Twenty, it just has to be 20, Jeremy

' It just has to be 20, Jeremy'

Addie stared at her computer screen. It was blank.
Well, the page part was. Across the top was the menu stuff with its
list -file, edit, view, insert, right through to help.
She daydreamed that clicking on help would produce a pop up box with
useful hints on how to write an article, how to compose a poem, 20 ways
to write a best seller.
She wrote that up
'20 ways to write a best seller' and then went on to
'20 tips on how to write good sex scenes' and
'20 favourite plot lines'.
"This is good" she thought. "What else?"
'20 ways to waste your time'.
'20 steps to a new lovelier you.'
'20 prayers for Easter Sunday'.
"How did I think of that one?" she said to her screen,
"But while I'm on the subject how about '20 best prayer mats'?"
She was getting silly now, but as she wrote on, adding
' 20 feng shui tips to improve your dog kennel' she realised that this
wasn't too stupid.
Maybe there were a few good article ideas in there, and possibly a
short story, she could feel one coming. No poem though. Not really poem
material. Although she bet that Fish could write one. Or Liana.

"Why 20, Miss Forman?" she asked herself in Jeremy Paxman mode. "When
you decided upon this career of dedicating your writing to the number
20, why did you choose 20?"
"Well you see Jeremy dear, I decided upon 20 because 10 is far too few
and 30 too, too many!"
He had no answer to that and the newspapers next day had the
heading
' 20 words to floor Paxman'!

God, her daydreams were too stupid. She must get published soon or she
would go completely mental and then Ali G would have to interview
her.
" Pull yourself together, girl." she said "Decide on one of these and
write it up! 1000 words and post it. Go!."

She cleared the page and wrote at the top in Textile Bold Font size
14.
'20 displacement activities for the blocked author.'

There is nothing more annoying than sitting at your computer screen
waiting for inspiration?. She wrote.
And to stop this irritation there are so many things that you could do
to make you feel better
1. Make a list of the things you must do today.
That one got no further.
Try again.

She changed the font to Comic Sans and typed
"My 20 best rejection slips"
Would that make for fascinating reading? Probably not. All her
rejection slips were much the same. They said "Thank -you for your
interest but?."
That bit always annoyed her "My interest?" she would scream "How about
your bloody interest in me?" She was not at all interested in Pearson
and Bloggs Publishing Inc only in the fame and fortune they could bring
her.

Addie got up from her computer and paced across the room. Displacement
activity No2 was checking the post and No3 was making a cup of tea, so
she did both of those things and then came back to her computer, which
very sensibly had gone to sleep.
She cajoled it back to life with a soft caress of the entry key.

'20 things I regret in my life'
No, she refused to write those up. "Je ne regrette rien." She said
defiantly.
'20 adverbs you do not need to use.' She typed in, meaningfully.
Now she'd seen that somewhere recently, One of the writers web sites?
Yes, must have been.
'20 best web sites for writers.'
1. ABC tales.
2. UKAuthors.

They were the only two she really knew and used regularly. She knew
there were lots more but they were only sophisticated displacement
activities.
Addie sipped her tea, and made sure she put it down some distance from
her keyboard.
'20 tips for a safe workstation'

Yes, that would do for a work related article ..she could sell it to
'Safety and Health Practitioner'. But that wasn't proper writing, not
real journalism nor real creative stuff.

Addie smoothed down her dressing gown. She supposed that she ought to
get dressed, her wardrobe was just behind her, the door was open, and
she could throw on a skirt and a jumper without much effort. She
swivelled her chair around and glanced through the items hanging
there.
'20 Dresses I shouldn't have bought' she typed when she swivelled
back.
Now that article would be great if you were already famous, she
thought, can you imagine reading Barbara Windsor's list or Victoria
Beckham's? Or perhaps Dale Winton's?
'Well. I wouldn't, but lots would,' she reasoned.

Addie scrolled back through what she had written. 2 hours of creative
thinking distilled into an A4 page.
She typed again.
'Adelaide Forman's all time, top favourite 20 best lists.'
Now this one was just for her.
She started with
1. '20 best Jackson Browne songs'

Addie sat back and surveyed the screen.
She loved being a writer.