Ups and Downs

Ups and Downs

The old priest died and left the world
Many mourned his loss
The church was full of priests and nuns
All praying at the cross

His last request was for a song
A solemn psalm to God
So they placed the record on the deck
And then the Bishop gave a nod

As soon as the music started
They rose and knelt to pray
But the record was old and dusty
And it refused to play

Instead, it skipped a b, b, beat
To the bemusement of the vicars
Who all stood, then knelt, then stood
Up and down like a prostitutes knickers

The Bishop stood with mouth agog
As they were Genuflexing up and down
At one point they started a Mexican wave
At which the Lord, our God, did frown

The skies they roared, the clouds did part
Lightening struck the record player
At which point the congregation knelt
Thanked God and said a prayer!

Sort of a true story this one. One day the local parish priest died and
the funeral was held at Canterbury Cathedral and was ordained over by
none other than the Arch Bishop of Canterbury himself. The cathedral
was packed full of priests, clergymen, nuns, monks and all manner of
gods servants. Even though there was a choir and an organist it was
decided to play a track from one of the dead priests favourite albums
at which point everyone was asked to kneel and offer a prayer to their
dearly departed comrade.

Just as the record started and congregation rose, the needle skipped
across the record and promptly threw everyone into turmoil. At this
point, the younger priests were all kneeling, the middle aged ones,
standing and the older ones were half seated. The curate immediate
return the needle to the beginning of the record but it once again
skipped across. NOW, all the young priests were half kneeling, half
standing, the middle aged ones were half standing, half kneeling and
the older ones just about stood upright. The curate tried a couple more
times before the Arch Bishop finally called a stop to it. By then, most
of my colleagues were outside and you could here the laughter echoing
down the pews of the church!