Only Time Would Tell

She let her head fall to one side and closed her eyes. He was saying
something to her but she couldn't hear him anymore. She lay very silent
and still, waiting for him to finish. The girl didn't have the strength
to protest, she didn't have the energy left within herself to push him
off. All she could do was lay there and wait. He kept talking, making
sounds. She couldn't hear him, she couldn't even think. All she could
do was wait for it to be over.
After he finished he got off of her and pulled up his pants. He made
some comment about why she shouldn't lead him on as he left their
bedroom. She retreived her underwear from the floor and climbed under
the covers. The girl pretended to sleep as he climbed into bed minutes
later. She lay awake for hours watching the shadows cast by the
streetlight, listening to him snore.


* * *


She stood in her teddybear pajamas, poised by the toaster.
She waited for the shower to stop before she pressed the lever. He
liked his toast hot when he sat down for breakfast. The bathroom door
opened as she poured his coffee, the bedroom door closed as she added
his milk and sugar. She set the milk by his cereal, not dearing to add
that for him. He hated his cereal mushy. She was poised again by the
toaster, waiting for the bedroom door to open. She was waiting for him
to come out before she took his toast from the toaster. He liked his
toast hot when he sat down for breakfast.
Many minutes later he came out. He went to the bookshelf and grabbed
some of his schoolbooks. He brushed by the perfectly set breakfast
table and the hot toast. He gulped some coffee and grabbed his keys
from the tray by the door. Something in her eyes must have showed her
dissapointment because as he left he screamed about being late to
class. He slammed the door as he left. The mirror over the couch
rattled.
She rested her body against the door and closed her eyes. When the
girl opened her eyes she saw her cold oatmeal and warm grapefruit,
prepared long before his breakfast. She closed her eyes again and
waited a few moments. Then she too brushed by the perfectly set
breakfast table and went to take her shower.


* * *


She could see something at their doorstep as she entered the
hallway. She ran up the stairs leading to their apartment and saw a
note on the mat. It instructed her to go inside. She turned the key in
the deadbolt and saw another note on the table, this time accomponied
by a single red rose. The note





requested she follow the rose petals, which headed towards
the bedroom. The
girl did and found on their bed her favorite teddybear. He was holding
a card, candy, and a bouquet of roses. She closed her eyes and smiled
to herself, remembering why she had fallen in love with him.
As she sat on the bed reading the card and opening the candy he watched
from the doorway. He smiled as he pulled the door closed behind him.
She could hear the mirrior over the couch rattle on the other side of
the wall. They exchanged Valentine's wishes as he switched off the
light by the bed.



* * *


The clock by the girl's bed read 3:04am. She had not gotten
one bit of rest that night. She tried to close her eyes and sleep but
everytime she did she jerked them open again. All she could imagine was
him comming in the bedroom and killing her. What if she'd pushed him
too far tonight? What if he'd finially snapped, what if he really lost
it? She hugged her teddybear tighter to her chest and listened to every
sound, praying it wasn't him rising from where he lay on the couch to
come and kill her.
She thought back to earlier that night. They'd fought about something,
she'd done something wrong when he came home from work. He screamed at
her. He called her disgusting vulgar names and told her she was fat. He
reminded her that she had no friends and that her family didn't love
her anymore. She knew that he was the only one that could stand her
anymore. She knew she shouldn't push him, or else he might leave her.
Then she'd be alone, then she'd really have no one.
Still she shouted back at him through her tears. She knew he was right
when he told her no one could ever love her but him, but she had yelled
back that night. He grabbed her by both wrists and shoved her into the
wall. She felt the mirror rattle over the couch. She hoped it wouldn't
fall and shatter, not tonight she prayed. He held her there, pinned to
the wall with no way to escape. He put his face right up to hers and
said more vulgar things. When he was done making his piont he threw her
into the couch.
That was hours ago and she still lay awake. She continued to lay
there, awake and unable to think, until the stars began to dissapear.
She watched light overtake the darkness in the bedroom; she watched
shadows form and then melt away. She knew she was awake and alive, but
the girl didn't know much else.
She heard him go into the bathroom and get in the shower. The girl
pretended to sleep when he came in to get dressed. After she heard the
apartment door close she rose and went to the window. She stood where
she knew he coulnd't see her and watched him drive away. The girl
walked to the front door and checked the lock. Then she dragged herself
back to bed and slept






for two hours and ten minutes before she herself had to shower and
leave for class.


