Golf Coarse Proposal

I'm dead set against it. Holdymakers mean Bailey's.
And wine condones condoms, or streets of used babies.
Don't be fooled: Russian gangsters laugh in t' face of ceilidhs.
And all have at least one orifice oozing with rabies.

Besides there's the water. You know, H2O, stuff you drink?
Mean, a golf course gotta be wet, and all that's on the rates.
Sorry, that was me dinner, too much dumpling I think.
Let me read you a communication I've received, which states:

"five pounds apples from Sainsbury's, new potatoes from Tescos,
Make sure they're the right kind, you shimmering prat".
See, the wife's putting on one of her popular alfrescos.
That might not be "shimmering", though, come to that.

Notice? Well did you? She didn't say "water".
That's cause we all have enough, thanks very much.
Well, see all that could change if Swiss bankers with goitre
Come barging in here raping and playing golf and such.

Not that I've every objection to our EU cousins,
both my daughters have sojourned in cor phew and grease
and had offers from dagos and eyeties by dozens;
But they both had the sense to cross legs and say "police".

Now what I propose for this golf course is: bin it.
Use the land for some old folks' retirement homes, see?
You'll be laying up treasure in heaven, like, innit?
And for Williams and Son Construction Works, plc.