Jimblobs obituary.

"He just blew up in front of my face a shocked bystander said today.

James "blob Caldwell (40) exploded today in what seems like a bizarre case of spontaneous combustion.
Witnesses say that Jimblob (as he was known to his friends) had been feeling "gassy for a few days, ever since he tried the "white hot biryani in his local Indian restaurant.
He had earlier been thrown out of his local pub for vandalism, the proprietor, Mr Walter Downbeer discovered that the WC had been destroyed directly after Jimblob had been for a "Gladys Night. Mr Downbeer went on to say that he had warned Jimblob on previous occasions to use the specially installed steel bowl..

"Jimblob had blown apart three WC's in as many months he said, "I installed the steel bowl specially for him but unfortunately it was in use when Jim rushed to the toilet last night, but that is no excuse!, he should have waited until it was vacant

Police have cordoned off the whole of the town centre in a bid to retrieve as much of Jimblobs bits as possible.

His wife was last night being comforted by friends and relatives, she released a statement through a spokesman, and it read:

"My husband was a fun loving guy who never grew up, he had always had a fixation with producing the perfect botty burp. He would eat combinations of food and drink in his quest for the perfect pump, sometimes it made him ill.
Yesterday he succeeded, but it cost him life and I respect him for that, he always made sure that my children and I were at a safe distance, especially when he was trying an unknown combination of foodstuffs.
He was a wonderful husband who's childish fixation with all things toilet related was hard for others to understand, but we loved him!, he even paid to have my sense of smell surgically removed, which was nice of him, up until then I was spending upwards of £100 a week on air fresheners and underpants (XL).
He will be greatly missed by all who knew him, but it comforts me to know he went "out with a bang!

We tried to get an interview from Mr Mhabozar Rhychi, the proprietor of the "Rhusti Wattar Tandoori Shack who sold Jimblob the biryani but he refused to comment, we do know however that that the bomb disposal unit have taken away a bubbling pot of stew from the restaurant in an operation that took 4 hours and a lead lined cask on the back of a low loader.

There will be no funeral as such as it was always Jimblobs wish to be buried under the roses in his garden.