Salvation

Daniel sat in a non-descript cafe in the old part of town, his face
pressed up close to the glass while he watched the chaos on the other
side. Outside the wind blew, picking up newspapers, discarded in the
gutters, and flung them against windows, slapping print against the
glass. People passed by, bent double, pressing themselves onwards,
coats wrapped tight around their torsos. Rain, driven crazy by wind,
battered down on cold concrete, forming puddles, rivers than ran the
lengths of the gutter, to drain into the already swelling sewers. It
thundered on the window like rapid machine gun fire, interrupted only
by the swirling wind. Benny's Place, the sign outside read. Inside,
Benny was as non-descript as his cafe. But he liked it here. It was a
place to blend in, a place to disappear.
He turned his eyes from outside, and looked down at his coffee. He
watched the white flotsam spin clockwise. Stale milk he knew he
shouldn't drink but would. On the tabletop where crumbs of his
discarded Danish pastry, which he rolled them under his finger, forming
a ball, then flicked, watching it bounce on the next table, before
falling out of sight beyond. He rubbed his finger across the white
Formica tabletop, still wet with cleaning fluids, residue deposited by
the dirty rag waitress used, and traced his initials.
He picked up a newspaper, left by some previous customer, and opened
it out on the tabletop in front of him. His eyes moved over the print,
only really taking in the headlines, the blurred black and white
pictures. He was passing time, waiting.

Emily entered the cafe. She paused in the doorway, scanning the room.
Spotting Daniel, she slowly made her way across toward him. Her walk,
more of a shuffle, seemed disjointed in the chaotic buzz of the cafe.
She seemed downbeat, world-weary. She stopped in front of him, and cast
him a small smile.
"Emily, hello" he said, by way of a greeting.
Emily sat down on the seat in front of him, hung her head, and looked
at the table in front her. She placed her hands on the tabletop, and
spread her fingers as wide as they would go, making the tips of her
thumbs touch. She continued to stare at her hands for some minutes. He
watched her, his eyes following the contours of her face. He paused,
then reached out, and with his fingertips, gently stroked her hair, the
side of her face. He smiled softly to himself. The general murmur of
the cafe seems to disappear to him as he studied her face.

A man on an adjoining table rose quickly, his chair squealing on the
linolelium. Emily snapped her head round. "I'm sorry I'm late," she
murmured, turning her eyes back to her hands.
"Uh?" He pulled his hand back from her face, and sat back in his
chair.
"I said, sorry I'm late."
"Yeah, right. I've been waiting a long time."
"I met some people. I... well... got tied up with them. Couldn't be
helped."
"Anyone I should know about."
"No, not really. Well, maybe you could meet them at some point.
They're nobody special. Not important. But you could meet them if you
liked."
"Their names, please."
"That's not necessary for you to know. Let's call them Terry and
June."
"Like the TV show?"
"Yeah, like the TV show." Emily looked down at the tabletop, her eyes
caught by the harsh strip light reflected on the wet surface. She
traced her initials in the wetness next to his. He watched her. The
moments passed.
He asked, "What now?"
"Can I tell you a story? It's not long. I won't bore you. Many years
ago there was a young girl, her name unimportant. Now, this girl wasn't
really liked. She had few friends. A loner. In fact, she was sure that
even her parents didn't really like her. It was nothing they said. They
were kind, loving people. But behind their words she knew she could
detect a feeling of distance from her. She pretended not to care. Why
should she? Why feel hurt when it's only yourself that it affects. But
anyway, this girl passed through her formative years in isolation. She
worked hard at school, read, and visited the cinema alone. She tried to
kid herself that she was happy. And for a time she believed it. She
didn't want anybody in her life. She didn't need anybody. She was queen
of her own world. Why let anyone in and take over? But, of course, the
pretence couldn't last. It never does, does it?
"She broke down. A major breakdown. Her parents ignored her, carrying
on as usual. And she forgave them. In her hour of need she turned to
them, and they said nothing. And she could see it from their side and
didn't trouble them again. Having no real friends to turn to she
bottled it all up. Even at that time she knew that she shouldn't. But
who could she turn to? Who was there? Nobody, that's who.
"Then two people entered her life. They seemed like the most innocent
of couples. Quiet, laidback types, you know? And maybe because of this
they were able to see past everything that every other person she had
ever met had found fault with. They took her to their bosom and never
let her go. I mean, they were there for her at every turn, every time
she took bad. And they never, ever, faulted in their belief in her.
They became the parents she had never had." She paused, looking around
the cafe at the nameless faces. "Can you understand what I'm getting
at?"
Daniel nodded. He stared into her eyes, watching. Waiting for her next
emotion to come through.
"I can never thank them enough for what they have done for me. I love
them. I love them more than I could ever love myself. I owe my soul to
them."
"So, what are you telling me?"
Emily looked away. Head bowed, she said, "I have to go with them. I'm
sorry, but they need me."
He continued looking at the top of her head, his stare unbroken. He
remained silent for some minutes. The fragmented conversations from
other tables overlapped his thoughts. Neither of them wanted to be
there anymore. "So" is all he could say
"I'm sorry," repeated Emily.
"How long will you be gone?"
"Not long."
"So, you come to my salvation and then you leave me. I thought, maybe,
I could rely on you. I'm lost and alone too. Just like the girl in your
story. But where's my angels? Where's my light in the dark?"
"Try to understand. I have to go. I'll be back, I swear. It's just for
a small period of time."

Daniel crossed his arms and looked out of the window. Outside the
light was starting to fade, a hazy evening evolving. He turned back to
Emily. He decided against speaking for now. He felt his look said what
was needed. He knew she had to go. And he also knew she would be back
as she promised. It was the time in between he was having problems
coming to terms with.
"How will you find me when you return? Maybe I'll have moved," he
said.
"Don't worry, I will."
"The city is a big place. I'll be lost in the masses."
"Don't worry."
She stood and prepared to leave. He looked up at her, and felt sadness
move through him. She looked at him and smiled.
"Don't worry. You were okay before we met, and you'll be okay while I'm
gone too," she said as she turned and walked away.
He watched her leave, hoping that she would turn around one last time.
One more look at her face, her eyes, would be enough, he told himself.
But she remained focused ahead, disappearing into the rain, becoming
one more grey figure amongst the battered crowd.
Alone now, he felt like he did in his past life, the life before he
met her. Why had she come into his life, he thought, only to leave him
when he needed her most? He shook his head, weary now. He realised he
still didn't know who she really was.