* * *


The mirror rattled and then fell, rolling off the couch below
and falling to the floor. It shattered into a few big pieces and
splintered into a million slivers.
They both stood frozen in place where they stood by the door. Her left
hand was on the knob, her right hand on his chest in an attempt to keep
him back. His left hand held the back of her shirt, his right hand was
suspended in mid-air back behind his body; fist clenched and ready to
strike. They stood frozen like that for a few moments, staring in
disbeleif at the fallen mirror.
He released her shirt and lowered his arm. She let her fingers fall
from the knob and her arm fell to her side. They stood there silent.
She leaned back against the door and sank to the floor. The girl felt
something inside give; she felt an odd release. She began to cry and
she couldn't stop. She couldn't close her eyes, not anymore. She wept
unashamedly on the floor. Her whole body rattled, just as the mirror
had.
Finially though, they had both fallen and shattered as they hit the
bottom. They had both been broken and left in pieces and splinters on
the floor. The mirror could be easily swept up and replaced. The girl
could not.


* * *


The girl looked at her half-packed living room. Boxes here,
empty shelves and bookcases there. His dresser stood near the door,
drawers empty and removed, sitting on the floor besides it. She
surveyed the room one last time, double-checking that all of his things
were packed. She walked through the rest of the apartment doing the
same. As she returned to the living room someone buzzed at the door.
She went to the window and checked before letting him up. It was him;
he had come to get his things. He was moving out and it was finially
over.


* * *


She sat straight up in bed. She sat silently, listening. Had
she heard something? She could almost swear she heard a key in the
lock, someone in the apartment. She layed back down, waiting. She was
still and silent for a long time, just waiting. Finially, after a long
time of monitoring the now silent apartment, she rose from bed. She
went to the window and looked out on the parking lot.
His car wasn't there. He wasn't in the apartment. He hadn't come to
hurt








her tonight. He hadn't come to pay her back for insisting
that he move out. She
went out to the front door and re-checked the lock. The girl forced
herself back to bed. She repeated to herself that she was safe now and
he couldn't hurt her anymore. He had moved out and she was safe, but
would the fear ever end?


* * *


The girl slowly opened her eyes. She realized that her feet
were cold as she turned to look at the clock by her bed. Saturday, she
thought to herself with a smile. She pulled the warm covers tight
around herself and curled her cold feet as close to the rest of her
body as she could. It occurred to her that she could
stay in bed longer, but she quickly remembered all the things she had
to do that day.
She had three papers, one project, and two assignments to do before the
rappidly approaching Thanksgiving break. Today she had to attend her
little brother's last high school football game held at their home
field. Then later her and her mother were going to a family birthday
party. She sighed and realized that by that piont, she'd probably be
ready for a nap. But there would be no time for naps today, as after
the party her and some friends were checking out a new comedy club
downtown. Another busy day she thought to herself.
She closed her eyes again and saw the familiar image. It was amazing
how every so often, seemingly out of no where, she would close her eyes
and there is would be. She would flashback to the old apartment, to her
old life. She would have a flashbulb memory of some horrible incident,
some painful moment in time. Then, as quick as it had come, it would be
gone. She'd open her eyes and be on to something else, some other
thought about lunch or school or picking up milk on her way home.
This time though, on this Saturday morning, laying in her cozy bed she
did not let it pass so easily. She began to remember all the fear,
terror and torment she had faced. She remembered how she used to feel,
and how she used to think. But more than anything she wondered. The
girl wondered why, in the midst of her now healthy and quite busy
college-girl life, she couldn't forget. Why when she closed her eyes
could she still recall his face while he forced himself on her? Why did
she remember that he likes his toast hot and his cereal crunchy? Why
was she torturing herself like this so long after the fact? Most
importantly though, the girl wondered if a day would ever come when the
thoughts, images and memories would stop. Would she ever be a normal
person again? As she rose from bed, she knew the answer. Only time
would tell.