Sorry ...... saying and being

I picked it up as a kid.
I used to say sorry
in order to control another person
make sure they were still on my side
even before they considered crossing over
I would say sorry.

I used to say sorry
on the hour
It was the a cry for security
made me need power.

Sorry for trivial things like getting a name wrong
Sorry in advance
"are you sure you still like me?"
Shit I was so quick to say sorry
the other person never got a chance
to forgive me. Finally he never did
forgive me.

Then I met a someone
Mr R U Allright
You'd think I would have been satisfied with that.

However close we came
we remained polite
"I'm sorry"
"Are you all right?"
"Yes I'm sorry"
"That's OK but 'are you all right'
and did you enjoy it
is what I want to know"

The bastard had to go.

Lately I thought about being sorry.
And I realised that in all that time
I had hardly ever known sorry.
And that being sorry can mean something else entirely.

Devoid of guilt
sorry can be an emotion
felt facing emptiness
a dramatic event
which involves
nothing bouncing between blank walls
endlessly.

And now I know I am sorry.
I am truly truly sorry