O - Alex Goes Shopping - For My Emma

ALEX GOES SHOPPING

Everyone's busy in the Hunter home,
(That's the one with the roof that looks like a dome.)
Dad's under the car, Mum's painting the wall,
Lin's out in the garden with her brother Paul.
They're mowing the lawn or so it would seem,
Actually Paul's sitting down in a bit of a dream.

He often thinks how cool it would be
If his pet dog Alex was human like he.
If Alex could talk, or even just walk,
Just a little more human
Like you,
Or like me.

Paul had his day dreaming down to an art,
But Mum was calling and he woke with a start.
"Paul, come in the kitchen, I've a job here for you,
Some important things I want you to do.
If we're going to eat you must go to the shop,
I'd go myself but the painting can't stop,
And Lin's doing the lawn, and Dad's covered in oil,
But you're just sat there like a weed in the soil.
So here's a list and some money,
Now get off and scoot.
Hop to it bunny,
Go on, off you shoot."

Outside he sat down and thought for a while,
Thinking of things that made him smile.
But top of the list as he scratched his mop,
Was how to get out of going to the shop.
"I know," said Paul, with a flash of insight,
"If I ask Alex to go, he might.
He just might!"

"Alex come here," he called to his dog,
Who was lay there asleep, as sound as a log.
"Come on Alex, you lazy old thing,
Here's a list of the stuff I want you to bring."
And so Alex finally started to stir,
Sniffing the air, and scratching his fur.
He opened his mouth and grabbed hold of the list,
Secured the purse to his tail by giving a twist,
And with a growl and a grumble
And a bark that was mumbled,
Off he went to the shop
With a skip
And a hop.

As he went down the street,
On his four great, big feet,
He met his friend Noodle,
Next door's French Poodle.
But he had no time to stop and to chat,
To talk about bones or just chew the fat,
Because he had a job, a mission, a task,
To go to the shop, as Paul had asked.
So forgetting the note he held in his jaw,
He barked, "can't stop," then he barked, "oh lor."
You see the note flew out of Alex's mouth,
And was caught by the wind and headed due South.

Noodle was sorry, but asked just the same,
"Since you don't have the list, do you fancy a game?"
But Alex was good, and loyal, and true -
He knew exactly what he should do.
"I'll go to the shop and guess what they need.
I watch what they eat when they start to feed.
I'll make up a list, here in my head.
They're bound to want eggs, and milk, and bread.
I'll even ask for a big lump of cheese,
All topped off with a smile and a please, pretty please."

He reached the shop and skipped in through the door,
Untwisted his tail and laid the purse on the floor.
"Good afternoon Mr. Clark,"
He said with a bark,
"There's some things in my head,
Like eggs, milk, and bread,
That I have to buy, oh and some cheese,
Could you sell them to me, please, pretty please?"

Mr. Clark was a man of considerable brain,
But the look on his face was one of pain.
"I'm sorry young pup, though I strain and I strain,
I'm afraid your barking is all in vain.
You see I'm struggling today
To understand what you say.
I do speak frog,
But I don't speak dog.
If you could maybe ribbit or croak,
You could chat, talk, sing, or tell me a joke.
But you can bark at me for years and years,
Sadly, it will fall on deaf ears."

This was a problem, Alex could see.
"How can I make him understand me?"
Barking was useless,
Of that he was sure.
Mr. Clark was clueless,
So he sat on the floor,
And he thought,
And he thought,
And he thought some more.

Finally, after a moment or two,
He knew exactly what he should do.
He remembered the party at Christmas time,
How they guessed secret words by doing a mime.
"That's it," Alex barked, "I'll mime what I need.
Mr. Clark won't want a list he can read."

He started with milk, and I swear this is true,
He stood up off the floor and began to moo.
He chewed pretend grass,
And swatted a fly;
But Mr. Clark looked on
As if to ask, "why?"

"I'll move on," thought Alex, "to the next on my list.
I'm sure Mr. Clark will soon get the gist."

"Okay then, bread. For my family's sake,
I hope he thinks bread is a piece of cake."
But how could he mime
In a short length of time,
Something so dull as a loaf of bread?
Then as if from nowhere, it popped in his head...

Alex scampered across the shop to the tables
Where Mr. Clark kept his most popular labels.
On his hind legs, with his back to the fridge,
He started to act out making a sandwich.
This isn't easy you understand,
When you have paws instead of hands.
Poor Mr. Clark had no idea,
What on earth Alex was up to here.

Alex sat and he thought and he thought and he thought,
He wished he remembered the tricks he'd been taught.
How to sit and to stand, and to beg and say please,
How to go to the shop and ask for cheese.
But try as he might his heart still sank,
For all his thinking, his mind was blank.
"I can't do cheese, it's way too cheesy.
I'll do eggs instead, they'll be easy."

He stood like a chicken, while he was checking
For the imaginary corn that he'd be pecking.
"Mr. Clark, I'm a chicken," he said with a cluck,
But poor old Alex was still out of luck.
His cluck was a bark, like all that he said,
And he began to wish he'd stayed in bed.

Mr. Clark came over and said with a smile,
"That's the funniest thing I've seen in a while.
Have a sweet for your effort and one for your time,
Here's one that's orange and another that's lime."
Alex was pleased to be given a treat,
But still he could barely wag his tail;
He knew he must accept defeat,
Although he didn't want to fail.

Just then the shop doorbell rang,
"Hello Mr. Clark," a familiar voice sang.
Alex leapt to his feet, his tail held high,
"It's Paul," he quietly barked with a sigh.
"I sent Alex here to buy things for my mum,
But when she saw what I'd done,
I'm afraid she smacked me on the bum.
She said I was naughty, and I suppose that I was.
When she asked why I'd done it, I just said because."

Mr. Clark smiled again and said with a grin,
"I'm so glad you sent Alex in.
Today he's entertained me like royalty,
As he did what you asked with the greatest of loyalty.
But tell me, what did you send him to fetch?"
And Paul said, as Alex started to stretch,
"Oh just a few things for our teas,
Eggs,
Milk,
Bread,
And a big lump of cheese.

When Paul and Alex left Mr. Clark,
Alex set off at a trot for the park.
"I think I'll go and lie under the fence,
Everything there seems to make sense."

And that's where he went, and that's where he lay,
Under the fence for the rest of the day...

Until his supper time.