Thoughts (Retrospective)

Thoughts (Retrospective)

The cool night air filtered into the house, recapturing what was left
of the day's warmth. I closed the open doors and assured myself that I
was not locking out the beauty but preserving its magic, by not
allowing too much into my life.

I felt afraid again. Nervous tension filled my body. I wasn't afraid of
life, just the contents; the obstacles that I would have to face. I sat
in my room listening to the sounds of night that danced in on the
breeze through the open window. My lamp emitted a golden glow, but I
stared into the darkness as if it were all there was.

A single star pierced the solemn night sky, and the beauty that it
showed to me is something that I cannot describe. So far away, yet so
near that I could touch it&;#8230;if I tried. I felt that it was
alive, and if I concentrated hard enough I could hear it speak to me.
But it was so far away, lonely in the solitude of space.

I stared at my reflection, and felt it stare back at me. This night
reminded me of France: the soft rumbling of distant traffic; the soft
breeze; and the fresh smell of earth that once gave birth to
life.

I stood on tiptoe, peering out of my window. The silence was punctuated
by the few sounds that dared to be heard. Every new movement, every new
sound alerted me, as if they had a purpose, one that I must discover.
The wind blew onto my face, and I believed that I was the only one that
felt its chill, as if it were calling me. "But for what?" I asked
myself. And I did not answer.