Shattered Lives

Beth looked up at the kitchen clock. "It's 8:00 kids, snap it up.
The bus will be here any minute."

"Where's my book bag?" Kyle yelled from the family room. At 14, Kyle
was already 5'11 and the image of his father. He was her eldest, a mass
of raging hormones and energy.

"Where you left it, in the Den." Beth said.

Of all her children, he was the one having the most difficulty coping
with the separation between their father and her. It had been 3 years
since the kid's started to spend time with their father separately. She
knew they all missed him and she had spent many sleepless nights
worrying about it. Despite everything, John was a good father and still
is. Over the years, she had learned to hide her hurt and anguish from
her children, at least, most of the time.

Beth remembered when Kyle crept out of his room and found her crying as
she sat curled up in an easy chair unable to concentrate on the
television program. He asked her what was wrong. Beth quickly said she
was watching a tearjerker on t.v. This was the first time any of her
kids saw her cry.

"Why are you still mad at Daddy?" He had said.

She felt a surge of anger at being the one to explain everything to the
kids, but John blamed her for the break-up because she was the one who
wanted to leave the marriage, not him. She explained that she wasn't
angry with anybody, that sometimes things just don't work out all the
time.

She thought she should tell him that it was possible that things will
never be like they were. They had just moved in to a great rented house
in a nice quiet country town and she started to think in terms of
herself and her children, without the marriage.

"Honey, I'm.." She started.

"Dad say's that you're just being stubborn, that you're just trying to
teach him a lesson." Kyle said." "He say's that's why you keep pulling
him into court because you don't want him to be with us." Kyle
continued.

Beth sensed that she would not be able to talk to him about anything in
this state.

"Kyle, It's late and it's been a long day with the move. "I know
everything is upside down right now but we all need a good nights
sleep. We'll talk about it tomorrow." She said. She didn't miss the
flash of anger crossing his face as he ran to his room.

"I don't need this." She thought as she burst into a new set of
tears.

The school bus sounded bringing Beth out of her reverie. Kyle, Jason
and Molly the 11 year- old twins, and Matthew the 8- year old, were all
scrambling towards the school bus. Beth was amazed they can move so
fast to get to the bus but move at a snail's pace preparing for
it!

She looked at the clock and decided that she had time for a cup of
coffee. Nathan, the youngest at 3 ? was dressed and watching cartoons
in the Den. She would drop him off at Day Care on her way to work. She
sat down at the kitchen table and took a deep breath.

A lot of changes have taken place as she sat remembering the past 3
years. It was 3 years since she left her husband John, a police officer
in New York City, 60 miles away. They had grown up together and were
high school sweethearts. She couldn't remember a time that she didn't
think about being John's wife.

After high school, John entered the Police Academy. Beth took a job as
a medical secretary for a local clinic. They planned on a wedding after
he completed his training.
Both decided to have lots of kids. They were very happy at first. When
Kyle and the twins had been born, Beth made the decision to stay home.
Perhaps she will get a part time job when they were a little
older.

She started to notice a change in John after 4 or 5 years of marriage.
He was often upset and anxious when he came home, even after he got off
the midnight shift.

Beth thought that was part of the job of a police officer. They deal
with people that most people never need to deal with in their lives.
Pulling over a car for a traffic violation could get a cop killed. At
least, that was what the Police family liaison had told her and she
thought it was valid.

It relieved her somewhat as she thought it had something to do with her
but it had angered John. He had felt that it was dirty linen and she
had no business discussing this with anybody at his work, much less a
counselor. He just never seemed to pay much attention to her anymore
except in anger and never confiding in her. He had started sleeping
with his gun under his pillow and he just clamed up. She had decided to
become more patient with him and try to make at least his home life,
easy and enjoyable for him.

"That worked for awhile." Beth said out loud. Yes, it did work for
about 2 years. She went back to work part time. She was able to work
out a baby -sitting schedule with her parents who loved spending time
with their grandchildren. She would pick them up after work, take them
home and get them settled then would start on dinner.

She thought she had worked it all out, that she was organized and
systematic in keeping things running smoothly and bringing extra money
into the house. She was dead tired at night but it was a nice tired.
She felt she had accomplished being a working woman, a good wife and a
good mother always making sure she and John (when he was there) had
time to play with the kids before their bed time. Then she found she
was pregnant again and would need to stop work.

