Zzzz - Snore and Peace

I didnt ought to have done it. I know that.
And Ill be sorry in the morning. But at this
moment, I dont care.

I blame his mother. She must have known, yet
she never said a thing. Too glad to get him
out of the house, I suppose. It wouldnt
happen nowadays. Now everbody seems to live
together before they even think of getting
married. Im not saying its not immoral, but
at least you get to know if he snores.

The first I knew was on our honeymoon. We had
a week in Cleethorpes, and I dont think I got
a wink of sleep the whole time. And not for
that reason either. I mean, it wasnt a gentle,
restrained kind of snoring, the sort you
could ignore. I could have lived with that.
No. He would begin quietly enough, but then
gradually build up to an earth-shattering
window-rattling roar like a jumbo passing
overhead. At the climax he would choke, cough
and splutter for a bit, and fall silent just
long enough for you to think he had stopped.
Then it would start all over again.

We had to have separate bedrooms of course,
though with his volume separate houses would
have been a better idea. Earplugs helped a
bit, but not enough. I tried everything I
could think of to cure him. I sewed
nailbrushes into the back of all his pyjamas,
to stop him sleeping on his back, but
whatever position he was in, back, side,
front, he still snored. If I had hung him
upside-down from the ceiling he would still
have been snoring. And dont think I wasnt
tempted.

We lost count of all the bits of plastic he
slept with in his mouth. We had medicine
from the doctor. We even had him analysed in
case it was psycho-something, but nothing
worked. I know I shouldnt have got cross
with him. He wasnt doing it on purpose. But
oh dear, it did wear me down.

Then we heard about this operation. They do
something with lasers. Harden the soft palate
so that it stops flapping about and making a
noise. The doctor said the success rate was
good, so we decided to give it a try. He was
a long time on the waiting list, but at last
his name came up.

He came out of hospital last week, and the
first few nights were bliss. I really thought
that this time we had cracked it. I left off
my earplugs. We looked at double beds in the
catalogue. We even talked about a second
honeymoon.

Then tonight I was woken up by a noise. An
only too familiar noise. I crept into his
room and there he was. Flat on his back,
mouth open, just reaching the climax. I
couldnt bear it. Not only for myself, it was
the thought of the look on his face when I
had to tell him in the morning. I grabbed the
pillow, stuck it over his face and sat on it
till the noise stopped.

Yes, I know it was wrong, but he never felt
a thing. As they say, he died in his sleep.
And I will be sorry later - but I cant think
about that now. At this moment I am enjoying
the one thing I have never had in all my
married life.

Peace. Perfect peace.