANIMA
Interesting, because that's why I
wanted you to come here. I'm afraid
you will have to go.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
What about the reception? Did I do
or say something to upset you?

ANIMA
We both know the answer to that,
you're at it: look, you said it
yourself, moment ago, it's either
you or me, and I vote for me.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
How would you 'go' anyway, it's
your place, your name on the
mailbox.....wait a minute, where do
I live?

ANIMA
Not here anymore, I'm afraid; look,
it's just time, that's all.

LIONEL WADSWORTH
Actually, I'm rather relieved,
don't really like myself lately,
maybe I never did. Mind if I leave
quietly, don't want any more
excitement....

ANIMA
Sure, your way.

Lionel gets up, smiles sadly, goes to the balcony and
effortlessly hops over the rail. There is only silence
outside, no scream, nothing.

CUT TO:

INT. METROPOLITAN ART GALLERY - AFTERNOON

It is the next day, Saturday; Alana James is busy receiving
the guests in honor of her work.

ALANA JAMES
Welcome, all; so glad you could
make it. After the tour, I'll be
on hand to answer any questions I
can about the exhibition.
(she walks over to a
beaming Jane H.)

JANE HATHAWAY
Well, someone's like a new person;
what's in the coffee?

ALANA JAMES
And how, feel like I shed some old
wet clothes; say, really sorry
about yesterday, was way out of
line, just so despondent, felt
weighed down, you know?

JANE HATHAWAY
Don't be silly; Mr. O'Malley and I
and everyone knew it was not you,
so we played along. Actually kind
of fun, although you look much
better in that lovely gown.
(they laugh amiably)
Although, you really did lose it
near the self-portrait, the one
with the......
(cut off)

ALANA JAMES
Giant Squid! As in Id; it was that
painting that put me in the funk,
knew there was a predatory blob in
my psyche, very depressing. When
you gave me that tranquilizer, I
knew what I had to do.......

MR. O'MALLEY
Ladies, they're asking for you;
have lots of questions about one
painting in particular.......

ALANA JAMES
Right, think I can handle it this
time, now that I've been liberated!

FADE OUT.