Once she remembered, John was working the day shift and would be home
at 5. She managed to get off a little early to do some special shopping
for a nice dinner. She wanted to surprise John because he had worked
two double shifts that week and she wanted to let him know she missed
and appreciated him.

Beth smiled to herself as she remembered John coming home, kid's at the
grandparents, candles on the table, jazz coming from the CD player and
dinner burning as they languished in bed. She was walking on air for a
week.

"There were a few good times, times when my heart would ache with the
love I felt for him." She said into her half-finished coffee.

There were often bad times as well, especially when John's anger would
be unleashed on her. John was always very careful when the kid's were
near. If yelling, he would lower his voice and be very sweet, until the
kids were out of sight and ear shot. He would hit her where any marks
would be covered with clothing and never in the face. He would use his
service weapon to scare her, putting it up against his head or hers.
Beth felt a shiver down her spine and anxiety rising in the pit of her
stomach.

Tonight she would see John and tell him she wants to end this and go on
with her life. She knows that she will be up against his anger and
hurt. He had insisted that he had changed and wanted his wife and
family back.

The first two years of the separation, she lived with her parents where
she was able to get a nursing degree. She had concentrated on her
husband's career and caring for her children that a career for herself
didn't cross her mind, until the separation.

Her parents had been urging her to leave for years before it finally
did cross her mind. It just didn't seem right to her. She valued
marriage and saw what divorce did to children who often found
themselves in the middle. This decision was a long time coming
involving a lot of wavering back and forth and guilt. But she had made
it and it felt like a ton of bricks were removed from her shoulders.
Then there was Michael.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Beth jumped, spilling what was left in her
coffee cup. She took a quick look at the clock. 8:30!

"Hello." She said picking up the phone.

"Hi, kids get off O.K.?" Michael said.

"Yes, slowly as usual. I'll have to hustle to get to work on time.
What's up?"

"I thought I'd take you and the kids out to dinner tonight, you could
use a break." Michael said.

"I think I want to talk with John tonight. You were right, I need to
get on with it so I've decided to tell him that I will be filing for
divorce." Beth told him.

"I know you said you wanted time, but I hope you do know how I feel
about you and the kids." Michael said. "Are you sure you want to do
this by yourself?"

"You're not pushing me into anything. You just helped me make my mind
up. This would have happened sooner or later and I'd rather it be
sooner while I'm still young and strong enough to handle it." Beth
explained.

"I'm not sure you should be doing this alone Beth." Michael said with
concern.

Beth thought a minute then said, "I think I can handle it. You know how
he is if he sees you around and he won't be in a mood to talk if
someone else is here."

"Well, I'll be right next door if you need me." Michael said. "I'll
take you guys out tomorrow, how's that?"

"Sure, and thanks. I don't know what I would have done without you and
you should know how I feel about you too. It's been so long since I was
able to trust anyone again and you've been great with the kids." Beth
said.

"Except for Kyle but ditto to you and I'll see you tomorrow night."
Michael said.

"He'll come around. John's been filling his head telling him that it's
your fault that we never got back together and stuff like that. I've
tried to talk with him, but it's going to take awhile. Once Kyle knows
that we are divorcing, he'll finally realize that we don't plan on
getting back together as a family. He's still very young and idolizes
his father."
Beth said.

"I know and I'll try a little harder to be patient with him. Just make
sure you let me know if you have any trouble with him tonight." Michael
said.

"I will most certainly let you know Mike, you know that." Beth said has
she rang off.

Beth walked towards the Den and yelled, "Turn off the television Nate,
It's time to go."
She stayed to listen and heard him turn the t.v. off. She returned to
the kitchen to retrieve her car keys lying on the counter.

"Are we gonna go with Daddy tomorrow?" Nate asked.

Beth thought for a moment, then said. "No, that will be next week-end.
Daddy has to work this weekend. Maybe we will do something with
Michael. He's teaching you how to fish isn't he?"

"Yea." Nate said. "But he keeps making me put 'em back in the
water."

Beth laughed and said, " But they are probably too tiny to keep and
eat." She explained.

"But I wanna put it on my wall." He said.

