X-The Lost Boy

The Lost Boy

I know very few people will read this, and even less believe it but I
am innocent, the papers don't think so, so you all think "she did it".
So what if my slate aint exactly clean, this isn't about my "moral
condition". This is about my nephew, John Marcus Simpson and what
really happened March 23rd 1982, and it really is much simpler than the
psychologists theories. Perhaps they are just too clever or they need
someone to blame, someone has to be locked away for life. It's not
me.
It was one of the first really nice days that year, I was on my way
home to see my family, and yes even an "exotic dancer" visits her
family once in a while. Not that I normally enjoyed it but my elder
sister was also going to be there, with her kid. It's ironic now, it
was him I was looking forward too seeing. He was so cute though, but
then, you've all seen the pictures, him beaming with his gappy teeth
and sticking out ears and a splattering of freckles over his nose and
cheeks . He didn't seem quite so angelic while trapped indoors so we
decided to get some air. I was short on fags so why shouldn't he come
with me to the shops, we could get some sweets then he could play in
one of the few green areas left in East London.
We basically dawdled, we were in no hurry, and there were plenty of
bugs and spiders and other small things that keep small boys interested
for hours. It was great to have male company that didn't try to look
down my top and we weren't that far apart in age, I was only nineteen
and he was seven and we just laughed all the way there. He talked and
talked, about the time "mummy screamed at a spider" and how "Tanya
kissed a boy!" and he held my hand so tight when we crossed the road,
his fingers twined through mine. Its weird how kids make you
feel.
We got to the shops eventually and after he spent what felt like ages
weighting up between penny sweets and a mars bar, the penny sweets won.
So we carried on to the park, it's all swings and trees, and a river we
used to run through squealing, slightly swollen after the spring
rain.
We went down the slide and around the roundabout, until we were too
dizzy and I went to sit on the bench, feeling at least sixty and really
queasy. Occasionally he would pull me away again to share some great
discovery and he waded through the river, in his shorts without his
shoes and socks rapt with amazement at the miraculous frog spawn.
That was the last time I spoke to him, he frog spawn jelly in his
hands, slipping between his grasping fingers, smiling as if he might
burst. I promised him "next time" we would bring a jam jar and collect
them, watch them turn into tadpoles. I went back to the bench and he
wandered off, towards the copse. I thought he be happy for hours, he
would find some tree to climb and be happy for hours. It was about
forty five minutes later that I did begin to worry. I called and
called, I went back, ran back for mum and Leigh and we called and
called for hours but there was nothing, he just wasn't there. We called
the police at about eight. They dredged the river about five days later
all they found was one of his trainers, his new nikes' all covered in
weed, silt I think there was even a tadpole in there somewhere.
It all seemed so surreal, like in J.M Barry's "Peter Pan" the way the
lost boys had fallen out of their prams in Hyde Park. I've read that
book time an time again since the jury found me guilty, I've had plenty
of time, too much time. I don't suppose stood a chance once the press
found out about my abortion. How I ran away from home when I was
fourteen, and the crap that followed, I dabbled in drugs yeah, but I'm
off them now and I really have tried and its been really tough but I'm
clean now. I came home again three year later and I had a four year old
nephew, my prissy older sister got herself up the duff, no feller
insight either, it was just too much .
I think John would like Never-Never Land, you know, with the pirates,
the mermaids the beaches, I don't think he ever saw the sea. My book
has beautiful illustrations. I wish he could see them.