Honeymoon

My wife and I often laugh about this little
incident that we had on our
Honeymoon.

My wife is 68 I just turned 71. I know it is little late in
life to marry but we both talked about it for a long time.
Her kids are all out on their own and so are my three daughters. After knowing each other for a few years,
we knew some of our friends would be against it because
of our age, but we decided to marry just the same.
We loved each other very much and confided in each other all the time. I'm one of these guys that is always making with the jokes. She says she just loves my sense of humor.
We've been married for three months now.
I finally cornered her in the kitchen one day and said honey the hell with all this paper work we are doing on our business affairs, planning to sell your home and thinking of selling this one. Going back and forth from here to there all the time. We are both trying to do too much and getting stressed over it and my stomach is upset from all this.
We'll take care of all this stuff later. We have plenty of money so there is no reason to deal with all of this now.
We never took a honeymoon so in a few days we're going to take one. She was really surprise and excited and said yes let's go. I told her you decide where you want to go and to my surprise, she said I think it would be neat to go over the Sonora pass in the High Sierras. Maybe we could stop at Lake Tahoe. ``I said, that sounds great.``
We live near Sacramento and it won't be that long of a drive. Tomorrow I will keep my doctor appointment and then we will leave the following day. Two days later we
got on our way heading up into the High Sierras.
After being on the road for a while, my stomach started bothering me real bad. I felt embarrassed I started passing gas little by little, my wife was driving and I was sitting next to her on the passenger side. I kept moving from left to right around on the front seat, passing gas a little bit on and off, mostly quiet ones. I felt quite embarrassed and reached over and rolled the window down a little bit.
My stomach was hurting terribly. I look towards my wife and she was looking out her side of the window and then slowly rolled her side down a bit. Finally I had to give in and tell her I needed to go to the bathroom now!!
She said, ``sure no problem we just passed a sign that said there was a town a mile up the road.`` I had never felt such pain like this in my entire life sitting there with my legs crossed almost tied in a knot and I was squeezing my butt so tight I thought my stomach was going to explode.
I said to her two or three times, could you go a little faster. Honey I'm sorry this is happening to me it must have been that cauliflower we had for dinner last night. We finally pulled up at a gas station. She hurried out to get the key.
I struggled to get out of the car when I saw her coming back with the key. I had trouble standing straight up.
I felt I was going to lose it right there in front of my wife.
I couldn't imagine how embarrassing that would be.
For the last couple of blocks I was frozen in one spot afraid to move because if I did move I would crap all over myself. As I struggled into the bathroom holding my hand over my butt, I barely got my pants down and sat on the toilet passing gas constantly. I look toward the ceiling and there was a huge fan blowing fresh air in from the outside.
I sat there for a long period of time passing gas and couldn't crap. My wife tapping'' at the door asking if I was all right. I sat there with my arms on my knees twiddling my thumbs, and I thought to myself, now I know what
that means that everybody writes on the walls in public restroom.
Here I sit all broken hearted, came to crap but only farted.

A story by Norman Clifford