Beth remembered the giant swordfish Mike caught on a deep sea-fishing
trip he went on last summer, before they met and had it mounted.

"Maybe one day Mike will take you deep sea fishing and let you catch
your own big fish. Then you can put it on your wall." Beth said.

"Yea, goodie." Nate answered as they went out the door.

Beth dropped Nate at the Day Care center and started for work. She
glanced at her watch. It was creeping towards 9 o'clock but she'll make
it on time she thought. Besides, the Head Nurse has children too and is
sympathetic if she is late. She hated to miss the nursing staff
meetings in the morning that updated information about patients from
the day and night before.

Beth started thinking about the evening ahead of her. "It's not going
to be pleasant." She whispered to herself. Mike would just make things
worse though. He understood what she had gone through and even
witnessed a yelling match between her and John.

It was obvious that John felt threatened and jealous. She had not
intended to get involved in another relationship. She always thought
that would be difficult with 5 kids anyway so she just pushed the idea
out of her mind.

She met Mike in her backyard as he lives next door with his dog, a
cross between a German Shepherd and Black Lab named Jasper. He too had
recently gone through a bitter divorce.

She had been out in her back yard planting flowers around the fence.
Mike struck up a conversation and they became friends. He was very much
into nature and loved to camp out in the woods on weekends and fish.
She found out that he was a carpenter and wood working as well as tying
flies for fishing were two of his main hobbies. He attempted to teach
Kyle how to fly fish but Kyle didn't seem to be too interested. Matthew
was and Molly and Jason were fascinated and he often took them fishing
with Nate tagging along. It usually turned out to be a day in the woods
complete with a picnic lunch. She felt that Mike was a lifesaver. He
handled kids with ease.

He also had a son, whom he had not seen in years as his mom lived a
thousand miles away and had custody. He did talk often on the phone
with his son and had come for visits. She knew he missed him and had
wished he had gotten to see him as he was growing up.

Once, Mike was in the house with her and the kids watching videos. John
stopped over unexpectedly. Beth had answered the door and John was
standing there. She asked him what he wanted. He said he just wanted to
talk about the latest in the visitation agreements. He walked into the
house and heard laughter coming from the Den. One of them was an adult
male.

"Who's here?" He had asked.

"A friend of mine." She replied.

John walked over to the door of the Den and saw Mike and just smiled.
He turned to Beth, grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the
kitchen.

"So that's it." He said. "You found someone else. Fine, just make sure
he stays away from my kids."

"They're my kid's too and you don't tell me what I can and can not do."
She said.

"We'll see about that. Keep him away from my kids." He said as he
bolted out the door.
Again Beth felt a shiver and visibly started to shake.

"Good grief, I think I'm more worried about tonight than I thought?"
She thought to herself. Just then, the clinic came into view and she
pulled in, parked and put her nursing cap on using the rear view
mirror.
"Ready to face the day." She mumbled as she walked into the
clinic.

Kyle was having trouble concentrating on his Math book in school. He
was worried about his parents. His father told him to be careful with
Mike because his mom may try to take off with him and his brothers and
sister. This had prayed on his mind. He liked his school and had made a
lot of friends. He didn't want to move anywhere. Last year, moving into
the house was enough.

He had been watchful and didn't see any signs of moving. There was a
time 3 weeks ago though when he saw his mom packing his and his
siblings clothes into their suitcase and she was packing too. It ended
up being a camping trip upstate with Mike. He didn't really have much
of a good time. Mike tried to teach him to fly fish but he couldn't get
too friendly with him. He was nice enough, but he couldn't tell what he
and his mom are planning in the future. Besides, Dad didn't like him
and that was good enough for him.

John was in court waiting to testify. His mind was on his wife. When
Beth called him to come over tonight because she needed to talk with
him about a few things, his anxiety level went into overdrive. They had
never really talked about divorce. Beth said she needed time to think.
"It's been 3 years, how long does it take?" He whispered to
himself.

