The three stooges (aka the three terrible aunts)

The Three Stooges (AKA the three terrible aunts)

Samuel Greenwood was hardly normal. First and foremost his actual name
was Samuel-Scorpio Sirius Greenwood - but most people didn't know that,
and if he'd had his way no-one ever would - and second was the fact
that he was a Greenwood through and through. The third was that he was
on the roof trying to escape his three aunts, Perpetua, Serena and
Alpheretta. His mother, having given up years of trying to defend him
from his stupid aunts and too tired to do so anyway was currently
sitting in the kitchen with her feet up, enjoying her sisters'
departure.

'SAAAAAM-U-ELLLLL-SCORRRRRP-IIIII-OOOOOOO SIIIIIIRRRRR-IIIIUUUUUSSSS!'
boomed the ever-masculine voice of Aunt Perpetua. All three sisters
were unmarried and, as the only male in their matriach-led family, he
was adored by the very people he wanted to cease to exist. They all
were incredibly large, pompous and rather snobby to anyone but
Greenwoods and highly unattractive, whereas their youngest sister,
Nymphadora was thin, shy and kind - and was also extremely beautiful
and clever and therefore had the illegitemate child, not they, although
they DID like to pick at the fact that Samuel-Scorpio Sirius Greenwood
the First had no proper father the whole time.

They were on another hunt. Their howl was his name and they had even
been known to sniff the air for what Serena liked to call 'A Man's
Aroma'. In truth, they with their masculine voices and moustaches were
closer to being men than Samuel was. He was a short, skinny
bespectacled boy who was desperate to be a man so that he could pound
his three aunts into the ground or at least run incredibly fast away
from them. But until then, he was forced to hide from their
bone-crushing hugs on the roof or in the cupboard under the
stairs.

'We have a surprise for you!' bellowed Alpharetta. On the roof,
staring as the dawn began to erase the stars, Samuel fought hard to
suppress a strong urge to laugh and snort. What surprise would that be?
The same surprise he was subjected to ever morning - three
bone-crushing, suffocating hugs and three slobbery, whiskery kisses? He
felt another urge to let out a hollow laugh. He wasn't falling for that
one again. The roof was hard and cold, but the aunts, who were
incredibly stupid, would never think to look for him there, and even if
they did, they would never fit through the window.