Nursery Rinds

The message is simple; it's one we all fear,

The new orders coming to all we hold dear.

'Food for thought' one might say, until closer you look,


At what's happening to those, in our nursery books.

At first it was political correctness that came,

To put all our memories of favourites to shame,

But now it appears that they're going to mess with,

What foods they all eat, for 'Dietary Correctness'

So here's to the future, or the past, I'm not sure.

Whether these tales are for real literature.

The meaning's quite small, and nothing to some.

But here's a quick glance as what's maybe to come.

Jack Horner's mum's pies are no longer his pleasure,

For fear of them adding to his rising blood pressure,

His waistlines been expanding from morsels so tasty,

That his doctor has ordered, that he cut down on his pastry.

Less fat's on the menu and all cuts are now leaner,

And poor Mrs Spratt's diet, keeps her platters all keener.


For in order to keep her excesses from mounting,

She had to join 'Weight Watchers' and start calorie counting.

The not so little Miss Muffet, is really quite sad,

For neither curds nor whey, are any more to be had.

It's not spiders that now make her life seem so scary,

Rather, a lactose intolerance, from all products dairy.

No more gingerbread cottages for Hansel or Gretal,

As they're now both being monitored for rising cholesterol.


No more chocolate mice, or plates full of sweeties,

For both also have type 'A' diabetes.

No more platefuls of gateaux at the Hatter's mad parties,


For the royal physicians told him, what the state of his heart is.


The Dormouse no longer has feasts of rich cheese,

Until he can fit in that teapot, for he became quite obese.

And the Cheshire cat's grin was considered so wide,

He was put on a diet to help slim his hide.

No more sugary tea, or sticky jam tarts,

For Alice now worries about the size of her arse.

Even the Queen has reduced all her bites,

In order to combat, her bad cellulite.

And all the Kings men have been put on hold,

From eating fried Humpties, instead of just boiled.

So it seems that in future, the stories we tell,

To children at bedtime, before they can spell.

Will now all have messages of a different look,

So they can learn healthy eating from out of a book.

But one question I have for all those that know,

And the dietary experts from both above and below,

If low fat and high fibre is all we eat, as we should,

Why is it the calories, that always taste good?

Mark St Jefferson