Diary of a Liquid Dieter

I was packing over eleven pounds of unshiftable weight after months of desperate exercise and all kinds of celebrity fat-to-fab in a nanosecond diets when I stumbled on Beyonce Knowles in “Dreamgirls”.

The storyline was solid and some members of the cast even won Oscars. The movie was a blockbuster that ought to be owned on DVD but the only thing I could think of throughout the movie was “How on earth did bootylicious turn to stickilicious so fast?” I sprang for the nearest computer and quickly ran a search on Beyonce and Dreamgirls. Ten minutes later, I discovered the answer – the liquid diet. Armed with all the information I needed including why a liquid diet isn’t suitable for weight loss, I plunged head on into a ten-day liquid diet anyway.

Day 1

Breakfast: 2 large oranges, 1 grapefruit, 6 frozen strawberries and half a banana passed through a juicer.
Lunch: 5 glasses of cranberry juice and lots of water
Dinner: A glass of green tea, 2 glasses of grape juice and a multivitamin pill

Verdict: So far, so good. I felt healthy, alive and on top of the world throughout the day. I attacked everything with renewed vigour and even took the stairs at work instead of the lift. My colleagues were impressed.

Day 2

Breakfast: 3 cups each of cubed watermelon and cantaloupe passed through a juicer.
Lunch: 4 carrots, 1 celery stick and an apple passed through a juicer
Dinner: A glass of black tea, 4 glasses of tomato juice, lots of water and a multivitamin pill.

Verdict: The second day was a little trickier. I felt a wee bit more tired than usual and there may have been moments when my vision was slightly blurred but otherwise everything was still fine.

Day 3

Breakfast: 4 cups of jell-O and lots of water
Lunch: 2 bowls of clear broth skimmed of fat and two glasses of apple juice.
Dinner: A glass of green tea, 2 glasses of grape juice and a multivitamin pill

Verdict: I climbed on the scales this morning and miraculously I had lost six pounds. Marvellous! I downed today’s menu with gusto. However I discreetly resumed my lift-taking ways.

Day 4

Breakfast: 4 glasses of cranberry juice and lots of water
Lunch: 1 sweet potato, 4 oranges and half a pineapple passed through a juicer.
Dinner: A glass of black tea; mango, apples and grapes, cut into little pieces and run through the juicer. Minimum of 5 glasses and a multivitamin pill.

Verdict: I confirmed blurred vision today in addition to buzzing in my ears and while driving home I think I saw a cat perched on my dashboard grinning at me. Six days to go. I stuck pictures of Beyonce on my fridge, vanity mirror and bathroom cabinet for motivation.

Day 5

Breakfast: 2 bowls of clear broth skimmed of fat and two glasses of apple juice.
Lunch: 5 glasses of cranberry juice
Dinner: 2 cups of jell-O, lots of water and a multivitamin pill.

Verdict: I’d dropped a further three pounds by this morning. Exhilarated, I threw on a suit that hadn’t fit me in months. Everyone in the office commented on the new me. However, they all looked like fried drumsticks dipped in barbecue sauce to me.

Day 6

I practised martial arts for nine years and I was a three-time champion. I’ve competed in and won accolades in several sports including badminton and table tennis. I am a strong, determined and inspired young woman. I’m all for will power, staying power and achieving your goals but on day six; all I wanted to know was where to find the nearest McDonald’s.

Overall Verdict: Unless you’re a few thousand pounds overweight and practically knocking on death’s door, I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone. Nothing beats losing weight the healthy way and we all know what that is.