My friend Mick seems to have lost his way since splitting up with
Faye, his girlfriend of the last eighteen months or so. He's always
been into weed and popping pills and whizz every now and again but
things have got much worse recently. It's all he seems to talk about at
I mess about a lot and i come across like i don't take anything
seriously. But my friends and most other people also know that after a
few minutes of lght-hearted stuff i'll tend to initiate a more serious
conversation and talk about what's going on in the lives of whoever i'm
talking with. With Mick though, when the light-hearted stuff ends all
he says is that it's a bit weird now that him and faye aren't going out
any more and that him and me should definately go out more often and
get proper wasted - pilled up, mashed and forget about
Last saturday in the pub he kept whispering in my ear that he was
going to start a fight with this fella called james because James had
been friendly with Faye recently. In fact, James has always been
friendly with Faye (as am i) and is friendly with just about everyone.
I think he's seeing someone as well, so i couldn't quite see why Mick
wanted to start a fight.
Anyway, one of my best friends, Freddy, later told me that Mick had
asked him if he'd back him up if he punched James, and Freddy said of
course he would. Didn't try to talk him out of it or anything. Even
though he is also friendly with James. He said to me that if it had
come to it he'd have joined in on James because Mick is a more
important friend than James.
Perhaps this makes Freddy look bad, but that's not my intention. In
fact, i think it sorta speaks well for Freddy because it shows how
loyal he will be to his good friends, and i count myself among that
number. And i can promise you that i sure as hell wouldn't have joined
in the fight. I don't know if i would have been scared or not, but
that's beside the point because i wouldn't want to fight on principle,
whether that makes me right or wrong. I'd have wanted to split the
fight up. Besides, Freddy said to me how it made him feel bad to think
about hitting someone who he's friends with, but i'll say no more on
Mick kept coming up to me and saying this and i tried to keep him calm
and told him that fighting isn't gonna solve anything, even if you had
good reason to fight, which i told him he didn't. I told him to relax
and bought him another drink and in the end he didn't get violent.
Later, after going round to Freddy and and Jack's for a while and
bringing a drunken John back to mine to sleep the night i phoned Mick
and told him to come round. He just kept staring into space and saying
very little except for apologising for being so quiet and then i took
And talking of John, there's a story there as well. I don't often see
him drunk but he was that night and he's had his problems recently too.
He split up with this girl called Amanda and has been acting strange in
the weeks since then but saying that everything's fine when asked about
it. And now he's seeing this girl who is only about seventeen and is a
strange, strange girl. She is an outrageous flirt (and an easy lay) but
also goes to church and wants to be a singer. I've never once seen this
girl buy a drink and she seems to think other people will just buy them
for her. John never seems to have much money, and he's quite a
sensitive lad really, so i can see things going wrong there
If only they'd ask themselves why.
Meanwhile, Mick wants me to meet him for a joint every lunchtime, but
i can never quite find the time and even though i don't want to get
into whizz, i feel like i should be there for my friend when he so
obviously needs friends.
If only he'd ask himself why.
And to change the subject somewhat let me tell you about these two
idiot friends of mine, who i've only really become friends with because
it makes me sad that no-one else will bother to be their friend. Mark,
an ex-squaddie who's brain is all-mashed up from years of drug-taking
has real trouble communicating himself with people. He never says
hello, just launches straight into his latest list of complaints and
worries. He's got to be the most paranoid, neurotic ex-squaddie on the
face of the earth, and though i tell him he worries too much, he has
good reason to do so. Eight or nine years older than me, he's on the
same wage as much (a which which i think is pathetic) and to tell the
truth, no-one likes him much, even if not everyone hates him as he
thinks they do. I go out for drinks with him and run out of things to
say. Normally i can keep conversations going easily, even with people i
see everyday and have nothing much to say to, but Mark dries me up. And
yet, on the other hand, every now and then he'll pick up on something
that even the smartest of my other friends and companions haven't even
noticed. It's just that most of the time he wants to moan and worry
about how much everyone hates him and how sad his life is, not
realising that people perhaps would like him and his life wouldn't seem
sad if he relaxed in his own mind and chose to look for the good in
If only he'd ask himself why.
The other guy, Bob, seems to have been born without sensibilities. He
thinks people are joking when they insult him, and shouts at people
when he should make jokes with them. He is unpopular yet doesn't seem
to be aware of it. But he must be aware somewhere inside of himself, i
think, because somethime i catch him lying (although i don't tell him
so, for fear of embarrassing him, or of getting into an argument when
he inevitably denies the lie) about things such as girls he's seen or
things he gets up to when clearly he hasn't been up to anything. Me,
i'd quite like the chance to get up to nothing, but then when i do have
the chance i sorta wish i had something to do, except for times when i
get away from it all completely and can be entirely alone for sustained
periods f time. then i'm happy, happy, happy. But Bob doesn't seem to
know how to make himself happy, and, far more importantly has no idea
whatsoever what to do to make other people happy. How can anyone get
through life without that knowledge.
And i go out for drinks or whatever with Bob and mostly wish i hadn't,
then feel bad for feeling that way. See, when i spend time with Freddy
or Jack we can have conversations about things and listen to one
another's points of views. I won't feel ashamed to change my mind
through talking to them, and vice versa. With Bob and Mark though, they
only wait for their chance to speak, and then what they say is
nonsemse. With John and That girl and Mick and others i can say to
myself, "Oh, it's cuz they're young," but not with Mark or Bob. They
should know better by now.
If only they'd ask themselves why.
And the question i should be asking myself is also Why. But why what?
If you're thinking that it should be why am i friends with these
people, then think again. Everyone needs friends and if someone needs a
friend then i'm happy for it to be me. No, i think my question why is
Why isn't there more i can do to help people i want to help?