One of the weirdest things that ever happened

I still can't quite believe this happened to me. It ranks right up
there with the time someone dropped a hot dog sausage down the back of
my boot in the cinema queue.

I was going to work as usual, half asleep at 7.50am, standing on the
platform. Feeling tired, a bit grumpy, not very attractive. It was one
of those mornings I hadn't had time to wash my hair and couldn't find
anything nice to wear. I've been shopping for at least 15 years, have 3
full wardrobes and still have those mornings.

Anyway, the train pulls up and I hop on into my usual carriage. I spot
one seat left between two slightly overweight businessmen. I sigh
without showing it and squeeze in between them to sit down. Businessman
B on my right is no problem. Businessman A on my left, however, is a
BIG problem. He is chatting politely to the lady opposite him. As I
hear his voice, my thigh wedged right up to his on the cramped train, I
realise this is no ordinary commuter, this is my ex-boyfriend of years
ago. Shit. Is this really the same cheeky laid-back student I used to
go out with? We saw each other for about a year, knew each other for a
couple of years beforehand in our student holiday job. I am amazed he
has metamorphosed into a podgy businessman in a navy blue suit and the
financial section of The Times. How on earth did that happen?

He leans forward while he is talking. As I get out my book and pretend
to read I notice the blond hairs on the back of his neck. Whoooaa. I
realise that I know EXACTLY how that hair would feel if I touched it.
Absolutely baby soft. It all comes back to me. The rest of the train is
bored and silent, oblivious to my internal trauma.

What is weirder is that he's talking to this lady opposite him. They
are chatting about his life, his holidays. I am finding out a complete
update about him without us having a conversation. I am a fly on the
wall except I'm not on the wall, I am squashed all too obviously into
his podgy suit-trousered leg. Shit.

Should I turn and say "hello"? But it's been years with no contact, and
we're sitting so close we'd be about an inch away from each other's
noses. How weird would that be? And there's the lady opposite. Would I
be introduced? How would he do it? Would he say "this is my ex I
haven't seen for years?" Would he go bright red? Would I? Would the
whole of the train listen in? - probably. What's worse is that if I say
hello, I can't just say hello and then read my book. We'd have to talk
politely until the train reaches Waterloo. That's a full 25 mins away.
And everyone would listen. Oops.

The minutes pass slowly. I grow ever more uncomfortable. I should have
said something when I first realised. It's far too late now. I'm
conscious I wear glasses these days, I'm older and my hair is shorter.
He may not think I'm attractive any more. He may congratulate himself
on his lucky escape. Do I care? For my pride I do. I wish I was looking
stunning and had washed my hair and didn't have that spot coming. Oh
why today? oh why me? oh how ridiculous I feel.

The train pulls in to its destination. The lady he was chatting to says
bye and nips off quickly. He is slower. I make sure I am even slower.
In the crowd he turns to go down to the tube and somehow we end up
facing each other for a moment in the sea of faces. I'm sure there is a
hint of recognition in his face. Is this the first time he has noticed
it is ME? I turn away and go to work as usual. Completely rattled.
Wondering if I should have gone back and said something. Never seen him
since. Weird.