In Isolation

Disc 4457 Transcript Patient 0490 Medic 7 Ward 4 03/07 4:30PM

P: What's that?
M: Recording our talks ensures that you can have my full attention. It
means that I do not have to make notes.
P: Oh. All right.
M: May I begin?
P: Sure.
M: Can you tell me about your mother, please?
[4 second interval]
P: It wasn't the first time she cried, you know. I wanted to-
[5 second interval]
M: Yes?
[7 second interval]

//It was a colourless day. When he went outside to put out the rubbish,
the air was so thick with frost it felt like he was swimming through
cobwebs. There was a smell of moth-balls.//

M: What did you want to do?
[16 second interval]

//He wandered inside, full of memories, and heard the kettle squealing
on the stove. He covered his ears with soft mittens and tried to blot
the whistle out, crouching low. The sound went on, shrill and
monotonous, as if there was a giant mosquito in the kitchen. Where was
everyone? He was being pulled back to the surface. Now was not the time
to dwell on the past.//

P: Sorry. I was?
[2 second interval]
P: I was lost. Forgive me. My head hurts.
[5 second interval]
M: I think this is where we will stop today. I will send someone with a
painkiller if that is what you would like.
P: No!
M: Very well, sir. I won't push you. Will there be anything else?
[3 second interval]
P: No.

*****

Disc 4457 Transcript Patient 0490 Medic 7 Ward 4 04/07 4:30 PM

M: Is there anything in particular that you want to talk about,
today?
[4 second interval]
M: Sir?
[5 second interval]
M: Do you not want to talk at all?
[3 second interval]
M: I see. Well then?
[2 second interval]
M: I will see you tomorrow.

*****

Disc 4457 Transcript Patient 0490 Medic 7 Ward 4 05/07 4:30 PM

M: Are we feeling better today?
[3 second interval]

//The sound continued, and an overwhelming panic rose in his chest. He
shouted for Mamma, then. Again he called her, and then Bonny but there
was only silence. There was no one there to help him. Gasping, he
stumbled into the kitchen, and shoved the offending object from the
stove. There was a burning sensation in his throat that
settled.//

P: Who are you?
M: As I informed you before, sir, my name is Miss Hemmerlin, and I am
your Medic.
P: Yes, but who are you?
M: I'm not sure what you mean, sir.
[1 second interval]
P: I can't explain.
[3 second interval]
P: I don't know who I am any more. That's the problem.
[5 second interval]

//He swallowed, and the pain was smothered in shallow sobs. His eyes
sought the window, but he saw nothing except a blank whiteness
outside.//

M: There is no need to be distressed.
P: Leave me alone.
M: If that is what you wish.
P: Yes. Goodbye.
[2 second interval]
M: Goodbye, sir.

*****

Disc 4457 Transcript Patient 0490 Medic 7 Ward 4 06/07 4:30PM

P: So what are you trying to do?
M: I'm sorry?
P: To me, I mean. What are you trying to do to me? Why am I here? Where
is 'here', for that matter? Where am I?
[2 second interval]
P: And what's wrong with me?
M: There is no need to be distressed, sir. You are here because you are
ill. You are in good care.
P: Mentally ill? Are you trying to say I'm insane?
M: I apologise. That is certainly not what I was trying to imply.
[2 second interval]
M: You want to remember who you are, is that correct?
[3 second interval]
M: Is that correct?
P: Yes.
M: Well that is what we are trying to help you to do.
[7 second interval]

//He dragged his fingers along the wall as he made his way slowly
through the hallway.
"Mamma?" he called softly. It would have been Mamma who had put the
kettle on to boil. She was the only one in the whole family who liked
tea.//

P: I've been here a week and I still haven't remembered, though.
[4 second interval]
M: I can tell you what is in your records if you wish. Your name
is-
P: I remember my name anyway, but that doesn't tell me who I am.
[2 second interval]
P: Facts mean nothing.
[1 second interval]
P: You say that you're some kind of doctor-
M: Sir, I am your Medic.
P: Fine. You say that you're a 'Medic', whatever that is, and that you
are trying to help me remember who I am. Is that right?
M: Affirmative.
P: I don't believe you. I don't believe that you're trying to help me
at all. You put me in a bed and make me lie here for hours and hours
and then you come to ask me questions?so many questions?
[2 second interval]
P: It just makes it worse.
M: There is no need to be distressed, sir.
P: I want you to go away. I'm too tired to talk.
M: Very well, sir.

*****

//"Mamma?" He could hear sounds in the parlour now. He crept forward
and pushed open the door. //

*****

Disc 4457 Transcript Patient 0490 Medic 7 Ward 4 07/07 1:34AM

M: I came as soon as I received your message. Is it something of great
importance? I hope you are aware, sir, that it is one thirty-four in
the morning.
P: Why did they put me in this place?
[7 second interval]

//She was sitting in the rocking chair, weeping. Bonny was kneeling by
her side. What was wrong with Mamma? He knew he should go to her, and
ask her, but something kept him hovering, dizzy, in the doorway. He
heard their voices as if from a great distance.
"I'm sorry I had to call you back from work, darling, but I can't deal
with him on my own."//

P: Tell me!
[4 second interval]
P: Tell me!
[4 second interval]

//What did she mean? Bonny had been here all the time, hadn't she? What
was going on?
"If I had known it was so serious I would have come back much sooner,
you know that, Mamma. What is he doing now?"
"He thinks he's a little boy, Bonny."
"He thinks what?!"//

M: Your mother and sister thought it would be best to put you in our
care and-P: There's nothing wrong with me!
[5 second interval]

//"I am a little boy, Mamma. Bonny, what does she mean?" He cowered as
Bonny whirled round.
"Don't be so stupid, Frederic. You're thirty-six years of age and not
a day less! What the devil do you think you're playing at? Look what
you've done to Mamma with your silly imaginings! Look!" She pointed to
the woman huddled in the chair.//

P: Nothing?[sound of sobs]
[20 second interval]

//The image was distorted with his tears, and he squinted through the
haze. The burning returned in his throat and he clutched it with his
hand a moment. Then he ran. It was too bright outside, dangerously
bright, and he skidded over frozen puddles. His toes were cold, now. He
had been so silly, forgetting to put his shoes on. What would Mamma
say? The light was blinding him and his breath made fuzzy clouds as he
stumbled.//

P: I don't know who I am any more. That's the problem?
[5 second interval]

//Exhausted, he collapsed on a bed of numbing snow and sank into white
oblivion.//

P: Isn't it?

*****