He knew in his heart that she wanted to talk about a divorce. She had
gone on without him, getting a nursing degree, renting the house and
seemed to be doing very well on her own. This bothered him. He always
felt that women should be protected that they shouldn't need to work.
Kids need so much watching these days, probably always did. In today's
world where kids are killing kids, getting into trouble and both
parents concerned with careers the kids these days are being neglected.
That's why someone needs to be home when you have kids. He did the best
he could, but seeing them every other weekend is rough. They are his
kids and he needs permission from his wife to see them plus being on a
time limit. He had tried to go through the courts but to no avail. They
are predisposed to the mother anyway; he had seen it all too
often.

He always thought that was what Beth wanted. She blamed his job for
his behavior. Yes, he was high strung but that does come with the
territory and she should understand that. He thought about the last
time he hit her when she had raged at him. It had taken him totally by
surprise. She said that this would be the last time he hit her then
called her parents and took off with the kids. It's been 3 years and
she still refuses to come back. No amount of apologies or flowers
helped. Mike being in the picture now will not help the situation
either.

"He is trying to alienate my kids against me." He thought as he worried
that their relationship might escalate. That bothered him too. After
all this time, there had never been anyone else in the picture either
on his side or hers. This was different. Mike lives next door and is
always there from what he has heard.

Mike was hammering yet another board into the main frame of the house.
He enjoyed doing this. One day a week he volunteered for Habitat for
Humanity and was working on one of their local projects. His job was
slow this week and he was able to spend this Friday working for a
charity. He knew his boss wouldn't mind. He was the boss.

His mind was on Beth though. She was going to talk to John about a
divorce. They had discussed this among themselves. He told her it was
up to her and he would help anyway he can. Of course he felt he had a
vested interest in her divorce. For the last month he was seriously
thinking about a permanent situation with her. He loved the kids, even
though he was having trouble convincing Kyle to trust him, the others
seemed to enjoy his company.

"I just don't trust him, he's going to hurt her. I just don't know what
I can do about it without intruding or getting her into more trouble."
He said to himself as he slammed the hammer into the nail.

" I'll sit out in the back yard tonight. If anything happens I should
be able to hear it and stop it before it gets too bad." He thought.
"I've seen him in action and heard him before I even knew who she was."
Yes, he will be near tonight, just in case.

He remembered the first time he met her. She was planting flowers along
the fence that divides their property. He chuckled to himself when he
leaned over the fence and said hello and she jumped back almost
falling. He apologized profusely and introduced himself. Since then
they often met out in the back yard. Soon he got up enough nerve to ask
her and the kids out for dinner.

At first the kids intimidated him but then he got used to them and
actually started to have some fun. His own son was 15 and lived with
his mom out west. He felt guilty for not being around him but at least
once in awhile, his mom allows him to visit for a summer. They had
never married. His son was the result of an affair he had while
stationed at Fort Hood when he was in the Army.

He once thought that maybe he should try to make it work with his son's
mom and paid to have both of them move in with him. That lasted for
about 2 months until her jealousy became insurmountable.

He had been married though, to a woman with a teenage child whom he
became like a father to. He still keeps in touch with her. His marriage
went sour after 10 years when Janet, his wife was caught with someone
else. Fidelity is something that he feels strongly about and was unable
to forgive her. Until Beth, he thought he would be alone forever and
not be able to trust another woman.

Beth left work at 5Pm, her usual time. She wanted to get home, shower
and change before John came over. She had been thinking about this all
day and had the continual anxiety feeling in the pit of her stomach.
This was a turning point, a major change. Although they were separated
for years, divorce is something she tired to avoid.

She had gotten the name of a counselor that worked with kids going
through a divorce. She was thinking about Kyle. He would need
counseling she thought. Someone he can talk with to alleviate the anger
he seemed to be developing. The other kids, well she thought they
should go as well, just in case. They appeared to be handling it fairly
well though and would go by what the counselor says.

She picked up Nate at the day care center and drove home. Kyle was in
the den watching television with the 8 year old and the twins were in
their room listing to CD's.

"Kyle, your father will be over tonight and I want to talk with him in
private. I would like you and your brothers and sister in your room for
awhile. I'll call you when we are ready for you guys O.K.?" She
said.

"He's coming over tonight?" Kyle asked excitedly.

"Yes, but for a few minutes, your father and I need to talk." Beth
reiterated.

"O.K." Kyle said with a shrug.

She set about cooking hamburgers on the grill on the patio, had the
corn on the cob on the stove and had taken out the buns and the potato
salad.

