Trying to be me and confident but failing

I'm trying to wake up and feel able,
To keep this confident and feel stable,
Never thought I could have failed,
A million times,
If I'd have realised,
Then I'd have wailed,
Long and hard,
My lungs would have charred,
With the heat of the force,
Probably would have made my parents divorce
Whoops I act so stupid sometimes,
Funny how what I write seems to rhyme,
Sometimes I get so weird...
How come I disappear?
Into this idiot all the time?
Never speaks in English,
All she does is rhyme,
Laughed at,
Doesn't know that,
Thinks she's cool,
But when I'm me,
I can see...
I'm just behaving like a five year old,
How many times have I been told that,
Never once listened,
They were persistent
But I blocked them out,
They knew who I was,
I just sat back,
Relaxed,
Over-confident,
Cocky but shy,
I don't know why,
But even though she never gave a hand to lend,
I think that idiot became my closest to me fried.