Emotional Intelligence and Sensitivity

Human emotions are a topic of both human and academic interest. Most
people are interested in their emotions, and much influenced by them.
Academically, they are currently a major focus of interest in several
disciplines, such as neuroscience, psychology, philosophy, and
sociology.

Scientists have demonstrated that we are programmed to feel before we
think. This is our survival instinct. But, once you are aware of what
you are feeling, the probabilities of successfully dealing with your
emotions are greatly improved. The ability to step back and recognise
what you are feeling allows you to exercise self-control and to employ
coping techniques.

People with emotional intelligence have a resolute confidence in
themselves, which comes from self-knowledge and self-honesty. They know
that their personal happiness is up to them and no one else. Instead of
cataloguing other people and their actions, they check their emotions
first. People with emotional intelligence look out for there own well
being as well as that of others. They understand that life is not just
about them; it is all about balance and having balance leads to
emotional stability.

When a person is too sensitive for his time, or too vulnerable to fear
of social pressures, this undoubtedly leads him to suffer in countless
ways, depression being the most common. Sensitivity has always been
consigned to the periphery of psychology. The traits of sensitivity are
not considered to be symptoms of a psychological disorder, nor should
they be. However they also have never been identified in their entirety
as symbolic of a personality type. Specifically, in traditional
psychological literature there is no such thing as the sensitive
personality.

Sensitivity occurs just as often in males as it does in females. But
our ethos teaches men that they are too be strong, not sensitive. So
men are the ones who learn more quickly how to disguise their
sensitivity. They hide it and repress it, but they still cannot make it
go away and remain deeply affected by emotions.

These men who conceal their sensitivity are actually affected even more
deeply by it because they internalise feelings, rather than expressing
them. This increases their suffering too more widespread emotional pain
in the form of depression or anxiety. They are well aware that they are
sensitive, but are so adept in hiding it that many of their friends and
family would not know it.

Women, on the other hand, are much more able to express emotions, and
therefore do not have such pressure to hide their sensitivity. Some
women still do, though, because of career roles or simply because they
are tired of feeling sensitive all the time.

What are these strengths ascribed to Sensitivity? Firstly comes
creativity and imagination. It is no revelation to find that all kinds
of artists are sensitive. Still, sensitives in all walks of life have
more imagination and creativity than average person. Another strength
is great perception. Sensitive people read their own and other people's
feelings very easily and often have high levels of empathy and
awareness of others' needs. Empathy, or psychic feeling, is the
underlying cause of sensitivity. If a person has the traits of
emotional sensitivity that indicates, without a doubt, that they have
empathic ability.

Sensitive people empathically experience the emotions of those around
them. They also tend to have strong intuition, and are inclined to have
more ability, than average to reflect on matters. This lends them, to
think in more subtle ways, in turn leading to the development of
wisdom. Sensitivity also instigates the development of individuality;
the person begins to understand that he has responsibility for himself,
leading to an awareness that he does not have to act simply from social
compulsion.

Since our society does not teach us about empathic ability or even
recognise that it exists, sensitive people have no way to understand or
process the emotions they empathically sense from others. They have no
means to control or manage their empathic ability.

The painful, empathic emotions build up over time, and manifest as some
of the less desirable traits of sensitivity, which are being easily
hurt, not being able to shake off emotions, fear of conflict, suffering
from depression, or anxiety, and lastly, feeling stimulus overload in
crowded or loud places.

Many sensitive people gravitate toward the helping and healing
professions because they naturally understand other's emotions. They
are great valuers of art and often have uncanny artistic ability. Their
empathic ability allows them to sense the depth and meaning of art.
These traits of sensitivity are all highly desirable. What a cold,
malicious world it would be without people to understand emotions,
connect with other's emotions, and create and appreciate art.

Self-awareness means knowing which emotions you are feeling and why. It
is the ability to see and understand the connection between what you
are feeling and how you act on those feelings. Self-awareness also
involves a degree of self-honesty; knowing what is both petty and
admirable about what you feel and how you act, while preserving
self-belief in your self-worth and capabilities. Likewise, emotional
awareness allows you to speak up for yourself because you are
comfortable communicating your feelings.

Emotional Sensitivity allows us to feel compassion for other people's
feelings and to understand their perspective. People who are
emotionally sensitive pay attention to non-verbal cues and listen well,
which enables them to communicate well with others. They respect other
people's feelings and do not invalidate others. Those with emotional
intelligence and integrity also have a well-developed social
conscience. When pursuing their goals they are concerned not only with
the personal consequences but the consequences for others as well. As a
result, emotional sensitivity enables them to be both inner and outer
directed.

The ability to take responsibility for and manage one's own emotions
and personal happiness is an important cornerstone of emotional
intelligence. People with these qualities are consequently highly
self-directed. Not only do they prioritise and set realistic and
challenging goals, but also they are also able to balance emotion and
intellect when making decisions. In short, they are able to exercise
self-control.

At work we have become too sensitive to how we communicate both
verbally and non-verbally for fear of offending someone. This defensive
fear has created situations where we tend to avoid face-to-face
communication in favour of a less threatening alternative form.

A bad day or an argument with a work colleague will physiologically
arouse us and therefore increase our sensitivity. We make judgements
and react to people immediately and automatically. Almost as if we have
a trunk load of studied emotional reactions, that we pull out and use,
without thinking about the appropriateness of any specific reaction.
The speed and automatic nature of our emotional responses often prevent
us from stepping back and thinking first; to act and think differently
takes repeated practice and conscious awareness.

Looking inside takes power. The person, who has the courage to look,
discovers vulnerability. Out of that comes sensitivity that carries
within itself love for the whole. When we are able to recognise our own
vulnerability we begin to recognise and accept it in someone else. The
acceptance of vulnerability also means that less time needs to me spent
searching for refuge in different areas of life. Love and sensitivity
are the spiritual ground in which strength can grow.