L: the Piccadilly Litany

The train now standing at platfarm farteen is
The Virgin Narthwest service to Blackpole Narth
If you want to go to Blackpole Narth
Go to Platfarm farteen
This train is running approximately
Twenty
Minutes late
We are sorry for the delay to this train
Passengers for Liverpole Lime Street are advised
That the virgin Narthwest service is running approximately
Twenty
Minutes late
We are sorry for the delay to this train
That is now not standing at platfarm farteen
The train now standing at platfarm farteen is
The delayed Virgin Narthwest to Blackpole Narth
Not the delayed Virgin Narthwest Service to
Liverpole Lime Street
If you want to go to Blackpole Narth
Please bard the train now standing at Platfarm farteen
Passengers for Liverpole Lime Street
Please don't bard the train now standing at platfarm farteen
Unless you wish to go to Blackpole Narth
Eh, Mace, is this the tsrain for Liverpewl Lime Stsreece?
No, it's going to Blackpole Narth
Oh
You aven' goss a spear ciggie theer
'Ave you, mace?