Respect for one another

Respect for one another

Respect is very much talked about, especially when people think they
are not getting enough of it. People crave it, demand it and put up all
sort of pretences to acquire it. Respect is demonstrated by what people
do what they don't do, what they say or what they don't say.

Sometimes people try to fake respect, but genuine respect is a matter
of conscience and attitude. Respect should have reason but not a
motive. If respect has a motive then it is flattery and deceit.

I think there are five kinds of respect. All of them are not
necessarily conferred in equal degrees, at the same time, and they are
seldom mutual.

1. Recognition of humanity
2. Recognition of ability
3. Recognition of individuality
4. Recognition of leadership
5. Recognition of seniority

In our day-to-day interaction with other people these five types of
respect are traded like hard currency. We forgo one in exchange for the
other. Nobody gives without expecting to get something in return.
Conflicts and grievances ensue when we believe that we have been
short-changed or others believe that they have been short-changed by
us.

Recognition of humanity

"I walked away from her feeling like a dog!"

There has to be a form of respect that should be due to everyone simply
by virtue of being a human being just as you are. Everyone needs to be
accorded a certain basic level of respect which if not given they would
be quite right to be genuinely offended. It is quite common for people
to forget altogether that they share the same humanity with others just
because of the situation of compromise that they might find them in.
Those who feel that they are superior to others because of their
wealth, their class or other attributes of pride and vanity should
beware. Nobody should ever consider, or treat, other people as less
than human.

Recognition of ability

"?After all I'm old enough to be his Dad!"

"I have been in this business long before you were born!"

"There can't possibly be anything that I can learn from that uncultured
peasant!"

Superior ability is usually obvious and in many cases respect is given
without rancour. If someone is better at doing something than you are
then naturally you are likely to acknowledge the fact in your relations
with that person, when you are involved in that particular area of his
expertise. This respect is, of course not guaranteed. Envy, Pride or
other such sentiments may prevent people from acknowledging somebody
else's superiority in an area of endeavour.

Recognition of individuality

"If you are not for us then you must be against us?"

"Familarity breeds contempt"

This kind of respect is one that has probably been the most abused, the
most misunderstood and the most taken for granted. It is important to
recognise that people are entitled to their opinion and right to grant
or refuse any request. They are entitled the opportunity to consider
whether an action is in their personal interest or not, before that
action is taken on their behalf.

When you become angry because somebody refuses to agree with you on a
matter of opinion you are denying that person respect on the basis of
his/her individuality. When you approach somebody with a request, idea
or advise with the preconception or expectation that that person is
bound to take it then you are being disrespectful to that person.

Sometimes people think that they are empowered to override other
peoples right of individuality. But nobody should be any more entitled
to keep his ideas, opinions and beliefs than anybody else should.

The respect for individuality tends to suffer more with increased
familiarity unless the parties involved have a good understanding of
human nature in general and of each other in particular.

Recognition of leadership

"Who does he think he is anyway?"

I don't see how any kind of team can be really successful without a
leader. In fact I am convinced that leadership is vital to the survival
of any kind of team. Unfortunately many people fail to realise that
they are in a team and they fail to acknowledge the leadership of that
team. A team is a group of two or more individuals brought together by
activities towards a common purpose. Unfortunately in most case
membership and indeed leadership of a team is not by choice. Most human
activities that are carried out by more than one person, over a long
period, have to be a kind of teamwork. At work, at home, at school, at
play, in a religious gathering etc.

One way or the other it falls on someone (or a group of people) to take
a leading role in co-ordinating the activities of the team. If the
leadership is not fully acknowledged then that leader can not do
his/her work and the success of the team is very unlikely. Any action
(or inaction) that a member of the team takes which delibrately
undermines the leader is not only disrespect to the leadership but a
drawback for the team.

It is part of the responsibility of members of the team to encourage
their leader by demonstrating respect in the way that is recognised by
the culture of the team. It is part of the responsibility of the leader
to command the respect that is required for his position.

It is possible for the leader to be guilty of disrespect for his/her
own position just as a member of the team may be guilty of
disrespecting the leader.

Many leaders often make the mistake of confusing the respect that they
get by virtue of their position for something else. It is also a common
foible of human nature for a leader to abuse the privileges of his
position. When a person abuses his position of leadership he/she is
showing disrespect for the rest of the team.

Recognition of seniority

"The young should remember that they will one day be the old?"

In most cultures and religions a certain amount of respect is automatic
for people who are older than one. The same applies to one's parents.
This respect is not normally denied but in very rare cases it is not
necessarily guaranteed.

Respect for seniority is a good idea for society and may form part of
the basis for law and order. I think it is a healthy thing to value the
wisdom and experience of those people who have lived and studied in
this University of Life longer than we have.