Something lost something gained

Something lost, Something gained

Janet Henderson sat on the old oak stump at the top of the valley and
looked at the splendour all around her. She knew this place like the
back of her hand as she took in the rolling hills, the trees in the
valley and the furze bushes in full bloom nearby. It was a warm sunny
day and the place was alive with nature. She could see the stream
meandering in the distance and for a while it reminded her of her own
life and how it had meandered through good times and bad times during
the thirty seven years of her life. Janet was of average height with
reddish brown hair. She was pleasant looking with strong cheekbones,
full lips, guarding a perfect set of white teeth. Her eyes were dark
and mysterious and in her day to day dealings with people she tended to
keep them lowered demonstrating to an astute person that she was more
than a little shy. She had reddish cheeks which her friends often
teased her about in the it gave her the countenance of a good country
woman. Janet was the youngest of three sisters and as she looked around
her she thought back over the years to the many times they had come up
here to the top of this hill to play or as they got older to admire the
view and chat to each other about things that were important to them at
different stages of their lives. But today was different for Janet, she
sat all alone and knew for the first time that she had lost something
special.

Ever since childhood Janet was always extremely shy. This condition
worsened during adolescence and as a young adult she was very
introverted. From time to time she would come out of her shell to
reveal a truly lovely and caring person with a real zest for life. This
however did not happen very often as her low esteem normally brought
her back to her own inner world. One of the problems Janet had faced
through most of her life was her inability to assert herself. She
thought for a second of her sister Margaret who despite having the same
background as Janet had always seemed gregarious enough to go out and
get what she wanted from life.
'God,' she thought to herself, 'why couldn't I have been even a little
like Margaret or even Helen (her middle sister), it would have made my
life so much easier'.
'Well at least, the hard roads I have followed in life have given me
certain things and even it they are intangible, they are priceless to
me,' she thought on further reflection.

Janet let her mind drift back again and pondered how in her younger
days the word no didn't exist in her vocabulary, on how she had become
a nurse because her parents had told her to do so, then she met John
who even though she liked him, deep down inside she knew he wasn't the
person for her. Did this matter, no, because John called the shots and
almost before she knew it she was married at twenty two, had two
children at twenty five. At thirty she was burnt out. She loved her two
children, James and Maria, but the stress of running a home, keeping
down a very demanding nursing job in which she had no confidence in her
ability, even though she always managed to do her share, and more, and
finally living in a loveless marriage, where John seemed to go from
work on a building site to his local seven nights a week.

On many many occasions she felt she was at breaking point, but there
was always one escape route, even if it only offered temporary
reprieve, it was solitude. Whenever Janet felt very low or tired she
would if possible come back to this place and sit on this oak stump, or
if she couldn't get away she would close her eyes and drift here in her
minds eye. It is hard to describe but sitting here on this stump she
would think back to the happy days of her childhood before she had been
exposed to adolescence and the big bad world, to the times when she was
as free as a bird. It made her feel good and ignited a little light of
hope inside her. She would feel a cloak of calm surround and envelop
her. Janet was the only person in the world and the fondness of past
memories mixed with the beauty of her natural surroundings could make
her spirit soar from the quagmire of her daily life to places almost
unimaginable. When she returned home, or opened her eyes again she
always spelt spiritually uplifted. This special inner peace would
sustain her for a few hours or in some cases a few days and gave her
the inner strength to continue with her day to day life.

Janet's mind drifted again to the day she changed her life. One day she
was walking down the main street in Naas, where she had moved to live
with John, ten years before, she was feeling desperately low. It was
four p.m., on the fourteenth of July. She would be heading to work to
start night shift in a few hours time. It was also her thirtieth
birthday, no cards, no presents, in a way she didn't really care. While
she was immersed in her own thoughts about the grey murky shadows that
made up her future she kept walking and now she found herself in a part
of town that she rarely visited. She stopped to take in her
surroundings and noticed that she was standing outside a door with the
inscription, Alice O'Brien, Registered Reflexologist.

Janet had some understanding of reflexology from magazine articles she
had read over the years and also from her nursing. A minute later she
was sitting in the waiting room, and very nervously wondering what she
was doing but before she could change her mind a door opened and in
came a smiling woman about five years older than Janet.
'Evelyn,' inquired the reflexologist.
'No, my name is Janet, I... don't have an appointment.
'That's not a problem,' replied Alice in a calm reassuring voice,
'listen why don't you read this leaflet and I'll be with you in a few
minutes.'

Janet took a good look around her again. It was hard to think it was
seven years to the day since she had walked into the reflexologist's
office. She didn't feel she had aged at all in the last seven years and
for a second she wondered how those years had flown by so quickly. In
seven short years she had turned her whole life around. She would never
be able to stand on a podium and address a mass of people but that
didn't matter as it wasn't important to her. In discovering the panoply
of alternative therapies she had learned ways and techniques to manage
her stress, how to find calm and had in time learned to become a little
more confident and assertive in her own quiet way.

It hadn't been easy, after two years she packed in her nursing career
and moved to Ennis where she got involved in a practice administering
alternative therapies. She had completed several courses and could now
administer reflexology herself, as well as Indian head massage. She had
also completed a diploma in aromatherapy massage. In a few short years
Janet had developed a career that she liked, she had learned to say no
to others and to say yes to the things she wanted. Her new line of work
allowed her to help people from all walks of life and she got
tremendous satisfaction from her results. The biggest battle of all had
been saying no to her marriage. It was a major shock to John and he was
extremely angry and bitter but she didn't hang around long and moved
away with her children to Ennis. At first she rented a flat but then in
time using money from her savings and some funds received from her
mother she bought her own little cottage near Quin. Yes it had been an
interesting and rewarding seven years.

Janet took one last look at her surroundings before getting up to go.
She felt that it would be a long time before she would return to this
place. While it was nice to come back and think of her past she knew
that she had to live in the present and plan for her future. The one
thing she did miss was the feeling of calm that used to come over her
when she came here before. While it was still nice to visit, that very
special feeling she used to get in her tummy of spiritual uplifting was
gone and she missed its warmth and reassurance. She knew the reason it
was gone was because she didn't need it anymore.
'Ah well,' she thought to herself,' something lost, something gained,
it wasn't a bad trade.'