Orion

I stooped down to pick up the starfish that had crawled up my foot
and throw it back to the lulling sea. Just goes to show how long I've
stood still while the waves of the sea licked my feet. The music that
flowed from my earphones throbbed slowly in my head.

Here comes the cold
Break out the winter clothes
and find a love to call your own?

The evening breeze swept all around me, hugging me, sharing its
coldness. Freezing, even more, my freezing heart, my mind, and my soul.
It seems funny, though, how I can somewhat relate to the song I'm
listening to.

? No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
no one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
making new resolutions a hundred times?

I walked down the beach and kicked the water that lapped at my feet, a
thousand thoughts clouding my clouded mind. Yeah, no one wants to be
alone at Christmas time, that's true. How unlucky of me. This would be
a Christmas I would not readily forget and would easily remember with
the slightest hint. What happened was quite a blur. I didn't, couldn't,
and probably wouldn't want to understand anything at all. All I knew
that my heart was breaking, something that has happened before but not
with the intensity it has right now. This would be the worst Christmas
in the history of my Christmases.

The song I was listening to was coming to an end.

I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day?
? Bye bye baby, bye bye babe?

All I wanted that Christmas was to have her right here, by my side,
exchanging sweet words, giggling, kissing. Having the perfect evening
together.

I walked a few meters away from the sea and then sank down to my knees
and flopped down on the cool sand. I looked up at the vast velvet
blanket of the gods of Greece and Rome. The skies were remarkably
clear, giving me a very clear vision of the constellations that dotted
the heavens. I recognized Orion immediately, with his glittering belt.
I wanted to turn away and find some other more constellations but I
couldn't do anything to the forces that were pushing my memories into
the light.

It was barely just two months ago, on this very same beach only farther
down the coastline. She was lying close beside me pointing to various
constellations that she knew. 'And there is big dipper!' She pointed to
a constellation with three bright stars all lined up. I laughed at her
mistake, the same one I had when I was stargazing with my cousin eons
ago. She looked at me with her bright eyes and pinched my arm
playfully, 'What?'

'That's the big dipper.' I took her hand and pointed it to the real big
dipper. I looked at her face and saw that it lit up as understanding
dawned on her. 'Oh,' she whispered, 'So, what's that?' She pointed back
to the Tres Marias.

'Honey, that's the belt of Orion.'
I took her hand again and together we traced the outline of Orion, his
head, the hand holding a sword, and all the way to his feet. She was
giggling softly all the time we were tracing Orion. 'How stupid of me!'
She said as we finished tracing.

'Yeah,' I said, playfully pinching her nose at the same time, 'Very
stupid.'

She put on her you-made-me-angry-now-I'm-going-to-kill-you look and
wrestled with me. We rolled all around the soft sand for a while until
I pinned her underneath me. I held on to her wrists and kept them on
the sand. The both of us were laughing our hearts out. After that
hearty laugh, I was still on top of her, pinning her to the ground. She
didn't resist, even a bit. I dipped my face and gave her a kiss that
came from the bottom of my warm heart. She responded with her soft
lips. Out of the respect I have for all women, I broke the kiss and lay
beside her. She snuggled closer to me and wrapped her arm around me.
Even though that night was cold, we found ourselves to be warm and we
slept on the beach the whole night. We really, truly, loved each
other.

That was barely two months ago, before her leukemia broke out and
started to get a hold of her fragile body and death slowly sucking the
life out of her. I was there the whole time, watching her fight for her
life in the ICU. It was so hard for me to just look in the window and
stare at her, with all the wires and tubes attached to her body. One
could hardly believe that this girl was so full of life just a few
weeks ago. I would enter her room sometimes, when the doctor allowed me
to. I had to scrub before going in and when I did get to her bedside, I
would almost cry. I would hold her hand with my gloved ones during the
thirty minutes allotted to me. And then I would talk to her, like any
normal day, like she would answer back.

The last time I saw her alive, she barely looked like the love I had
running around with me, fooling around, messing around? Her hair was
almost gone from all the chemotherapies she had. Her skin was a shade
of sickly white with bruises all over. I held her hand and spoke to her
like all the other times. But this time, her hand moved slightly to
grasp mine. I couldn't speak. Her eyes fluttered a bit and then her
hand moved. She closed her hand except the index finger. One. Then she
extended the rest, except her thumb. Four. Then she curled up her
pinky. Three.

'I love you too, so much!' was all I could say to her. A tear made its
way down my cheek. She wiped it with her quivering hand. I took her
hand and kissed it. Moments later, the doctor asked me to leave. I
reluctantly did.

I received a call from her mother the next morning.

'Tim, it's Gwen, she's?. she's?.' Gwen's mother cried.

'Remember Orion my baby,' Gwen told me as she held my hand while we
walked down the beach, 'whenever we are apart, just look up at him and
remember that I'm also looking up at the same stars. I love you Tim,
I'll never forget you.' She let go of my hand and slowly faded
away.

I woke up on the beach shouting her name.

I looked up at Orion.