When things end

the falling...it takes so long,you wonder.."is it actually going to
happen?"
things get worse,but in a way..its still all the same.and finally when
the end is nearing,you can feel it...deep within your stomach...harsher
than the butterflies of love,its close to making you retch.

but still you have to wait,because...though you feel it coming...its
not yet time.
you wish there was...something you could do,but you know that this
thing..this thing is bigger than you,and even bigger for the ones who
always could protect you from everything else.

you can't tell most people,its not a telling most people thing...its
something you have to keep,pretend never happened...although you
realise already,its not something you'll be able to let go of.
you'll hold it,keep it...and sometimes it will maybe drag you
down...but still,you won't even attempt to rid it from your
mind...

your heart...

you cry...the type of tears that keep on coming,no matter how many
times you manage to stop...
the tears that come from not having control...that come from....those
days when the world,when the world just seems too much,too big...too
cruel

curling up...imagining there is nothing,only dreams...bad
dreams,nightmares...none of its real..
but eventually...the huddled up ball,stops shaking...the tears,for now
at least,stop...
theres a moment of clarity,though how long it will last....

the ball unfurls...

the pretence continues...

and everyone who doesn't really know,but has an idea that there was
something...
they are all just happy...that your smiling
because...now they can pretend that they did something to help...
or,that they imagined it all aswell...