The packet of hair dye that wanted to be a glue stick

Once upon a time, there lived a packet of hair dye that dressed like a nostalgic glue stick. It is not particularly difficult to dress like a nostalgic glue stick; they cover themselves with glitter to remind themselves of the brightness and sparkle of the ‘good old days’, when they were full of glue and were used often. But as they are used more and more to stick meaningless pieces of paper together, they get depressed. Soon the glue will be all gone, they think, or, even worse, the humans will forget about us and will leave us somewhere to dry out.
Glue sticks are the most pretentious of all the small objects that humans use on a regular basis. Scissors, for instance, don’t really care if their blades rust. They realise they are scissors. They rejoice in their simple cutting and when they are not cutting, they believe that they will continue to cut soon. It is a simple life, but it is a good life.
Glue sticks, for some unknown reason, all believe that they were destined to do great things. As far as anyone is aware, a glue stick has never done anything great. It is a foolish and impractical ambition, but they cling to it and moan when all they are used for is to stick things to paper. So they cover themselves with glitter to make themselves feel better.
The packet of hair dye was an exceptionally stupid packet of hair dye. There was nothing wrong with its life. It sat on a display shelf in one of the busiest salons in London. It heard all the human gossip it could ever want to hear, and, if it crept to the edge of its display case, it could read Cosmo and Vogue.
The packet of hair dye knew that it was stupid. It wanted to think of impressive philosophical ideas and ponder about the mysteries of life, but Vogue does not often cover such topics. In short, it wanted to be thought to be an intellectual packet of hair dye without actually having to turn into one.
So, the packet of hair dye decided that if he dressed like the most philosophical small object humans use on a regular basis, other objects would think that he was philosophical too. One night, when all the other packets of hair dye were asleep, he tipped a packet of red glitter over his head.
“What are you doing?” demanded the packet of red glitter grumpily, “it is three o’clock in the morning.”
“Be quiet, Packet of Red Glitter!” replied the packet of hair dye, feeling very pleased with himself, “I am thinking deep thoughts!” The packet of red glitter, realising that he would never get any sense out of the foolish packet of hair dye, went back to sleep.
The next morning, when all the other objects woke up and the sunlight was streaming into the salon, they saw that the packet of hair dye had covered himself completely in red glitter.
“I am going to become a glue stick,” announced the packet of hair dye to the small objects below him, feeling very superior, “it is my destiny.”
“Aren’t you happy with being a packet of hair dye?” asked a pair of scissors, who could not imagine being anything but content with who he was.
“There is more to life than sitting on a shelf,” answered the packet of hair dye.
“But you can’t get off your shelf!” argued the bottle of Herbal Essences conditioner, “You’ll just be a glue stick on a shelf!”
The packet of hair dye sighed.
“My dear Herbie, obviously I will not get off this shelf while I am a packet of hair dye – but when the humans realise that I am a glue stick, they will have to use me for something great.”
“But,” piped up the wise old brush who knew all that was to be known, “how does dressing like a glue stick equal being a glue stick?”
The packet of hair dye had not thought of this. He was annoyed at himself.
“Very well!” he snapped, “You win! I’ll remain a packet of hair dye – if that’s what you really want, and I’ll just shake off this glitter and be myself.”
The packet of hair dye expected the objects to protest, to tell him to follow his dream no matter what – but in fact, the objects nodded in agreement.
“That seems like a good idea,” said the wise old brush, and went back to sleep.