Nickers

Nickers (how to get poetic inspiration) ? alan smith 2003

NOTE: The 'previously written' reference is to stories C and T .

I have previously written of the space in which i'm sittin
where legitimate poetic thoughts go missin
i sit here and watch the telly, pick my toes or scratch my belly
then write rude crapacious poems such as this'un

this morning's inspiration follows days of shear frustration
(poet bows to the applause, insanely grinning)
somehow yesterday's striptease, sent my fingers to the keys
wait a moment, let me start at the beginning

* * * * * * *

wanting desperately to write- about what? my thoughts are shite
so i quit my bed , get dressed and tread with care
between the piles of rubbish (mainly poems no one will publish
and i reach my 'office': laptop, footstool, chair

now i do a double backtake, and shout out loud 'for heaven's sake
someone's gone and left their undies where i sit
just nonchalantly chucked there, as though someone got stoned
there'
so i pick them up and sniff them, (just a bit)

such stimulation never fails, to generate some horney tales
an image of strip poker first appears
a naked pair of lovers, several goats, quadruplet brothers
and same sex partners (never call them 'queers')

i see the physical bits, all the sweaty bums and tits
but how come the undies stay, their wearer gone ?
it may well be that the owner suffered badly from a boner
and couldn't get the wretched things back on

* * * * * * *

i clearly hear my conscience saying 'stop this bloody nonsense'
but it's not like i've deliberately been lying
all right, i do admit, i left out a little bit
the undies on the chair? ok they're mine!

it's a technique that i choose if and when my pers'nal muse
is on strike, asleep, or dead, or maybe missing
it's like using someone's art, to convince your mind to start
or like eating , swimming, throwing up or kissing

i'm worn out from defending, when i should be recommending
you can try it when your muse next hides away
remember that the trick is you must always drop your knickers
somewhere you'll be sure to find them the next day

with a bit of lateral thinking i can see my teacher winking
and including this in poetry 1a
can't wait to see the classes all resplendent with bare arses
there'll be inspiration overload that day