Storm in a headspace

Storm in a headspace

I wander through the kitchen
I wander down the hall
I wander to the toilet
Don't want to go at all...
So I wander to the bedroom
Stare blankly at my bed
The duvet is all runckled
Reminds me of my head
I start to get all jittery
I start to remonstrate
The arguers with arguments
Not spoken to, to date
I plan with fierce aggression
With biting, caustic wit
Just what I'd like to say and do
And really think I'm it
Then thunder shakes my windows
Reminds me of the day
That bloody stupid, pointless, aimless
Day you passed away
I realise I'm angry
I know it's with the world
Every soul who's ever wronged me
Dredging bitter pain unfurled
I think of Rosie's father
I start to get all cross
I shout through open window
"Your choice, your rules, your loss"
My mind is playing poker
The cards are showing blind
And every shuffle proves to me
That fate is so unkind
I try to think of smiling
I stare into the sun
Then lightning cracks the sky in half
That sun is poking fun
The robin twitters nonsense
The cat lurks by the pond
Awaiting frogs to chance the odds
I'm screaming - "Don't be conned!"
The raindrops, big and heavy
Start thudding on the stones
A crack, followed by rumbling
Just echoing my moans
My face is buried pillowise
The sobbing breaks my heart
My heaving, racking body slows down...
Only to restart
Fury, pain and twisting
Sensleless tears are shed
Splicing, booming, dark skies looming
Grey-green overhead
The downpour of all downpours
The sheets are sopping wet
My clothes feel sticky, mouth feels icky
Eyes as black as jet

The storm has started waning
The floods begin to ebb
The pussy under willow
Chases butterflies instead
The robin twitters sweetly now
As if to call me round
The sun, that sun, peeps out again
Smirking at the ground

My mind begins to wander
A phone begins to ring
A direct line, through untold time
And I can hear you sing
You're telling me to love you
You're saying it's okay
To sob and rant and feel undone
And saying that you'll pray
Blessed are the mourners for
They shall be comforted
It's half past two, and still no you
And I am still in bed
I still have life to wander
A child in time, a kid
And this life carries on
Despite the hours that I've hid
I'll cry a little longer
Indulge me please my due
As cars drive through the residue
So I will steer through you
The moment of their passing
The spray they cast aside
Analogy of you and me
Just time in time and tide
My breathing now is slower
The calm follows the storm
The ticking clock reminds me
That reality is warm
The cosiness of Rosie
You loved, she loves you
Her smallness making commoner sense
Than I could ever do

A greyness now is forming
No boom or bust - just calm
I step into the twilight
Relish in it's balm
My sorrow now is candlelight
Flicking in and out
I can't put right the wrongs of night
So what's to shout about?
The funeral's tomorrow
The last goodbye to say
But memories will live forever
Just another day.