"Kyle, watch the hamburgers and take them off when done. Everything is
on the table." Beth said.

Beth went upstairs to take a quick shower. She changed into a pair of
black slacks and picked a sleeveless white blouse and came down the
stairs into the patio. Kyle had everything set up. She went over to
him, rubbed his head and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thanks, You've been a great help tonight." Beth said proudly.

"Yea, yea" is all Kyle could say.

Dinner was easy to clean up. She used paper plates and most went into
the trash. She washed out the pot and put the Potato salad back into
the refrigerator. It was now close to 7 o'clock.

The door bell rang, and the kids jumped up and scrambled to the
door.

"Remember, your room." Beth whispered to Kyle.

John came into the house with kids attached to him. He was laughing and
hugging his kids while attempting to cross the room. Beth smiled but
felt a twinge of guilt.

"O.K. kids, let your dad and I talk for awhile. Up to your rooms." Beth
said. "I'll call you guys down in a little while."

After a few protests and groans, they went to their rooms. There was an
uncomfortable silence between the two of them. John smiled and gave
Beth a kiss on the cheek.

They went to the kitchen table. Beth got a couple of beers out.

"Well, what do you want to talk about?" He said.

Beth took a deep breath.

"John, I've decided to file for divorce and I wanted to talk to you
about it. There are issues with the kids and stuff we need to discuss."
Beth said.

"A divorce! I thought you said you just need time, what was that all
about besides hedging your bets?" John said.

"What hedging? This can't be much of a surprise to you." Beth
said.

"Are you thinking of marrying Mike?" He asked.

"I'm not thinking about marrying anybody and leave him out of this."
Beth said as she got up from her chair.

John got up and grabbed her arm.

"If you think that Mike is going to have anything, and I mean anything
to do with my kids, think again. I'll fight you for custody." John
announced.

They were shouting at each other now and a couple of bedroom doors were
opened just a tad, in order to hear their parents.

Beth's anger flew to the service with the threat of custody.

"Get your hands off of me. Go ahead, fight for custody. Do you think
with your history of abuse they will give it to you." Beth
yelled.

John slapped her across the face.

Mike had heard the fight and came in through the patio door. Mike
grabbed John's arm and swung him around.

" Deal with my John" Mike said.

John swung at Mike and knocked him backwards into the wall. Mike
started to get up.

Suddenly, a shot rang out and Mike was thrown back against the wall
again. He started to get up and another shot sent him to the floor.
Beth screamed as the kids were running down the stairs. John aimed his
gun at Beth and shot her sending her crashing through the glass coffee
table. Matthew, the 8 year old ran to his mom yelling "Mommy,
mommy"
John shot at Beth again and hit his son, sending him to the
floor.

Kyle came down the stairs and tried to get behind his father to prevent
him from shooting anymore. Before he got to him, John placed the gun to
his temple and pulled the trigger.

Kyle was splattered with his fathers blood. Blood was all over the
floor and walls as he watched his father crumble to the floor.
He stood stock still and started to hyperventilate. He heard sirens
coming from outside and suddenly there were 4 or 5 police standing with
their guns poised in the family room.

One of the police officers went over to Kyle. At first he thought he
had been shot. He shouted to another police officer to call the
para-medics.

"This kid is in shock." He said.

He went to the body nearest Kyle.

"Oh my God, it's John. He's dead." He said.

"So is this one." Another Police officer said as he was checking
Mike.

"The woman and the kid are seriously hurt." Sargent Jackson said.
"Secure the scene and get someone here for crowd control. People are
starting to gather in front."

The para-medics arrived and took Beth, Matthew and Kyle to the hospital
as the police officers waited for the Medical Examiner.

Mike and John were dead. Beth was in the intensive care unit fighting
for her life. Matthew was treated and released into his grandparents
care. Kyle was under observation in the Psychiatric ward. He hadn't
uttered a word since the incident.
Molly and Jason couldn't seem to stop crying.

Neighbors pitched in to help clean the house after the police were
through and collected money in various neighborhood stores to help with
expenses. The grandparents would keep the kids until Beth is well
enough. She had been shot in the back and would need rehab in order for
her to walk again.
Later, she will tell a few of her close friends to help her look for
another house to rent as she could never go back to the one she
had.