Life among the Twirlies

The old lady got on the bus. &;quot;Am I too
early?&;quot; she beamed at the driver and his frown melted into the
beginnings of a smile. &;quot;Ah go on then, whats 5 minutes between
friends?&;quot;

She patted him on the arm, then
turned and gave a thumbs up to the people at the bus stop. There was a
mad scramble and a pack of rampaging pensioners surged on to the bus.
&;quot;Hoi!&;quot; The driver jumped up but was smothered in
&;quot;Thanks sons&;quot; and &;quot;Ta pets&;quot; as they
flashed their passes and ran giggling down the
bus.

&;quot;Give me the school run any
day&;quot; he muttered as he pulled out into traffic, just missing a
wobbly cyclist who flipped him the finger as he swerved past.

The pensioners were all settling down. One, wearing
a furry pink bobble hat was handing out black bullets and two others
were nudging each other and giggling. The man in front of them went
very pink about the ears. His toupee had slipped a bit, it must have
been knocked by one of the carrier bag wielding pensioners and grey
hairs were sticking out the bottom.

The bus pulled up
at the next stop and the toupee man suddenly jumped up and got off,
pushing past the young girl with the dummy in her mouth and the toddler
under her arm. She took the dummy out. &;quot;Keep your hair on
granddad&;quot; she yelled down the street. This had the pensioners
convulsed. One of them laughed so much the others had to slap him on
the back.

&;quot;Here, hold the bairn while I get
me money out&;quot; The girl thrust the toddler at the driver who
bounced him up and down on his steering wheel. &;quot;One to
Chichester metro please.&;quot; She absent mindedly pushed the dummy
into the little boys mouth just as he looked up at the driver and
opened his mouth to roar. &;quot;1.20 love, whats his name?
&;quot; Keanu&;quot;, she said, handing the money over and
settling the child back on her hip, &;quot;and hes a right little
monster.&;quot;

The baby looked her in the eye,
took his dummy out and bounced it off the head of the nearest
pensioner. There was a scramble to look for it with bags being moved
and backs creaking to bend. All the time, Keanu was screaming blue
murder. An old gentleman bowed and handed over the dummy, the girl
screwed it round in her own mouth, then stuffed it back into Keanus.
&;quot;Little bugger&;quot; she said as she went upstairs.

The bus settled down again, waiting for the next
stop.